Homo Domesticus: Notes from a Same-Sex Marriage [Hardcover]

David Valdes Greenwood (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 26, 2006

What happens when you pair a romantic with a nonromantic? Where does the twain meet when you like to wow your lover with an original song and he thinks a bar of soap is a thoughtful gift? In his charming, often hilarious account of his decade-long relationship with his boyfriend (now husband), journalist David Valdes Greenwood sets the record straight on gay marriage, playfully disarming the arguments against it. Here are the highpoints (and some low points) that chart any good relationship: from the first blush of romance; to meeting the in-laws; to forgetting your pants at your own wedding; to figuring out in those first years that "life as a couple is all about discovering just how many things you can approach differently without actually killing each other"; and finally, of sharing that first great love, a child. Poignant and smart, these notes from a same-sex marriage will strike a chord with anyone who has ever known just how outrageous, challenging, and maddeningly wonderful the ties of love can be, no matter what configuration your family.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

For those whose familiarity with gay culture doesn't extend beyond stereotypes and caricatures, prepare for a shock: this sweet, funny, true tale of same-sex romance is probably too tame even for a Lifetime TV movie; as Valdes Greenwood writes, "it occurs to me that I may have ... let myself down by missing out on the hedonistic youth that everyone will assume I had anyway." A knowing, humble and generous narrator, Valdes Greenwood keeps his story of meeting and falling in love with his future husband-a "romantic life that has been as uncomplicated and physically virtuous as that of a Promise Keeper"-surprisingly fresh, even as he demonstrates that same-sex couples just want the same things everybody else does: "When Jason and I had moved in together in 1994, we had made three folders that corresponded with our future plans: wedding, house-buying, and adoption, in that order." Valdes Greenwood doesn't get preachy or overtly political about gay rights and marriage; rather, he lets his life with husband and baby-ups, downs, and all-speak for itself. It's a convincing, heartwarming argument.
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From Booklist

Greenwood tells of his marriage to Jason, detailing how in-laws, even Grandpa in the cowboy hat, supported it; disparaging his family, who skipped the 1995 wedding and organized a prayer group to "pray him out of it"; and recalling his preceremony panic when he found he had forgotten his tux trousers. His touching, humorous memoir then deals with such everyday vicissitudes of coupledom-in-general as arguments and stony silences, as well as others peculiar to gay marriage, such as same-sex adoption. Owning that "to pretend that only home is where the hard-on is . . . seems like a way to set yourself up for needless frustration," he recalls flirtatious Grandpa attempting to make amends to stern Grandma with long-stemmed roses. But then, he and Jason believe in open, candid discussion, not an open sexual relationship. Their marriage comes first, followed by home ownership (town house), pets, and then child adoption, with Greenwood becoming a total mom. Could be a Hallmark TV special. Whitney Scott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1St Edition edition (December 26, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738210811
• ISBN-13: 978-0738210810
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,750,785 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

David Valdes Greenwood is the author of The Rhinestone Sisterhood, the true story of the lives of four small-town Festival Queens, and two humorous memoirs, Homo Domesticus and A Little Fruitcake. As a playwright, his work has been staged coast to coast and in the UK. A former freelance journalist, Valdes Greenwood is best known for his Boston Globe columns. Currently, he details life as a parent as a Huffington Post Blogger and may be followed on his Twitter feed is divahas2daddies.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Immensely Enjoyable, Wise & Very, Very Funny, December 28, 2006

By 

Jazz Pianist "jazzwriter1" (Milwaukee, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Homo Domesticus: Notes from a Same-Sex Marriage (Hardcover)

What a terrific book. With refreshing candor, author David V.G. wryly and brilliantly charts the very human evolution of he and his partner's relationship, from meeting to dating to marriage to drifting apart to legal marriage to parenthood. Anyone of any orientation will be able to appreciate the joys and trials of love relationships so beautifully described in it's pages, though gay people will likely take special relish in the writing. Frequently laugh-out-loud funny, this heartfelt memoir is well worth acquainting yourself with. Having founded and facilitated a longtime urban gay fathers group, I found more than a lot to love and relate to and appreciate here. Bravo David!

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Witty, insightful, charming story of a gay relationship, March 19, 2007

By 

Bob Lind "camelwest" (Phoenix, AZ United States) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

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This review is from: Homo Domesticus: Notes from a Same-Sex Marriage (Hardcover)

David is a graduate student, representing the college's gay student group at a student orientation fair. Amid the primarily younger undergrad crowd, he spots Jason, a cute, bohemian-type type in his mid 20's and ... as the saying goes ... he knew he was in love.

But before you automatically close the scene with slow-motion montages and a choir singing "And they lived happily ever after," read the rest of David's touching, whimsical and refreshingly honest account of his sometimes-rocky relationship with Jason, through their church commitment ceremony (with a dash home to retrieve a missing pair of pants), the reaction of their respective in-laws, to their first drafty apartment together, househunting snafus, a "7 year itch" that threatended to end their relationship, trying to decide (after their state of Massachusetts approved them) whether to actually marry, and the decision to adopt a child. The author's open and intimate tone makes you feel that you know the couple personally, and share their pains as well as celebrate their achievements. From being openly gay (but being smart enough to avoid people who, in the author's words, would view "the story of Sodom and Gomorraharah as having a happy ending"), and David's "crashing" of a local mothers' group to get child-rearing tips, to the "scary parts" of the film "March of the Penguins" causing them to cut their only night-out short, and rush home to their infant daughter, David and Jason become your favorite couple to know. Especially recommended for young couples, but will be loved by just about anyone. Five stars out of five.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Homo Domesticus- Notes from a same-sex marriage, March 22, 2007

By 

Anne Sauerbier "Anne Sauerbier" (Detroit, Mi USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Homo Domesticus: Notes from a Same-Sex Marriage (Hardcover)

Homo Domesticus is an intelligently written book that humorously describes an unconventional marriage and gives valuable relationship advice without pointing fingers. David Valdes Greenwood does not feed on the heated argument on the morality of gay marriage; he portrays his own marriage and shares the insights he achieved throughout his life and relationship with a great sense of humor and compassion. Both, heterosexual as well as homosexual people will recognize themselves throughout the course of the book because relationships, no matter what gender-mix they consist of, always follow the same patterns and experience the same difficulties. Whether Homo Domesticus is consulted for relationship advice or read for entertainment, a great time, a recurring smile and a lot of insight are guarantied.