Customer Reviews

Home by Choice: Raising Emotionally Secure Children in an Insecure World

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

As a young mother struggling with the notion of returning to the workforce, I found this book particularly liberating. Everyone has to make their own choice, based on the realities of thier own life, but I found this a rare offering in a mire of "you're only valuable if you return to work" messages.

I found the author's research interesting, and reading the book certainly fuelled my fire to be an at-home mum. If you want to return to the work place, don't bother reading this, it will probably make you cranky. If, however, you are questioning the values that made you think you had to go back to work, get a copy and read on. "Home by Choice" will certainly give you some thinking fuel for your decision process.

This lovely little book does a good job of arguing the case for mothers staying home with their children, if this is at all possible. It also features discussions of the most common problems that mothers at home face, and suggests some good ideas for dealing with them.

The best and most important point made by Dr. Hunter is that women who stay home have more time and energy to devote to building their marriages and their families. While the "day care" argument is open to disagreement and controversy, it cannot be debated that there are twenty-four hours in a day. The mother who devotes ten of those hours to work and related requirements (travel, etc) simply can't give as much to her family as she would probably like. When she is at home, she is often physically and emotionally drained, and possibly preoccupied with work-related problems. Her husband is almost certainly facing similar problems, so the family usually suffers to some degree.

Another very good argument is that which addresses older children and loneliness and supervision issues. Too many moms assume it's just fine to work full-time when the child goes to school. The reality is that our culture, and especially our youth culture, can be dangerous and destructive. Older children need parents who know how they're spending their time, parents who talk to them when they need it, parents who teach them right and wrong, parents who guide their friendships and media choices and parents who spend lots of time building a family that is an appealing alternative to constant peer interaction. Part time work or study can be compatible with this, but full time work will probably make it unrealistic for the parents to fully meet such needs.

The arguments from infant attachment and the problems of day care are also important, but they may be over-stated just a bit. To some readers, these may sound like discouraging and fatalistic predictions. Like the other issues I mentioned above, this is an area where one-career families are decidedly in a better position. However, if singles or dual-career couples recognize the problems and pitfalls of not having mom at home, they can work around them to some extent. The need to work should never be an excuse, or a reason for despair!

The weakest chapter in the book is chapter seven. I do not believe that the rash of "school shootings" had nearly as much relevance to this issue as Dr. Hunter implied. She had no specific information or evidence to bring to the table, and should definitely have left this emotionally charged issue out of the book. Scare tactics like these are below the belt.

All parents should realize that the standards in our culture with regards to family life are far too low. Regardless of what work arrangements might be necessary, there isn't a parent who can't learn from this book the simple point that our families must be our first priority, not just in our words but also in the choices we make day by day.

I just finished reading this book and feel revitalized about my decision to stay at home with my kids. I have always felt intuitively that what I am doing is important, but this gives me the statistics and the research to back it up. An educated woman like myself is not wasted on the care of her children. When people look back over the course of their lives they wish they had spent more time with their families, they don't wish they had spent more time advnacing their careers.

I am in the middle of making the transition from working full-time outside the home as a teacher the first year of my daughter's life to working full-time FROM home. I am lucky to be able to do this; in our family right now, my working is a necessity rather than a choice while DH finishes his education.

HOME BY CHOICE backed up my belief that the place I need to be is home. We women who are educated and choose to use our skills on our children rather than on (in my case) other people's children should be commended, not condemned. Regardless of what people think, the research simply supports us.

Reading this book reinforced my decision, revitalized me when I was beginning to feel alone in that decision, and re-energized my spirit so I could give more to my daughter. I HIGHLY recommend this book to any pregnant women, women who already stay at home with their children, or moms who work outside the home and don't feel particularly comfortable leaving their children in someone else's care.

I am an educated stay at home mom who believes I am where I belong. This book supports my beliefs.

This is an easy-to-read, secondary source on "attachment" style parenting. The major drawback of the book is that the author is so caught up telling the story of her own flawed childhood and the emotional scars it left, and comparing her early years to the similarly sad childhoods other people experienced, it begins to sound like yet another "co-dependency" type book. No wonder the author captured the attention of Sally Jesse Raphael and other popular talk show hosts! I wished I could just slap her and say, "Life is hard, lady. Deal with it!" Actually, this books seems to be just that--a culmination of the author's struggle to deal with her past. There are a number of more informative and less syrupy secondary sources on mother-infant attachment which I would recommend over this one, such as The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears. I think there are better books on becoming and being a stay-at-home mother as well, such as What's a Smart Woman Like You Doing at Home? by Linda Burton and Staying Home Instead by Christine Davidson. Sharon Reilly (jdreilly@ntplx.net

And that is that children do better in the care of thier own parents. Perhaps the differences are subtle in that perhaps they are just feelings as we get older of more stability, more happiness and fulfillment with our lives having been nurtured as a child, but they are there. And I say this not only as a stay at home mother, but also as a child who endured daycare. I absolutely attribute that early experience to some problems I have had nurturing relationships as an adult(something I take responsibility for and am working on so no, this is not an excuse for them) and one need only see the differences between my brothers(much younger than me) who had my mother home and me to know there is a difference!
I don't doubt there are spectacular nannies out there, but unless you are super wealthy, it's doubtful this person will be a constant figure in your home until your child is grown and personally I'd rather my children bond with me instead of a nanny anyway.
The folks who look at this as some work bashing need to get a reality check. If this is working mother bashing, than Ms., working moms magazine, and the host of books supporting working moms are sahm bashing. If this isn't your choice and you aren't open enough to question your values than don't read the book for goodness sakes and live in your life of denial and at the very least with a narrow view of the world. Also maybe it would help for you to understand that kids really are "fragile" in the sense that they are not mini adults. People would be better off if they listened to that message and some, like myself, are even taking that reality to a new level and pursuing homeschooling as well. It's not about coddling you goof, it's about nurturing your child and honoring thier innocence and protecting thier will to learn. It's about raising them in a everyday more sexualized and violent world until they are at a point where they can really deal with the world ie the main way I see this is my child goes out with the wolves when he is ready to fend them off, I don't throw him/her out there ill equipped and hope they survive. I give my children the skills they need and THEN they leave my home to be capable adults. Other people believe they gain those skills through disappointments and hard knocks AWAY from thier parents guidance. Sorry, I don't agree with that very callous view of children and I'd hope people who think like this would reconsider bringing a child into this world. If you already have one, keep your guilt in your own psyche, get help, or open yourself to the idea that your children need you AT HOME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE!

Fantastic, well-researched resource for moms who are wrestling with the decision of whether or not to stay home with their children. Legitimate concerns such as finances, support from your husband, and personal fulfillment are addressed. The research regarding early childhood emotional attachment and it's long-lasting social effects is eye-opening!

This is the best parenting book ever. The book sites many references that back up the practical, moral advice for mothers. No mother should even leave the maternity ward of a hospital without reading this book. Excellent. This book supports a mother making the most important, most responsible decision of her life-Raising her own children!

Don't let the 1 star reviews deter you. This is a wonderful resource for moms who want to understand their value. I recommend this book both to friends who have to go back to work and SAHMs who need to be encouraged that what they do matters. This book is full of research to help moms understand child development and how valuable the parent is in their child's development. It did this for me 10 years ago. I had no idea that all the "little things" I was doing for my son were so valuable until I read this book. I read this book and realized that I was doing so many, little things right.

This is written by a woman who understands the plight of women who have to work, but will not hide scientific finding in order to spare adult feelings. If you are humble and willing to learn and change in the areas you can (for the good of your child) this is your kind of book.