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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
23 of 25 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I did holding time with my and 8 & 9 year old sosn (We are now adopting him), and I feel Holding Time was essential to our bonding and attachment to each other. Without it, I don't feel I would have been able to get together with my child. my child was neglected and abused at an early age and he suffers from attachment disorder. Through Holding Time techniques I was able to overcome his emotional distress. I felt so much hope and I could see the part of him that was usually covered up. I had no anger and felt only closeness and tenderness. I was able to share his sadness and pain. In a way I think Holding Time helped me give birth to my adopted boy. I now feel very close to him and he to me.
22 of 24 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This method, when used appropriately, may be useful for some children who do not have "severe" attachment issues. Children with secure attachments who have normal "acting out" behaviors will probably not be adversely effected by forced holds, and may show some signs of benefits (though I question whether those same benefits would not be achieved by minimized physical contact while coaching a child in expressing their emotions through words). I strongly advocate against this method for children with anxious or avoidant attachment patterns--as do most other therapuetic professionals I work with (I, personally, am not a professional--but an adult who has worked through the challenges of anxious/avoidant attachment styles).
From my experiences and the numerous reports of others in similar circumstances, I have come to believe that forced holdings may appear to have short term benefits. After all, children with insecure attachment patterns are primed for survival, and if you must submit to forced holdings in order to survive you will quickly learn to do so. However, in the long run, forced holding has adverse effects on attachment and responsiveness to physical contact. Personally, after entering therapy of my own accord in college it took two years before I was able to willingly allow someone to hug me (though I still would submit to hugs in situations where it was "culturally appropriate"). Forced holding did nothing for my attachment patterns--though initially there may have been a decrease in negative externalized behaviors (followed by an increase in internalized behaviors such as self-injury and suicidal ideation).
On the other hand--using these methods for voluntary holds can work wonders, I use "holding time" as a voluntary activity for many of the emotionally challenged (and emotionally typical) children I work with. The benefits of voluntary and appropriate physical contact can not be emphasised enough.
For good guidelines on appropriate intervention techniques, try Dr. Becky Bailey's "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" and "I Love You Rituals". The "I Love You" rituals alone are often enough for me, as a teacher, to break through with difficult children--and they are all presented in method that is voluntary, interactive, and nonthreatening--unlike forced holds.
From my experiences and the numerous reports of others in similar circumstances, I have come to believe that forced holdings may appear to have short term benefits. After all, children with insecure attachment patterns are primed for survival, and if you must submit to forced holdings in order to survive you will quickly learn to do so. However, in the long run, forced holding has adverse effects on attachment and responsiveness to physical contact. Personally, after entering therapy of my own accord in college it took two years before I was able to willingly allow someone to hug me (though I still would submit to hugs in situations where it was "culturally appropriate"). Forced holding did nothing for my attachment patterns--though initially there may have been a decrease in negative externalized behaviors (followed by an increase in internalized behaviors such as self-injury and suicidal ideation).
On the other hand--using these methods for voluntary holds can work wonders, I use "holding time" as a voluntary activity for many of the emotionally challenged (and emotionally typical) children I work with. The benefits of voluntary and appropriate physical contact can not be emphasised enough.
For good guidelines on appropriate intervention techniques, try Dr. Becky Bailey's "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" and "I Love You Rituals". The "I Love You" rituals alone are often enough for me, as a teacher, to break through with difficult children--and they are all presented in method that is voluntary, interactive, and nonthreatening--unlike forced holds.
57 of 68 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
Occasionally I have heard or read comments about Holding Time that include false information, and would like to correct some of them and encourage everyone to read the book. It was *not* designed for autistic adults. I know this, because my family has worked with Dr. Welch in her offices in New York City and she told us how it developed, as she also does in the book itself. Holding Time was developed by Dr. Welch for autistic children, and has since been shown to be remarkably successful in helping all children, including those described as "normal". I believe anyone who finds Holding Time to be abusive either has not read the book, or is simply not applying the technique correctly. In this case, they should contact a therapist who is specially trained in attachment issues. Having worked with Dr. Welch and seen the truly remarkable results she's brought about with our two girls, I find myself telling all my friends about the technique and encouraging them to try it with their own children. So many of the problems associated with child rearing can be eliminated with Holding Time. Whereas "Time Out's" teach children that their emotions are not acceptable and that they must get out of the parent's sight, Holding teaches that *no* emotions, including anger, are unacceptable and that anger does not negate love. Through Holding, you can experience a degree of joy and love you would not have thought possible. I honestly believe that many of the problem kids in our society who are now problem adults would not be committing crimes or hurting anyone if they had been "held" as children. I'm reminded of the words of the great anthropologist Margaret Mead who said (and I paraphrase), "Is it possible for one person to change the world? Indeed, that's all that ever has." Please don't be afraid of Holding Time. Read the book, get help from an attachment specialist or call Dr. Welch if you need to, but try it. Best wishes to everyone.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Absolutely essential for parents of children who have been adopted or...
I've raised 6 foster-adopted children. Three of them were too old when we discovered this method for it to be used. The other 3 were not. Read more
Published 5 days ago by Jeanne Beebe
1.0 out of 5 stars
Someone who was 'held'
My mother read this book when i was a child and used to 'hold' me because she thought it would help me let go of anger. Read more
Published 15 months ago by Dr K.J.Misch
5.0 out of 5 stars
Life Changing
This book changed our lives.
I have a daughter with Reactive Attachment Disorder. If you are considering Holding Time, I assume you are familiar with RAD. Read more
I have a daughter with Reactive Attachment Disorder. If you are considering Holding Time, I assume you are familiar with RAD. Read more
Published on February 26, 2011 by SL
5.0 out of 5 stars
I speak from experience with an internationally adopted child.
Ashley had never given me a lick of trouble on any of our previous trips. I'd felt confident that she was a pretty easy resilient child who simply needed a helping hand to fulfill... Read more
Published on October 16, 2010 by Erika Isnor
1.0 out of 5 stars
Disturbing Pseudoscience
I'm all for free speech.. but this is disturbing because (judging by the reviews) people have taken it seriously. The book encourages a violent and creepy method of forced love. Read more
Published on August 3, 2010 by Holly Phillips
5.0 out of 5 stars
A sure hope for enriching child raising!
Holding Time is a valuable and fresh addition to the genre of childrearing help. Not only is it a first-hand account of Martha Welsh's own experince and practice of the method with... Read more
Published on May 23, 2010 by Bradley J. Young
5.0 out of 5 stars
Incredibly helpful
We purchased "Holding Time" by Martha Welch on a recommendation from a counselor. Our son, adopted from China a year ago, had been struggling to get over a hump in emotional... Read more
Published on May 10, 2010 by Alan J. Rieck
5.0 out of 5 stars
Can't wait to read this book
I am going through a marital separation and have been struggling with my 4 year old sons behavior. His therapist suggested trying "holding time. Read more
Published on March 29, 2010 by Kayzie B
1.0 out of 5 stars
disgusting horrible book and method
She should be arrested. It is child abuse essentially. DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK and READ ABOUT CHILDREN WHO HAVE DIED WHILE BEING TORTURED.
Published on September 20, 2009 by Literatista
5.0 out of 5 stars
Absolute Essential for Moms
I have been using Holding Time with my children for two and a half years and find, as the author also found, that my children go through the stages of resistence, submission and... Read more
Published on December 11, 2007 by D.M.
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