Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love [Hardcover]

Sue Johnson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 8, 2008

Heralded by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world.

In Hold me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from Recognizing the Demon Dialogue to Revisiting a Rocky Moment-and uses them as touchpoints for seven healing conversations. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A much needed message to all couples and therapists and I recommend it to all." (author of Getting the Love You Want and Receiving Love Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. )

"At last, a road map through Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with its creator. Dr. Johnson's superb science, humor, and clinical wisdom are finally accessible to all of us. I couldn't pick a smarter, warmer, and more real guide for this journey." (bestselling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and coauthor of And Baby Makes Three John Gottman, Ph.D. )

"There's something appealing about this book's honest, no-holds-barred approach. By creating complete emotional safety and by willing to be fearless about it, it seems to me, not only can real love be kept alive, it can flourish" (Boston Globe 2008)

Sue Johnson [is] the most original contributor to couples therapy to come along in the last 30 years. This book will touch your heart, stimulate your mind, and give you practical strategies for improving your marriage. It will be an instant classic. (author of Take Back Your Marriage William J. Doherty, Ph.D. )

Wonderful!...Hold Me Tight blends the best in research findings with practical suggestions from a caring and compassionate clinician. This fabulous book will be of great benefit...to couples trying to find their way to better communication and deeper, more fulfilling ways of being with each other. Bravo! (author of Parenting from the Inside Out Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. )

A truly revolutionary, breakthrough book... the most important, valuable book for couples published in the 21st century. (author of Getting It Right the First Time Barry McCarthy, Ph.D. )

About the Author

Dr. Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist and Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant International University in San Diego, CA. The developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, she is a recognized leader in the new science of relationships. Dr. Johnson is the author of numerous books and articles, and she has trained thousands of therapists in North America and around the world. She lives in Ottawa, Canada. For more information on Dr. Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, visitwww.eft.caandwww.holdmetight.com.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Little, Brown and Company; 1 edition (April 8, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 031611300X
• ISBN-13: 978-0316113007
• Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1.1 x 9.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (150 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #841 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #1 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Sociology > Marriage & Family
  • #11 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Marriage
  • #19 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance

More About the Author

Dr. Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist and Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant International University in San Diego, CA. The primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, she is a recognized leader in the new science of relationships. Dr. Johnson is the author of numerous books and articles, and she has trained thousands of therapists in North America and around the world. She lives in Ottawa, Canada. For more information on Dr. Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, visit www.iceeft.com and www.holdmetight.com.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

148 of 153 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Take it from a couple's counselor - this book is a gem! May 7, 2008

By Shari Levine

Format:Hardcover

Hold Me Tight teaches couples how to hear their partner's deepest concerns, "are you there for me", "am I really important to you", "is our relationship secure and solid" when those concerns are expressed through criticism or content. It reminds partner's that all communications are attempts to connect, no matter how badly delivered. In this way, Susan Johnson teaches couples to read below the surface of a complaint down to the attachment need being expressed underneath. When attachment needs can be faced and processed directly, couples feel closer. Johnson offers couples in couples counseling an adjunctive support system in addition to the therapy hour. Hold Me Tight is also an excellent resource for couples working things out on their own. It provides a clear and solid guideline for repairing hurt and restoring connection. I am recommending it to the couples in my practice, and the reports coming back about how helpful and transformative Johnson's approach is have been glowing!

77 of 84 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars THE BEST RELATIONSHIP BOOK I'VE EVER READ! April 9, 2008

By Jackie Keyser

Format:Hardcover

I've read all the relationship books, even the ones by the authors whose quotes appear on this cover, and I can say with complete conviction that this is by far the best of the lot. Dr. Sue Johnson's warm, authoritative, and reassuring tone sets the stage for a whole lot of incredibly useful advice. The book gives you a new way to view your relationship and the tools to improve it, whether it needs improving or not! Her form of couples therapy is apparently one of the very few to be proven to work, and that's really the bottom line. Do yourself and your partner a big favor and buy this book! I highly recommend it.

51 of 56 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A front runner in a weak field May 23, 2009

By Trixter

Format:Hardcover

This, together with Gottman's book, is an attempt to deliver an objective and clear guide to resolving relationship difficulties and/or strengthening them. This book (unlike Gottman's) is rooted in attachment theory, which is probably the closest thing to a scientifically based approach to human relationships, or at least there's a biological and evolutionary framework for understanding our emotional needs in relationships. The need for this objective foundation for understanding relationships is pretty obvious when you begin to read through the literature; most of it is vague, superficial or embarrassingly facile. This book attempts to tether its approach to something concrete and verified: we need to be and to feel securely connected to our mates and this need is confirmed in all sorts of ways, both with scientific studies and in anecdotal and clinical settings.

The problem is: what exactly is a secure attachment? When Sue Johnson presents case studies, the answer is something like: partner's need to reaffirm there basic desire and need for a secure attachment. This is done by saying things like: I really need to feel connected, loved, appreciated, valued and desired by you. Relationships flourish when these connected feelings are expressed and reaffirmed. But when you get down to nuts and bolts what behavior exactly, both verbal and physical, constitutes an expression of attachment? And here I think this book fairs about as well as any other.

The fact is that the ways that people can express and feel attached to each is about as varied as all the forms of expression that are available to human beings. So, when reading through these specific cases, I find it hard to identify what exactly it is in the expressions or attitudes of her clients that might work for others (or mostly me). It again seems very vague and general, though in principle right. This leaves this reader wonder why loving another human being should be thought to be so simple as reaffirming our basic biological need for a secure attachment. It seems to me that all the incredible varieties of expressions of love show that it is not so simple. Maybe I'm a skeptic or a cynic, but this seems like another imperfect attempt in the mountain of attempts to understand how to love another human being.... And worth reading!