Customer Reviews

Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

All my life, I've been looking for the one thing that would turn me to religion...and BEHOLD! I found it...

Instead of boooooring pictures of the Last Supper and the probable locations of holy sites, I get AWESOME pictures of crashes and and cars going in circles! I could practically smell the burning rubber and see the girls in halter tops firing cheap t-shirts out of a cannon at me...all the while learning who begat Bathsheba! (SPOILER ALERT: It was Eliam)

There is no better feeling than cracking open a six-pack on a Sunday morning and sitting down and reading my Stock Car bible. Because if there's one thing religion needs...it's definitely DRAFTING!

All my life, I've heard such great things about this book. But whenever I started to read it, it was all "so-and-so begat hisself, and then he begat whatsisname". Sure there was some nudity at the beginning, but they cover up soon enough and start begatting (go figure).

I hear there's plenty of killing and stuff, but I never make it that far. I made halfway through Leviticus once, and that was just too much.

But now, I think I might try it again. After all, I hear this one has pictures of my favorite drivers and a few interesting pages from them scattered amongst the "thou-shalt-nots" and the begats.

So, I figure I'll at least read it like a magazine, flipping through until I get to full-color pages with pictures of folks I know saying things I already agree with.

Thanks Zondervan, for making the Bible relevant to my life!

How can you sell a Nascar-themed bible that is not accompanied by a six pack of Keystone light???!!! For Shame!

I WONDER

Isn't publication of the "Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition" one of the original signs of the apocalypse?

AND I WONDER

Have the commandments been revised to include such modern-day directives as "Thou shalt not pass on the outside"?

STILL I WONDER

Can legacy families like the Earnhardts, Pettys, and Waltrips now be added to the biblical genealogies in Numbers?

YEA, I WONDER

Will Amazon offer a 2-fer bundle with Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (Unrated Widescreen Edition)? ("Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, in your golden, fleece diapers, with your curled-up, fat, balled-up little fists pawin' at the air...")

MOST OF ALL, I WONDER

Has the growing trend for alcoholics and drug abusers to become "born again" forged a virtual full circle (or, if you will, a virtual oval!) with the spiritual roots of stock car racing in moonshine running?

INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW...

Lo, behold the slick-tired dragons of the race track as they glide purposefully across the asphalt planes of Sin! Dale Earnhardt be praised, this work is beyond reproach.

Those dang carpetbagging sheriffs kept pullin me over and givin me DUIs. Then my sister (cousin) gave me one these for my glove box. I ain't been pulled over yet that I can remember. I'm so glad to be back in the Lord's good graces.

Excellent price for this bible...our school district was able to stay in budget in order to provide copies to all our science students. Includes the previously apocryphal Book of Bobby. A suggestion might be to edit out the troublesome Old Testiment and substitute some vintage Brickyard 400 programs. It should help to balance out the racing/religion ratio.

I was reading this bible, and saw in some passages reference to how stock car racing was popular with the early christians. I happened to mention this to my spiritual leader, and he explained to me that down in florida, at daytona, they have this event a couple of times a year, and that in fact, there was a stock car race coming up. I got pretty excited about the chance to witness such an event, so i gathered my grandchildren, and we all journeyed south. due to a lot of people not having a job, we were able to buy tickets. the man at the motel heard we were going, and he described the race as going around in circles like a doughnut. we arrived at the track in plenty of time, and were treated to a wonderful display of religious patriotism. imagine my horror when the cars started, and they immediately tried to mount each other like dogs in heat! well, i'll tell you, i ushered my young-uns out of that place faster than you can say pontius pilate. i guess i must have missunderstood the man when he said doughnuts, when it was really dog-knot racing. Lordy!

This Bible is awesome, cause I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt which says "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party, too." 'Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party. I like to think of Jesus with giant eagle's wings, singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd, with an angel band, and I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk!

"And then the Jews took away Jesus's Goodyear sponsored jumpsuit and beat him up real bad. Then they murdered him. No one thought he would ever race again, but He showed them. 3 days later he appeared at the Jerusalem 500 in a brand new souped up Chic-Fil-A sponsored Toyota Camry."

The thing I love about this book is that it's simple enough for me to really understand the true messages of this 2,000 year old faith. For instance, take John 3:16. Before, it was this boring incomprehensible mess, but now:

"God really loved people and so he had this lady have a baby that was really his son and not the other guy's. If you believe in this baby, then you don't die and you just live forever."

The best part to me was when he was delivering a speech to a group of like 5,000 racers. Their cars had all broken down and he started taking parts out of his own car and distributing them among the racers. Somehow there were enough parts for all of them. A miracle indeed!

I highly recommend this book to anyone like me who didn't finish middle school and likes fast things. Your faith will grow and get faster and faster. With Jesus as your pit boss, you'll never worry when life's collisions set you back.