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Hold Me Close, Let Me Go: A Mother, A Daughter and an Adolescence Survived
 
 
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Hold Me Close, Let Me Go: A Mother, A Daughter and an Adolescence Survived [Paperback]

Adair Lara (Author)
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)

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Book Description

March 12, 2002
What does a mother do when her teenaged daughter is spinning out of control and nothing is bringing her back? Here is a searingly honest memoir of motherhood and a testament to the power of love and family.

When Adair Lara’s daughter Morgan turned thirteen, she was transformed, seemingly overnight, from a sweet, loving child into an angry, secretive teenager who would neither listen nor be disciplined. The author, her youngest son, Patrick, her ex-husband, Jim, and her new husband, Bill, all stepped on a five-year roller-coaster ride in which Morgan incarnated the chaos principle in torn jeans and dyed hair. Drinking, drugging, disappearing, suspicious companions, failing and cheating at school, joy riding in a stolen car–there was no variety of adolescent acting out that she didn’t indulge in. For Adair Lara it became an endless sojourn at the end of her rope, a trial immensely complicated by the reappearance in her life of her aging father, a man who had abandoned his wife and seven children decades earlier. Inevitably, Morgan’s misbehavior revives memories of her own headstrong adolescence, while her father’s presence makes agonizingly real for her the consequences of giving up. Paradoxically, he also becomes the source of her best advice.

Hold Me Close, Let Me Go is an emotionally charged, often brutally honest memoir that all parents (and anyone who was ever a teenager) will experience shocks of recognition from while reading. It imparts invaluable lessons about holding loved ones close through the roughest passages and about the power of family to overcome the most grievous obstacles. Adair Lara is a clear-eyed and eloquent witness to the complex costs and rewards of motherhood, and her book will redefine for readers their idea of what being “a good enough mother” really means.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Exploring different approaches to parenting a difficult teen that rely less on tough love than a willingness to embrace nontraditional ideas, Lara (Slowing Down in a Speeded Up World) tells the bittersweet story of surviving her "wild" daughter Morgan's teen years in a memoir reminiscent of Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions. Fans of Lara's column in the San Francisco Chronicle will recognize mother and daughter, as well as son Patrick, third husband Bill, and Jim, the kids' father, who all share a house. Cameos by Lara's mother, who utters the magical words that get Morgan back on track, and her father, who reenters Lara's life after walking out on the family years earlier, complete the picture. For help with specific problems, parents may benefit more from practical guides. But readers who want the voice of experience to tell them that their kids will be OK will find comfort in Lara's tale of her daughter's encounters with drugs, alcohol, sex and Manic Panic hair dye. Some may disagree with the author's decision to kick Morgan out of the house and allow the girl's boyfriend to sleep in her room, but everyone will applaud Lara's desire to make her daughter feel loved and to ensure that she finishes high school. Readers will also enjoy Lara's good-humored insight: "Morgan needed a wise TV mommy, one who could laugh at her foibles... and dish out wisdom. What she had instead was me." Agent, Fred Hill. (Feb. 23) Forecast: Lara's biweekly column for the San Francisco Chronicle has earned her a solid readership that will seek out her take on this timely topic. An author tour and ads in women's and parents' magazines and Web sites will help insure the book's visibility.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

"Normal was gone," writes divorced boomer Dudman in her powerful account of her daughter Augusta's stormy adolescence. Drugs, smoking, truancy, lies, sex, stealing Augusta, 15, did it all in a household that was soft on rules and heavy on permissiveness and love. Finally, Dudman sent Augusta from their Maine home out to an Idaho school where rebellious teens can begin to get their lives in order. Yet even there, nothing works. Dudman is an exceptionally skilled writer, drawing readers into her emotional turmoil and transforming an ugly story into a bold, redemptive tale. When Augusta continues to run away, to defy even the strictest authorities in other programs, in other states, Dudman comes to realize she can't really "fix" anything in her child's life, though her daughter comes home at the end. "You don't get to give up on your kids," she writes. "We were all just thrashing through the woods in darkness." Like Dudman, Lara is a mother with a not-so-innocent past, and in raising her daughter Morgan, 13, there were also no rules, no discipline, no restraints. A San Francisco Chronicle columnist, Lara offers a less poignant story, peppered with more day-by-day "we did this/we did that" vignettes. Morgan's dad, Jim (Lara's ex), lives upstairs, and, like many children of divorced parents, Morgan is skilled at playing one parent against the other. Complicating the mix is Lara's father, who abandoned the family years ago and reappears to demand the family's attention. Finally, Lara says "no" to Morgan and demands that she attend school, quit using drugs, go to counseling, and consider an abortion if she wants to come home. These are stories of battles and love. Lara's is good; Dudman's is unforgettable. [Dudman was previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 11/15/00, and Lara in Prepub Alert, LJ 11/1/00.] Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, P.
- Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Broadway (March 12, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0767905083
  • ISBN-13: 978-0767905084
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.3 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #497,811 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Adair Lara started her career writing for local magazines--first at San Francisco Focus, the city magazine, and then at SF, a design magazine at which she passed herself off as someone passionately interested in interior design. She wrote freelance humor pieces for the San Francisco Chronicle Sunday section, and in 1989 they invited her to join the staff and write a regular column of my own. The newspaper was famed then for its columnists, which include Pulitzer Prize winners Stanton Delaplane, Charles McCabe, and Herb Caen. She has published some ten books or so, including several collections of columns (for more information, go to http://www.adairlara.com). Her essays have been anthologized upwards of fifty times.

She has won a wide range of awards including:
* 1990: Associated Press, Best Columnist in California.
* 1997: Humor Columns for Newspapers over 100,000, National Society of Newspaper Columnists
* 1998: First place, general interest columns, National Society of Newspaper Columnists.
* 1999: Second place, commentary, American Association of Sunday and Feature editors contest, competing against papers with circulation over 300,000.
* May 17, 2002 was declared Adair Lara Day in San Francisco by proclamation of Mayor Willie Brown

Published books include:
* Naked, Drunk, and Writing (Ten Speed Press, 2010)
* The Granny Diaries (Chronicle Books, 2008)
* The Bigger the Sign, the Worse the Garage Sale (Chronicle Books, 2007)
* You Know You're A Writer When (Chronicle Books, 2007)
* Oopise! Ouchie! (Chronicle Books, 2004) - a board book for kids
* Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer Chronicle Books (2003)
* Hanging out the Wash (Redwheelweiser, 2002) - sold 11,043 copies
* Slowing Down in a Speeded-Up World (Redwheelweiser, 2002) - sold 18,061 copies
* Hold Me Close, Let Me Go (Broadway Books, 2001) - sold 22,000 copies in hardcover and paperback
* The Best of Adair Lara (Scottwall Associates, 1999) - sold 19,500 copies
* At Adair's House (Chronicle Books, 1995)
* Welcome to Earth, Mom (Chronicle Books, 1992)

Praise for Hold Me Close, Let Me Go
The thrilling level of honesty and discovery burned into every line of Hold Me Close, Let Me Go is something that rarely informs a memoir of any kind. In this case, Adair Lara has transcended the genre of self to achieve selflessness. Her story of her struggle, the mistakes, the triumphs, the abiding love and pure anguish to save her brilliant and self-destructive daughter is a must read for anyone who loves a child, or ever hopes to love a child. Not every child will follow Morgan's stormy passage to redemption, but many will, and for any parent, Lara's book will be a beacon.
--Jacqueline Mitchard, author of The Deep End of the Ocean

 

Customer Reviews

26 Reviews
5 star:
 (10)
4 star:
 (9)
3 star:    (0)
2 star:
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1 star:
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Average Customer Review
3.7 out of 5 stars (26 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Tell Lara I Love Her...., April 10, 2001
By A Customer
Hold Me Close, Let Me Go by Adair Lara is a wonderful, terrible, funny, devastating book that took me by surprise and held me in thrall from the first page. I didn't mean to read it. As a 63 year old childless gay man, I had little investment in a book (regretfully) being marketed as a mother-daughter self-help manual. But since I read only nonfiction, when browsing I'll pick up books on any subject, just to see how well the author writes, and so it was with Lara's book. Also, I was struck by the photo on the cover. Anyway I picked it up, began to read, then found I had to buy it. Gay, straight, childless, parent, this book is a staggering read for anyone who loves stories and admires those who can get out of the way and tell them true, even when artful lies are used. Though teenage/family dysfunction is at the center of Hold Me Close, Lara writes of universal experience--one of family, friends, and wrestling demons to the ground to find grace. Suddenly, I am in love with Adair Lara, though my partner of 26 years is not threatened. Read this book. You will be better for it.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars this was one you could learn from, April 19, 2001
I don't think I have ever read a memoir that read more like a novel. I kept checking the cover to make sure. It's honest and very stirring, especially if you have ever raised a child to reach these years. I hated to see it end but I known the mom was grateful for some closure. This is well worth your time. I laughed and nodded my head many times. Sometimes in simple amazement and sometimes in agreement.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Loved this book!, February 27, 2001
By A Customer
My teenage daughter doesn't just push my buttons - she jams her finger on them and doesn't take them off for a long time! So I have to say I enjoyed (in a perverse way) reading the struggles another Mom had with her teenage daughter. I read it in two sittings and my whole attitude toward my teen has changed. If Adair and her daughter can come through what they had to overcome and still be friends ... there is hope for all of us. Thanks, Adair, for letting me know that I am not alone and that there is light at the end of the teenage tunnel.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
MORGAN was still asleep, though it was almost eleven. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
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San Francisco, Marin County, San Rafael, Aunt Frances, College of Marin, New York, Van Ness, San Geronimo Valley, Bush Street, Corte Madera, Golden Gate Bridge, Meals On Wheels, Mill Valley, Mount Tamalpais, Redwood High School, Salt Lake City, Santa Rosa, South Dakota, White's Hill
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