Amazon.com Review
In her introduction to this timely and brave collection of essays, Jess Wells argues that queer parenting is well enough established that we can stand back as a community and offer a little constructive self-criticism. "Only after we secure a minimal amount of social stature," writes Wells, "are we able to realize that we've been painting a good face on our parenting and refusing to discuss our own mistakes because we've had to ward off the cultural assumption that we are all bad parents." The main controversy seems to be the rights and feelings of the nonbiological mother in a lesbian family. In the opening essay, "The Essential Outsider," Aimee Gelnaw describes the pain of exclusion from the principal mother-child bond, especially while a baby is still breast-feeding. In her interview with Kate Kendell, director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Sarah Schulman talks about that scourge of gay parenting, the biological mom who attempts to deny custody or visitation of a child to the nonbiological mom. One of these "lesbian villains" speaks out as well, under an assumed name, recounting her horror story of an abusive, manipulative partner to explain why she has denied her former partner access to their child. And at the close of the volume, Rachel Pepper discloses her reluctance to consider her partner a "mother" to her daughter Frances, and her resistance to second-parent adoption. Other issues include biracial families, transracial adoption, and the savage prejudices against transgendered parents. This bracing book should be read by every gay or lesbian parent (or those considering parenting), as well as the health care workers and therapists who counsel them.
--Regina Marler
Some things ain't pretty. Editor Wells has assembled a book that digs beneath the conventional, picture-perfect surface of alternative parenting to examine the painful, controversial issues and stresses affecting gay and lesbian parenting. Some of the essays tackle such touchy subjects as class issues within the LGBT (lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgendered) community; the injustice of "bio mom bashing," which occurs when biological mothers deny custody to their ex-partners; and others' reactions to transgendered parents. Offered as the first of an anticipated several books on the less photogenic aspects of LGBT parenting, the collection also includes nonbiological mom Aimee Gelnaw's poignant essay on her feelings about being an outsider in her own family, and Judy Grahn's scholarly consideration of matrilineal societies and the invention of patriarchy to guarantee paternity.
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