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Home-Alone America: The Hidden Toll of Day Care, Behavioral Drugs, and Other Parent Substitutes [Hardcover]

Mary Eberstadt
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)


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Book Description

November 4, 2004
Why are there so many troubled kids these days, diagnosed with learning disabilities or behavioral problems? Why is child obesity out of control? Why are teenagers contracting herpes and other sexually transmitted diseases at unprecedented rates?

In Home-Alone America, scholar Mary Eberstadt offers an answer that’s widely suspected but too politically incorrect to say out loud. A few decades ago, most children came home from school to a mother who monitored their diets, prevented sexual activity or delinquency by her mere presence, and provided a basic emotional safety net. Most children also lived with their biological father.

But today, most mothers work outside the home, and many fathers are divorced and living far away because society promotes adult fulfillment at the expense of our children. Too many kids now feel like just another chore to be juggled—dropped off at day care; handed over to a nanny; left in front of a television or a computer; and often simply home alone, with easy access to all kinds of trouble.

Eberstadt offers hard data proving that absent parents are the common denominator of

many recent epidemics, including obesity, STDs, mental health problems of all kinds, and the increased use of psychiatric medication by even very young children. Drawing on a wide range of medical and social science literature as well as popular culture, she reopens the forbidden question of just how much children need their parents—especially their mothers.

Home-Alone America issues a radical challenge to the way America’s kids are being raised. Like The Bell Curve or The Nurture Assumption, it’s a controversial book that many will disagree with, but no one can ignore.



Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

As if women didn't have enough to worry about trying to decide on the correct balance between careers and motherhood, and then worrying about their decisions, Eberstadt maintains that working mothers are responsible for rising juvenile delinquency, underperformance in school, childhood obesity, and a host of other maladies. To her credit, she doesn't let fathers off the hook, but mothers are seen as the main culprits. Citing research detailing the adverse impact on children of absent parents, Eberstadt makes a passionate, convincing argument that Americans have focused too much attention on the needs of adults. Nearly half of all children have no fathers in the home, and more than half under the age of six have working mothers, leaving young children to fend for themselves in day care, where they are exposed to all manner of illnesses and bad behavior. The results are children who act out in various ways and a society that drugs them or ignores them. She offers no "snappy solutions" but strongly urges parents to spend more time with their children. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review

...Eberstadt does not apologize... -- Edward Wyatt, New York Times

...[u]rges all adults to think about the needs of children, and some to make drastic changes... -- World Magazine

Home-Alone America is a fine first salvo in what may be a changed war. -- Kelly Jane Torrance, Washington Times

A book that should be read by every concerned parent, pastor, and policy maker. -- R. Albert Mohler, Jr., President, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

An intense meditation on what matters most... -- Maggie Gallagher, syndicated columnist

Goes way beyond the headlines to show the effects of absent parents on nearly every area of children's lives. -- Susie Currie, Weekly Standard

Mary Eberstadt has written an unwelcome book. That doesn't make it any less important or less necessary. -- Rich Lowry, syndicated columnist

Mary Eberstadt has written an unwelcome book. That doesn't make it any less important or less necessary. -- Rich Lowry, syndicated columnist

The great and unarguable theme...is that families are a very good thing and parental care is of decisive importance... -- James Q. Wilson, Wall Street Journal

[An] important, thought-provoking book. -- Myrna Blyth, National Review

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Sentinel HC; First Edition edition (November 4, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1595230041
  • ISBN-13: 978-1595230041
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.2 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #897,190 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Five of the top ten most frequently reported diseases in 1995 were STDs. Henry Cate III  |  4 reviewers made a similar statement
If you think throwing more money at our schools will help, read this book. Kelly Kalichman  |  3 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
81 of 92 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Busy Moms & Dads pay attention... November 10, 2004
Format:Hardcover
Eberstadt actually focuses on parents (that's plural) both Moms and Dads, deadbeat Dads, as well as divorced parents who use toys and junkfood for short-term rewards or to compensate for the face to face time that they can't have with their children.

She talks about busy parents who use junk food, videos, video games, locked houses, and perscription drugs as substitutes for their attention.

She talks about the dangers that she sees with the early socialization of children before they're really ready. (i.e., putting kids in Daycare before the age of 3).

She talks about the dangers of kids who come home from school and are alone until parents return from work.

She also devotes considerable time to the rise in childhood obesity and how the above factors contribute to that.

This is certainly not a mere "Blame the mom" screed as some might call it. THere is a nuanced and deep look at parenting in these busy times.
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30 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars We all have a stake in this - so let's talk about it. February 14, 2005
Format:Hardcover
There is a lot of noise in our society about our troubled young. And that is well because it is true. There are also an almost infinite number of suggestions on how to "manage" these problems: counseling, more counseling, medication, raising daycare standards, yet more counseling and more medication, and on and on it goes.

This powerful book asks a somewhat different question. What if the problem isn't the kids? What if their reactions are reasonable responses to a toxic environment of outsourced childrearing (to daycare and medication), of absent fathers, of transient relationships in their relationship role models, and in consistently bad advice given them on sex, careers, and marriage?

She points out the current themes in popular music are abandonment, hurt from missing parents, rage against parental neglect, and the need for oblivion to escape the pain of loneliness. It isn't rebelling against mom and pop anymore. It is more like where are mom and dad and why don't they care about me. This is sad and painful on all fronts.

Mary Eberstadt is clear and honest in her facts and analysis. She admits there is neither simple panacea nor even a complex solution. She advocates beginning with a new consensus that it would be better for both children and adults if more American parents were with their kids more of the time. I know that sounds simplistic, but it is not simple. Given the financial burdens most families have taken on, it is very hard to make something like this happen. However, if we decide we believe we need our kids and they need us and that time together is important, we can make adjustments in our lives to make that happen.

I hope this book is widely read and widely discussed in thoughtful ways rather than just the normal political yelling at the other side. The topic affects us all. We all have an important stake in this and we all shoulder some of the blame. So, let's get at it.
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106 of 136 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars View from a Liberal, Stay at Home Mom December 5, 2004
Format:Hardcover
Many of Eberstadt's points are very astute and worth considering, and for that, I give her three stars. For instance, the amount of medication our children are taking to make them "normal." The rise of aggression in our youngest children. The rise in childhood obsesity, because we no longer live in a world where children play, outside of highly structured, controlled events.

I don't disagree with anything descriptive she says about these issues. (And in fact, her chapter on GenX and Hip Hop music is quite well done.) But she blames this on a current culture where women (and men) leave their children in daycare, too focused on their own careers to care about them.

And given her personal experience, there is much that probably bears this out. She lives in Washington DC, in a very nice, very expensive neighborhood. The mood around her is definitely a liberal, career driven one.

However, I live in a red town, in a red county, in a red state. I live in a neighborhood of stay at home mothers, and fathers who are able to attend games and volunteer for boy scouting events. And what do I see? Children who are aggressive. Children who are obese. Children who are on medication. Most children do not play outside on our cul-de-sac because it "isn't safe." (I honestly have no idea what that means -- it is far safer from anywhere else I've ever lived.)

So even the right knows there is a problem with parenting. They blame the left, perhaps because they live in a left-wing world themselves. But for those of us who are NOT living in left-wing cultural milieus, those explanations fall flat.

But the parenting problem remains in the US today. One of the few things the left and the right agree on.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Misses one of the points
Full disclosure: I am politically left-leaning, I have young children, I work full-time, and I have never, EVER left my children without the company of at least one responsible,... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Alice Fielding
4.0 out of 5 stars Even really smart and savvy moms may not know what "quality child...
Here it is 2011 and so many parents have no idea what "quality child care" actually is. Busy, overwhelmed and stressed working mothers are still blindly believing the spiels that... Read more
Published on March 12, 2011 by Bridgette Carpenter
1.0 out of 5 stars Maddening myopia - blames moms, ignores employers
Is it that parents don't care? Or is the uglier truth that SOCIETY doesn't care? And by society, I mean us. After all, we vote the folks into office who make public policy. Read more
Published on June 13, 2010 by Snowcrane
5.0 out of 5 stars a powerful case
In a society that subordinates children's needs to adult freedoms, this book should give anyone pause. Read more
Published on May 12, 2010 by Paul Adams
4.0 out of 5 stars Should be read by parents across America
Many books have been written recently telling women that they can Have It All; motherhood and a career. Few, if any, books look at the child's point of view. Read more
Published on February 5, 2010 by Paul Lappen
1.0 out of 5 stars Working Mothers Blamed for All the Woes of Society
Let's blame the poor working mother for all the woes in our society. I would recommend that you not buy this book.
Published on May 22, 2009 by Avid Reader
5.0 out of 5 stars A good wake up call
This book was a great read and jammed packed with statistics and pertinent information. Mary does not tiptoe around the hard facts and tells it like it is. Read more
Published on December 30, 2008 by C. Driver
5.0 out of 5 stars the motherless society
Contrary to popular belief, not even a "village" can substitute for a mother.

Unlike many "committed" treatments of this subject, this author adopts a scientific... Read more
Published on April 6, 2007 by bookloversfriend
5.0 out of 5 stars Finnally SOMEONE SPEAKS UP FOR CHILDREN
I was highly impressed by this book. Finally there is a children activist. The parenthood crisis we are living is what our society represents now: desire. Read more
Published on October 31, 2006 by Ana
5.0 out of 5 stars How we are harming our children
This may be the first time in history that we have forced a generation of kids to be separated from their own parents. Read more
Published on July 24, 2006 by William Muehlenberg
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