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Hold My Gold: A White Girl's Guide to the Hip-Hop World Paperback – May 2, 2005
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"Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It"
Read the new book by bestselling author Grace Helbig. More by Grace Helbig.
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About the Author
Amanda McCall works at The Late Show with David Letterman and is the co-author of Hold My Gold: A White Girl's Guide to the Hip-Hop World, Britney's Baby Book, and Grandma's Dead: Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
I. Hip-Hoptionary: Useful Words and Phrases
Following is an abbreviated dictionary of helpful hip-hop terms. Rip out this section and tuck it into your backpack, purse, or bra. Bring it with you wherever you go. Remember, repetition is the key to learning the language of hip-hop. Practice every day and, before you know it, you will be able to understand and/ or converse with any rapper! It's that simple!
Bent: Getting intoxicated; inebriated; drunkenness not necessarily relating to but possibly including the act of vomiting due to consumption of alcoholic beverages. Example: "Damn, Jill, dat Napa Valley Chardonnay we snuck into the Tori Amos concert got me crazy bent!"
Chronic: High-quality marijuana. Example: "If you want to be a cool person, smoke the chronic."
Dat album is da knock: A very good compilation or record. Example: "Yo, Bridget, I heard the new Clay Aiken Christmas album! Dat album is da knock!"
Drop-top: An automobile with a top that can be folded back or removed. Example: "Last summer on the Vineyard, my gal pals and I spent the afternoons driving around in my drop-top, blasting Matchbox Twenty."
5-0: Law enforcement officials. Example: "Yo, Jenny! 5-0! Let's go say hi!"
Front: The act of pretending to be someone or something you are not; disingenuousness. Example: "Muffy, don't even front like you don't like Aaron Carter. I saw his fourth CD, Another Earthquake, in your Volvo."
G-Unit: Popular rap artist 50 Cent's close-knit group of friends, consisting of Tony Yayo (formerly incarcerated), Lloyd Banks, Young Buck, Game and others. Known for their large muscles and interest in semiautomatic weapons. Example: "G-Unit is the most innovative musical trio since Peter, Paul, and Mary."
Iced-out: Diamond-encrusted and/or adorned. Example: "Look at the iced-out tennis bracelet Dad got Grandma!"
It costs ta floss: Acknowledging the funds necessary to finance expensive and gaudy merchandise, such as gem-encrusted pimp goblets. Example: "Yo, Katie, I'm deep in debt. But it's no biggie, 'cause it costs ta floss!"
Jus' cut me da check: Asking if it would be possible to receive one's paycheck promptly. Other examples: "I gots to get mine," "Where my money at?," or "Muthafucka, I said pay me!"
Murda: Often yelled at da club, da store, or da theada'. In the right hip-hop circles, this usually means the person yelling is either a former member of Murda Inc. or that they are having a bloody good time. Example: "That last round of Scattergories sure was fun...Murda!"
(Caution: If you hear this at a white person's party, dial 911, as chances are that someone is actually being murdered and, therefore, law enforcement agents should be notified immediately.)
Po-po: See 5-0. Example: "The sailing regatta after-party got so crunk, I thought for sure someone was gonna call the po-po."
Pimp cup: Gem-encrusted goblet of crunkness held by playas and/or pimps. Example: "Mother, please stop eating your oatmeal out of my pimp cup!"
Seed: Child (often conceived out
of wedlock). Example: "Hold my seed, Kasey. I'm going to the organic market."
Stunt: The act of displaying one's valuables in a manner that may inspire awe or intrigue; to show off. Example: "Lucy be stuntin' with that new J. Crew cashmere cardigan set!"
Tearin' up da club: Having a good time. Can also mean that a fight has ensued and the participants are literally tearing the club into pieces, which would result in a bad time. Example of a good time: "Yo, Holly, we were really crunk last night. We were tearing up da club, girl!" Example of a bad time: "Those fellows had beef with each other and started tearing up da club, girl!"
Throwed: See Bent. Example: "Yo, Sally, I was really throwed at the bris yesterday. I had, like, two Zimas and a wine cooler."
Thuggin': Relating to the lifestyle of a gangsta, one that is characterized by shooting guns and drinking champagne in clubs. Example: "Daddy bought a ton of pretty fireworks for our Fourth of July party this year. Our family was straight thuggin'."
Please choose the correct translation for the following sentences:
1 "Yo, less twiss a la."
A. "Man, do I love Boca Burgers!"
B. "I'd like a little less foam in my Grande skim latte."
C. "Is that frozen yogurt fat-free?"
D. "Hey! Let's roll a marijuana cigarette!"
2 "I wuz cold-lampin' wit a cavy sack in the A-T-L sippin' Oh-E 'n' gettin' bent."
A. "My interior designer friend suggested I buy some lamps for the foyer."
B. Caddyshack is one of my favorite Bill Murray movies."
C. "My yoga class has made me so flexible. Look how far I can bend!"
D. "I was relaxing with a bag of marijuana in Atlanta, Georgia, enjoying a single-serving, forty-ounce bottle of Olde English "800" Malt Liquor, getting rather intoxicated!"
3 "Homey curried my cuz, 'n' sprayed up my mama's crib, so I done gave dat muthafucka a curb job biatch!"
A. "The New York Times food critic gave it a B, but said that the curried tofu appetizer is to die for!"
B. "I don't usually go for spray tans, but my dermatologist suggested it as an alternative to sunbathing."
C. "I heard Dexatrim really helps to curb your appetite and lessens your cravings for carbs!"
D. "A fellow spoke of my cousin in an unfriendly manner, and then proceeded to open fire on my mother's residence. In retaliation, I attacked that fellow by thrusting his dental cavity onto the cement confine barrier of a road."
4 "Girl, I got cream comin' out my ass...you wanna piece o' dis?"
A. "This may be a personal question, but have you ever suffered from anal leakage?"
B. "My mom's key lime pie is fabulous, would you like to try a piece?"
C. "Bridget, I just found this divine alpha-hydroxy cream from Estée Lauder at Bloomie's!"
D. "Hello, lady. I have money, riches, and valuables. Would you like to have sexual intercourse with me?"
Answer Key: All answers are D, as in Da Answer.
IV. Composition Skillz: Writing Your Own Rap Song
You may think that because rappers get paid so much money, writing a rap song is super hard. But, as you will see in the following activity, composing a rap song is super-duper fun and easy! To create your very own rap verse, simply fill in each blank with one of the words listed below. To make your rap longer, just repeat the first verse using different words from the list. You'll have a record deal in no time.
V. Chapter Exercises
1 All of the following are hip-hop pseudonyms for marijuana cigarettes except:
D. Wacky Tabacky.
Complete the following sentences:
2 When a rapper is happy, he says: "Damn, it feels good to be a_!"
A. Good person.
3 When a rapper is angry, he says: "I'll pop a_ in his ass!"
4 When a rapper is disappointed, he says: "Yo, I spent all my C-notes at da club and it wasn't even_. I was mad disappointed."
C. Funny-hat night.
5 When a rapper sees an attractive lady, he says: "Shorty's mad fine, she got _."
A. Hott cakes.
B. Dumps like a truck.
C. A bumpin' booty.
E. Junk in da trunk.
F. A stack in da back.
G. A great personality.
H. All except G.
6 If you are "blasting" at a party, you are
A. Showing everyone your new clogs.
B. Having a blast watching Say Anything and eating cookie dough with your best gal pals.
C. Playing Twister and giggling.
D. Playing boisterous music and smoking crack.
7 If you have "deuce deuces," you
A. Have two deuces.
B. Have two douches.
C. Are the great-grandson of Benito "Il Duce" Mussolini.
D. Have 22-inch rims on the tires of your car.
8 If you "get blunted," you
A. Ask your hairstylist for a blunt bob à la Louise Brooks.
B. Were blunt with your psychopharmacologist when she suggested you up your antidepressant medication.
C. Get totally psyched!
D. Are under the influence of an extremely large cigarette filled with da chronic.
Answer Key: All answers are D, as in Da Answer.
Bonus Section: Why G Is the Best Letter in the Alphabet
The only letter in the alphabet a true playa' needs to be familiar with is the letter G. The next time someone approaches you to argue that L or R is the best letter, you must tell them that they are frontin'. Just look at all the fabulous words that begin with the letter G!
Ga-donk-a-donk-donk (as pertaining to your most important body part)
Gang (as pertaining to your best gal pals)
Gangsta (as pertaining to an inspirational figure in your life)
Ganja (as pertaining to what should be stored in your sock drawer or bra at all times)
Gats (see Guns)
G'd up (as pertaining to what you should be at all times)
Georgia (as pertaining to Hotlanta, the Capital of Crunk)
G-funk (as pertaining to the era)
Gigantic (as pertaining to jewelz)
Gin (as pertaining to what Snoop sips with juice)
Glamour (as pertaining to bikinis and Jacuzzis)
Glock (see Gun or Gat)
Gold (as pertaining to your desired tooth color)
Grand larceny (as pertaining to a fun hobby)
Grandma (as pertaining to she who is the Original Baby Mamma)
Grenade (as pertaining to what you throw at bitches who are wack)
Grey Goose (as pertaining to getting crunk)
Grinding (as pertaining to what you should do with strangers in clubs)
G-string (as pertaining to what you should wear while grinding with strangers in clubs)
Guaranteed (as pertaining to whether you will be getting crunk this weekend)
Gucci (as pertaining to one of the many logos that should adorn every inch of your body)
Gulp (as pertaining to what you do with Hennessy)
G-Unit (as pertaining to a group of creative, insightful, and inspirational young musicians)
Guns (as pertaining to a cute accessory)
Gyrating (as pertaining to what is done on the hood of a car)
GZA (as pertaining to the cousin of the RZA)
Copyright © 2005 by Amanda McCall and Albertina Rizzo
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Top Customer Reviews
you also have to check Tony Yayo's rebuttal in this months' VIBE
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I've read the book, and believe me, my sense of humor did not make me find this funny. I think more accurate word choice would be: if you're WHITE with a sense of humor and a lack... Read morePublished on March 31, 2007 by K. Adams
i beg all those who take themselves too seriously to lighten up. this book is satire at its finest and should not be taken as a white woman's honest view of black people in general... Read morePublished on October 19, 2006 by S. Morrison
this whole thing is a bad joke based on a bunch of inaccurate stereotypes...but if blatant ignorance and a genuine lack of creative humor is your thing, then I'd say go for it...Published on July 28, 2006 by Mista Jao
It just goes to show...it takes a book labeled "comedy" for white society to speak honestly about what it thinks about black people.Published on August 16, 2005 by Jacob L. Sugar
It was absolutely hysterical! It's the perfect gift for the whitest white girl!!Published on August 15, 2005 by A. Roberts