Home by Choice: Raising Emotionally Secure Children in an Insecure World [Paperback]

Brenda Hunter PhD (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 1576737217 | ISBN-13: 978-1576737217 | Publication Date: August 4, 2000

It's one of the toughest choices a mother will ever make: to "work" or be a full-time mother? It is also a long-running debate between moms who feel they contribute more to society at work than at home and those who feel mothering is not just a full-time job but a calling. In this newly repackaged, expanded, and updated edition of Home by Choice, national authority Dr. Brenda Hunter brings research to the discussion table, arguing that no one can replace the care a mother provides. As kids grow up with parental presence, she says, they develop a sense of home that will serve them all their lives. Dr. Hunter speaks directly to moms, addressing their unique concerns-such as financial pressure, support from husbands, and personal fulfillment. She makes a well-reasoned case for the enduring effects of a mother's love.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Brenda Hunter, Ph.D., is a psychologist and internationally published author. A specialist in infant attachment, Dr. Hunter is nationally recognized as an expert on the issue of full-time mothering, appearing on programs such as CBS This Morning, Sally Jessy Raphael, and Larry King Live. She is cofounder of Home by Choice, a support network for mothers at home.

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books (August 4, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576737217
• ISBN-13: 978-1576737217
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,525,960 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars An interesting story of one woman's reasons for staying home, September 24, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Home by Choice (Paperback)

As a young mother struggling with the notion of returning to the workforce, I found this book particularly liberating. Everyone has to make their own choice, based on the realities of thier own life, but I found this a rare offering in a mire of "you're only valuable if you return to work" messages.

I found the author's research interesting, and reading the book certainly fuelled my fire to be an at-home mum. If you want to return to the work place, don't bother reading this, it will probably make you cranky. If, however, you are questioning the values that made you think you had to go back to work, get a copy and read on. "Home by Choice" will certainly give you some thinking fuel for your decision process.

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Let's put the kids first!, January 27, 2003

By 

Joan "joan2742" (Edgewater, MD, United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Home by Choice: Raising Emotionally Secure Children in an Insecure World (Paperback)

This lovely little book does a good job of arguing the case for mothers staying home with their children, if this is at all possible. It also features discussions of the most common problems that mothers at home face, and suggests some good ideas for dealing with them.

The best and most important point made by Dr. Hunter is that women who stay home have more time and energy to devote to building their marriages and their families. While the "day care" argument is open to disagreement and controversy, it cannot be debated that there are twenty-four hours in a day. The mother who devotes ten of those hours to work and related requirements (travel, etc) simply can't give as much to her family as she would probably like. When she is at home, she is often physically and emotionally drained, and possibly preoccupied with work-related problems. Her husband is almost certainly facing similar problems, so the family usually suffers to some degree.

Another very good argument is that which addresses older children and loneliness and supervision issues. Too many moms assume it's just fine to work full-time when the child goes to school. The reality is that our culture, and especially our youth culture, can be dangerous and destructive. Older children need parents who know how they're spending their time, parents who talk to them when they need it, parents who teach them right and wrong, parents who guide their friendships and media choices and parents who spend lots of time building a family that is an appealing alternative to constant peer interaction. Part time work or study can be compatible with this, but full time work will probably make it unrealistic for the parents to fully meet such needs.

The arguments from infant attachment and the problems of day care are also important, but they may be over-stated just a bit. To some readers, these may sound like discouraging and fatalistic predictions. Like the other issues I mentioned above, this is an area where one-career families are decidedly in a better position. However, if singles or dual-career couples recognize the problems and pitfalls of not having mom at home, they can work around them to some extent. The need to work should never be an excuse, or a reason for despair!

The weakest chapter in the book is chapter seven. I do not believe that the rash of "school shootings" had nearly as much relevance to this issue as Dr. Hunter implied. She had no specific information or evidence to bring to the table, and should definitely have left this emotionally charged issue out of the book. Scare tactics like these are below the belt.

All parents should realize that the standards in our culture with regards to family life are far too low. Regardless of what work arrangements might be necessary, there isn't a parent who can't learn from this book the simple point that our families must be our first priority, not just in our words but also in the choices we make day by day.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Research to back up the Stay at home mom, February 25, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Home by Choice: Raising Emotionally Secure Children in an Insecure World (Paperback)

I just finished reading this book and feel revitalized about my decision to stay at home with my kids. I have always felt intuitively that what I am doing is important, but this gives me the statistics and the research to back it up. An educated woman like myself is not wasted on the care of her children. When people look back over the course of their lives they wish they had spent more time with their families, they don't wish they had spent more time advnacing their careers.