Customer Reviews

Holding Time

5 star:		(55)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(21)

 

 

This method, when used appropriately, may be useful for some children who do not have "severe" attachment issues. Children with secure attachments who have normal "acting out" behaviors will probably not be adversely effected by forced holds, and may show some signs of benefits (though I question whether those same benefits would not be achieved by minimized physical contact while coaching a child in expressing their emotions through words). I strongly advocate against this method for children with anxious or avoidant attachment patterns--as do most other therapuetic professionals I work with (I, personally, am not a professional--but an adult who has worked through the challenges of anxious/avoidant attachment styles).

From my experiences and the numerous reports of others in similar circumstances, I have come to believe that forced holdings may appear to have short term benefits. After all, children with insecure attachment patterns are primed for survival, and if you must submit to forced holdings in order to survive you will quickly learn to do so. However, in the long run, forced holding has adverse effects on attachment and responsiveness to physical contact. Personally, after entering therapy of my own accord in college it took two years before I was able to willingly allow someone to hug me (though I still would submit to hugs in situations where it was "culturally appropriate"). Forced holding did nothing for my attachment patterns--though initially there may have been a decrease in negative externalized behaviors (followed by an increase in internalized behaviors such as self-injury and suicidal ideation).

On the other hand--using these methods for voluntary holds can work wonders, I use "holding time" as a voluntary activity for many of the emotionally challenged (and emotionally typical) children I work with. The benefits of voluntary and appropriate physical contact can not be emphasised enough.

For good guidelines on appropriate intervention techniques, try Dr. Becky Bailey's "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" and "I Love You Rituals". The "I Love You" rituals alone are often enough for me, as a teacher, to break through with difficult children--and they are all presented in method that is voluntary, interactive, and nonthreatening--unlike forced holds.

Occasionally I have heard or read comments about Holding Time that include false information, and would like to correct some of them and encourage everyone to read the book. It was *not* designed for autistic adults. I know this, because my family has worked with Dr. Welch in her offices in New York City and she told us how it developed, as she also does in the book itself. Holding Time was developed by Dr. Welch for autistic children, and has since been shown to be remarkably successful in helping all children, including those described as "normal". I believe anyone who finds Holding Time to be abusive either has not read the book, or is simply not applying the technique correctly. In this case, they should contact a therapist who is specially trained in attachment issues. Having worked with Dr. Welch and seen the truly remarkable results she's brought about with our two girls, I find myself telling all my friends about the technique and encouraging them to try it with their own children. So many of the problems associated with child rearing can be eliminated with Holding Time. Whereas "Time Out's" teach children that their emotions are not acceptable and that they must get out of the parent's sight, Holding teaches that *no* emotions, including anger, are unacceptable and that anger does not negate love. Through Holding, you can experience a degree of joy and love you would not have thought possible. I honestly believe that many of the problem kids in our society who are now problem adults would not be committing crimes or hurting anyone if they had been "held" as children. I'm reminded of the words of the great anthropologist Margaret Mead who said (and I paraphrase), "Is it possible for one person to change the world? Indeed, that's all that ever has." Please don't be afraid of Holding Time. Read the book, get help from an attachment specialist or call Dr. Welch if you need to, but try it. Best wishes to everyone.

I did holding time with my and 8 & 9 year old sosn (We are now adopting him), and I feel Holding Time was essential to our bonding and attachment to each other. Without it, I don't feel I would have been able to get together with my child. my child was neglected and abused at an early age and he suffers from attachment disorder. Through Holding Time techniques I was able to overcome his emotional distress. I felt so much hope and I could see the part of him that was usually covered up. I had no anger and felt only closeness and tenderness. I was able to share his sadness and pain. In a way I think Holding Time helped me give birth to my adopted boy. I now feel very close to him and he to me.

I am an educational psychologist who was noticing some minor but persistent behavior and emotional concerns with my two children. My daughter was short-tempered and very sensitive to any criticsm. My son was somewhat distant and did not often like to be held or kissed. I was familiar with attachment theory but was looking for a way to use it myself. I found this book in a bookstore and used the Welch method in a modified way (I could never hold them against their will). The results were so gratifying-I still am amazed when I think of my children's response to being really listened to and connected with on this deep level. The theory helped me understand their behavior at other times too. My children are teenagers now and I am still reaping the benefits of the physical and emotional closeness that we were able to establish. It took lots of effort for me to implement this radical method, even in a modified way, but holding time with them was of great and lasting value for our family.

I first bought Dr. Welch's book seven and half years ago, when it was recommended to me by a child welfare case worker who could see that the adoptive placement of my daughter, then seven and a half, was going to disrupt, this child's second placement, if things didn't change. I read the book in one evening. The next morning, instead of the usual tantrum filled struggle to ready her for the bus ride to the psychiatric day treatment "school", I held her instead. It was 45 minutes of pure rage directed at my face... and then a psycho-biochemical miracle occurred. Her face smoothened, she began looking directly at me... and she explored my face. Me? I felt a 'natural high' that can only be experienced, not properly expressed. It was like falling in love, only far more intense. Did one session really "cure" her? No... it took many holding sessions, along with conventional therapy, and many other theraputic parenting techniques, but my lovely daughter is now 15 years old. A very happy, well mannered, loving teenager. A teenager who proudly tells her friends what a great mom she has. How does she feel about the Holding Time sessions today? She recently looked on with calm approval as an intense Holding Time session of a six year old boy and her mother unfolded. Far from the "abuse" that other reviewers here have castigated this technique, this is a solid and loving tool for reaching children, both wounded and merely frustrated, supporting the bond between parent and child. The book is simply written, for use by every parent, not for academics who would insist on footnoots for every passing comment. The pictures used are very useful in that they demonstrate the emotions that are played out during a Holding Time session. They clearly show how the process works and gives a hint of what the parent and child will experience by following the technique. My only negative comment is regarding the unfortunate maternal chauvinism expressed by Dr. Welch. This is suggestive of a political belief, rather than a considered professional conclusion.

My sister introduced me to this book. She found it at the local library. It was an answer to our prayers! PLEASE read this book, and try it on your children! It has made an incredible difference in my life and the lives of my four children. This idea of "Holding Time" is so incredibly much better than the other forms of discipline out there--time out, spanking, etc. It is a great way to get "angries" out in a safe way. It not only helps the child learn to communicate their feelings, it helps moms learn patience and self discipline too. I love it and would VERY HIGHLY recommend it to you. I plan to buy a copy for myself for future reference, one for our church, and for several of my close friends. My little girl (age 3) is a totally different child after starting holding. She expresses her feelings much better (instead of screaming or throwing a tantrum) and has fantastic eye contact. She actually ASKS for Holding Time! My 7 year old son has also opened up verbally, and doesn't demand attention through bad behavior (stealing, lying, etc.)"Holding Time" is very much worth the $. I thank God for it, and also Martha G. Welch, M.D.!

I cannot say enough in favor of Holding Time. My family has followed the Welch Method for two years. After only one Welch Method intensive bonding session involving our whole family, my niece, who had been in and out of institutions, was able to return home and return to a normal life. The book, Holding Time, along with support information we got from the Welch website, marthawelch.com, saved our family's life. A must for every family!

I would like to express a deep admiration for Dr. Welch and her 20+ years of experience with this therapy. It is not a fad therapy, but is based upon the findings of Nobel Prize-winning Ethologist Niko Tinbergen and attachment theory scientist Bowlby. Holding Therapy applies the findings of these two and other scientists -- mainly that behavior is conditioned, and that conditioned behavior can be changed -- to the treatment of autism, reactive attachment disorder and other behavioral problems. Dr. Welch is not only a psychiatrist, she is a neuroscientist, about to publish her findings on the brain chemistry which makes holding therapy work.

People who attend her intensives are desperate - their children, adopted or not, are often so far out of control that if they cannot be helped they will be institutionalized. I have witnessed in two consecutive intensives, miracles of healing using this technique. Understanding the brain chemistry which is triggered makes the process comprehensible and deepens wonder at Nature's compassion for our egregrious parenting errors.

It seems there exists an energetic web to save us when we fail to connect with each other, lying just behind the facade of our adaptive personality traits and coping mechanisms. That energetic mesh is unconditional love, the activity of connection, the stimulus to unlimited intelligent evolution.

Holding Therapy places the mother on top of the child on a soft mattress, belly-to-belly, nose to nose,eyes gazing into eyes, breath circling from one body to the other. It's intimate, it's "in your face." What this position simulates, the feeling it engenders in both mother and child, is that experience after birth when the infant is held tightly and securely by the mother, protected and enclosed, indeed defined by the mother's touch. This feeling releases brain chemicals which induce bonding. Far from being "abuse," this tight holding simulates the symbiotic, synchronous condition of the newborn child and mother. The mother licks the child's face lovingly, and this action directly releases oxytocin in the brains of both mother and child. Once oxytocin is released, a whole new biochemical environment is created and a new set of behavioral responses to life conditions is permanently instituted within each organism. Thus mother and child both will never act the same as they did before this bonding peptide was released.

The therapy needs only to be repeated by the mother and the child, cementing intimacy and one-on-one communion into their daily life. The results are immediate and awe-inspiring. Please keep an open mind -- read the book, and see the videos, and, if possible, do it yourself. The results are uniformly positive, regardless of the family history. Connection, once experienced, extends to all other relationships and fosters empathic behavior. Isn't this what we're trying to achieve? God bless Dr. Welch.

I would like to express a deep admiration for Dr. Welch and her 26+ years experience with her Holding Time therapy. It is not a fad therapy, but is based upon the findings of Nobel Prize-winning Ethologist Niko Tinbergen and attachment theory scientist John Bowlby. Tinbergen devoted the last ten years of his life to bring attention to Dr. Welch work. Welch Holding Time therapy applies the findings of these two scientists and other findings in neuroscience - mainly that behavior is conditioned, and that conditioned behavior can be changed. Dr. Welch has proven this through her treatment of reactive attachment disorder, ADD, ADHD, as well as a wide range of behavioral problems, including Autism. Dr. Welch is not only a practicing psychiatrist of long standing, she is a respected neuroscientist doing research at Columbia University in New York City with some of the world's foremost scientists. She is about to publish her findings on the brain chemistry that makes Holding Time work.

Readers should remember that families who attend Dr. Welch's intensive treatment sessions have children who exhibit extreme behavioral problems. The book, Holding Time, was written by Dr. Welch to help the average family experiencing behavioral problems. People who attend her intensives are desparate - their children, adopted or not, are often so far out of control that if they cannot be helped they will be institutionalized. I have witnessed two consecutive intensive treatment sessions in which the principals of Holding Time have been employed. I found them to be miracles of healing to the 15 families that participated. All of the families that I witnessed left with dramatically changed children and new Holding Time parenting tools with which they could manage their child's behavior at home.

Please keep an open mind. Buy the book and read it. See the videos and CD's available... To those critics of Holding Time, consider the source. Above all, try Holding Time with your child. The results are uniformly positive, regardless of family history. Connection, once experienced, extends to all other relationships and fosters empathic behavior. Isn't this what we're trying to achieve? God bless Dr. Welch.

I adopted a little girl who had been neglected in her early months. When she started to rage and have uncontrollable outbursts of anger even in her sleep, I did not know what to do. I was very fortunate to have found the book Holding Time and I began Holding Therapy. Dr. Welch teaches you how to provide a safe place in which you and your child can work through and let go of anger and it will do the same for you. My daughter and I were able to begin to bond and trust right away. Have you ever been to one of those trust exercises where you have to close your eyes and fall backwards and trust that someone will catch you. Within an hour people are feeling connected and talking openly when they were perfect strangers just an hour before. Holding time is like that only 1000 times greater and it is with your child. Holding time is not about holding someone against their will, raging and then letting go and going about your daily routine. It's about 2 people holding together to work through their emotions and truly resolving the conflict within themselves. When that happens you begin to see people change. True resolution will bring about changes in behavior for both parent and child. It is not a one way street. When a child has problems and we send them to a therapist all you are doing is putting another obstacle between you and your child. Only the child is expected to change. Before you think that you want to totally change someone's behavior, think of how hard it is to change your own. You can't just demand your child see a perfect stranger, learn to trust them and that person will make everything right for your child. Holding time/therapy is about working it out together. One comment to Jane Hunt who spoke about therapist using chains. Dr. Welch does not mention chains or therapist holding in any of her work. Who needs to be connected to a chain or a therapist. Obviously if someone is using this to create pain, gain power or frighten someone, then they have truly missed the point. Dr. Welch is a gifted woman who has dedicated her life to this research. If you have ever looked into the eyes of a child who is deeply disturbed by anger (You will know it if you see it) and then see those same eyes after holding and resolution you will see that it can't be faked. It is not on the surface. It touches the very soul of the mother and child and there is no mistake about it. Our society is losing more and more opportunity to be connected with our families. We have empty homes during the day and at night people return to fast food and video games. People need to stay connected, otherwise we will have no use for a family unit. How sad that would be. Buy the book, find your child and hold on. Anger, hurt, conflicts and disappointments are always hard to work through. No mattter how you choose to work it through, it must be done with some degree of emotional pain to come out on the other side. When you hold, both you and your child will come out on the other side embraced, with a true innerpeace, connected and very content. This book was well written and informative. I hope everyone picks up a copy of this book.