Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating [Paperback]

Sharon L. Phillips (Author), Richard D. Phillips (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 2006

What does scripture say about dating? Nothing— and everything! This book provides a biblical view of relationships but does not shy away from discussing attraction, first dates, commitment, and more.

--This text refers to the Kindle Edition edition.

Product Details

• Paperback: 184 pages
• Publisher: P & R Publishing (January 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0875525202
• ISBN-13: 978-0875525204
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.3 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #120,272 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rick Phillips was raised in an Army family an grew up on posts around America. After graduating from the University of Michigan, he followed his father and grandfather by serving as a tank officer. While in graduate school in Philadelphia, his mother urged him to start attending church again, so Rick visited nearby Tenth Presbyterian Church. The message he heard that night changed his life, a sermon from the Old Testament book of Hosea about God's redeeming love for sinners through the cross of Jesus Christ. Surrendering his life to the love of Christ, Rick became active in Officer's Christian Fellowship during the years he was teaching leadership at West Point. He began leading a Bible study for students, then was asked to write a daily devotional, and then to preach at Christian meetings. Through these experiences, he and his wife concluded that God was calling Rick into a full-time pulpit ministry, so they left the Army and embarked on fulfilling God's call to the ordained ministry.

Rick tries the write the kind of books that have ministered so powerfully in his own life. Mainly, these are books of biblical exposition. His writing heroes are James M. Boice, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, and similar writers of biblical teaching. Some of his books seek to provide clear biblical teaching to important matters of practical living, such as manhood and relationships. He is grateful to God for the privilege of ministering to so many people through his books, desiring above all that God's Word would be clearly, faithfully, and passionately set forth.

Dr. Phillips serves as senior minister of Second Presbyterian Church in downtown Greenville, SC. Previously, he pastored in Coral Springs, FL and Philadelphia, PA. He usually preaches morning and evening and his sermons can be heard on Sermon Audio and on the church website: www.secondpca.org. (Live services are also available on video.) Rick frequently speaks at conferences on the Bible and theology and is active in overseas missions, especially in East Africa. In addition to his ministry duties, Rick likes to spend time with his wife and five children. He is a loyal follower of his alma mater, the Michigan Wolverines, and is an avid fan of the Boston Red Sox.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

79 of 81 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Clear Biblical Thinking and Practical Application, May 20, 2006

By 

David A. Vosseller "davhoops" (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating (Paperback)

The dating versus courtship arguments in my opinion, have largely fallen into two inadequate camps. Courtship (often) is defended as the preferable option because it was the norm in Biblical culture. Our modern context is usually written off while the cultural practice of the past becomes the normative Biblcal command for us now. I had trouble making that leap. And I found that many who "kissed dating good-bye" made it into a Biblical command, rather than what it is, a wise application of Biblical principles. The other side, who "gave dating a chance", often failed to wrestle significantly with the Biblical material and empahsized following Biblical principles within the flawed system of dating.

Thankfully, into this debate comes a third and welcome approach. Richard Phillips and Sharon Phillips are both aware of the modern context that singles live in, but also have attempted to create a thoroughly Biblical rationale for single males and females to follow as they "date". Holding Hands, Holding Hearts is all that a book on practical theology should be. It is grace-based, well thought out, Scripturally supported and developed, and it gives practical applications for its readers. (While I believe all theology is practical, many books fail to thoroughly examine the practical outworkings of theology in day-to-day life).

The book is divided into two parts. Part I is called A Biblical View of Dating and Relationships. In this half, the Phillips spend a significant time explaining why we are what we are and how that affects our relationships. It uses the classical set up of categories for mankind - Creation, Fall, and Redemption. All three need to be understood BEFORE a model of relationships is developed, and the Phillips do this in a clear, Biblical and understandable way. The second half is titled Biblical Wisdom for Dating and Relationships. It takes the Bibles teachings on marriage and works backwards from them. The patterns that God desires in marriage do not magically appear once one is married, and this book describes how a couple can and should learn, grow and prepare for the roles they are called to if the Lord calls them to marriage.

One highlight that I have not seen in any dating/courtship book before is the section on idolatry in our hearts. Here's a sample: "Different people have different idols as we saw in Genesis 3, the woman's idols will often be relationship-oriented; she desires to possess him as the key to her happiness....Similarly, Genesis 3 tells us that men will often be motivated by idols eternal to the relationship: money, power, excitement. Whatever they are, the point is that idols must be served, and the dating or marriage partner must be coerced into contributing to that service. This, by the way, is often what the world means by 'compatibility'. The key to a happy relationship, the experts tell us, is to find a companion who worships the same idols as you do, or whose idols are at least not in conflict with your own. This is a fool's paradise, for sin and idolatry never truly produce harmony but always strife." (pp. 61-62). This section, in addition to many others, has what many other Christian books on the subject lack, a proper understanding and focus on the heart, as well as practical guidlines for conduct based on that understanding. Pastor Phillips is definitely a shepherd, and a man who "has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth" (2 Tim. 2:15 ESV).

If you are a single adult, and want to have the best theological and practical undestanding of how to keep Christ at the center of your dating relationships (or your courtship relationships) - this is the book for you! It is easy to read, Christ-honoring, and very practical. It also is very pastoral, and has the benefit of both male and female input, and all this from two people who worked with hundreds of singles over the years.

As one final note, my girlfriend(now wife) and I read this together, and it was a great resource and catalyst for our thinking as we sought the Lord's will for our relationship. Check it out and buy a copy for a single friend!

26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wow. Best book I've read on dating for adults!, February 23, 2006

By 

Marion E. Pickett "marion654" (St. Louis, MO United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating (Paperback)

This is a fantastic book. The Phillips worked with the singles ministry at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, and they have a real love for singles and lots of practical, wise advice. I wish I had read this book when I was in college; it would have saved me a lot of wasted emotion and wondering why guys were so frustrating!

The authors recognize that it's hard to "kiss dating goodbye," so instead they help singles navigate the tricky road of getting to know a potential mate. They spend time talking about what should be expected from both men and women in a relationship, and they tackle the issues that are prevalent - men not wanting to define the relationship or be willing to commit, and women expecting too much or pressuring the guy for more commitment than he's ready for. They help the reader see what qualities men and women should look for in the opposite sex, and how to be properly choosy without expecting perfection.

All in all, a very useful and practical book. I hardly ever give a book five stars, but this one deserves all five.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Biblically sound, well balanced book, full of Scripture references & applications, very enjoyable & funny, for anyone!, August 24, 2007

By 

D HK2002 (VA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating (Paperback)

A Biblically based/sound, well balanced book, full of Scripture references and applications, very enjoyable and funny, for anyone to read. It takes Biblical principles of a healthy marriage and work backwards to a healthy Biblical dating relationship. The foundations for a healthy, godly marriage begin while dating.

There's a final chapter, especially written for those who are not currently in a dating relationship. Some books or people describe singleness as a gift, just as marriage as a gift. Some people do have the gift of singleness: they don't think romantically about others of the opposite sex, and there is nothing wrong or perverse about them. They do not struggle with lust either. People with this gift, in the authors' experience, is usually someone called to a particular and intense ministry. But the authors describe singleness, which can last a long time, can be considered as being a trial, just as marriage as being a trial. We need to seek God's grace for this trial as with any other.

"Singleness involves loneliness, sexual frustration, and unfulfilled dreams. It is a difficult ordeal. But let's understand something about trials: everybody has them. Singleness may be a trial, but it is not the only trial. Married people have trials -- lots of them, in fact. Parents have lots of trials. When Jesus said, "In the world you will have tribulation" (John 16:33) He was talking to us all."

It dwells on the Rare Jewel of Contentment (Phil. 4:11-13)...the product of a heart resting in God. They provided an unchanging rule for singles to remember, namely:

"if you cannot be contented in singleness, you will not be contented in marriage" .

"Singleness is not something that keeps us from contentment and joy. Rather, it is a trying circumstance in which we are to look in faith to God, submitting in His good and Sovereign will, and looking to Him for every blessing. But singleness is not the only such trying circumstance. Another is called marriage, as two sinners seek to live in harmony without killing each other. Yet another trying circumstance is called parenthood, in which two exhausted sinners who seldom speak to each other seek to live in harmony with each other and a whole pack of other little sinners. In all circumstances, the challenge is not to change the circumstances but to learn what Paul learned: "I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can so all things through Him who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:12-13)."

Reviewer's additional comments:

One Scripture reminder by one friend also rings true:

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord." - 1Cor 7:32 (NIV)

About the advantage of singles, being "free from concern", relative to the married.

As well as:

"But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." - 1 Cor 7:28 (NIV)

About "those who marry will face many troubles in this life". And Paul's advice was to spare the singles of the troubles faced by those who are married. Since singles will already have their fair share of trouble in this life to face and deal with (whereas married people will have "double the trouble in this life" - their own and those of their spouse). There are advantages of course...having two people to face the many troubles in this life, rather than on your own.

In any case, concerning the book, it's Highly recommended!

Check it out and pass it on to others!