Customer Reviews

Homo Domesticus: Notes from a Same-Sex Marriage

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

What a terrific book. With refreshing candor, author David V.G. wryly and brilliantly charts the very human evolution of he and his partner's relationship, from meeting to dating to marriage to drifting apart to legal marriage to parenthood. Anyone of any orientation will be able to appreciate the joys and trials of love relationships so beautifully described in it's pages, though gay people will likely take special relish in the writing. Frequently laugh-out-loud funny, this heartfelt memoir is well worth acquainting yourself with. Having founded and facilitated a longtime urban gay fathers group, I found more than a lot to love and relate to and appreciate here. Bravo David!

David is a graduate student, representing the college's gay student group at a student orientation fair. Amid the primarily younger undergrad crowd, he spots Jason, a cute, bohemian-type type in his mid 20's and ... as the saying goes ... he knew he was in love.

But before you automatically close the scene with slow-motion montages and a choir singing "And they lived happily ever after," read the rest of David's touching, whimsical and refreshingly honest account of his sometimes-rocky relationship with Jason, through their church commitment ceremony (with a dash home to retrieve a missing pair of pants), the reaction of their respective in-laws, to their first drafty apartment together, househunting snafus, a "7 year itch" that threatended to end their relationship, trying to decide (after their state of Massachusetts approved them) whether to actually marry, and the decision to adopt a child. The author's open and intimate tone makes you feel that you know the couple personally, and share their pains as well as celebrate their achievements. From being openly gay (but being smart enough to avoid people who, in the author's words, would view "the story of Sodom and Gomorraharah as having a happy ending"), and David's "crashing" of a local mothers' group to get child-rearing tips, to the "scary parts" of the film "March of the Penguins" causing them to cut their only night-out short, and rush home to their infant daughter, David and Jason become your favorite couple to know. Especially recommended for young couples, but will be loved by just about anyone. Five stars out of five.

Homo Domesticus is an intelligently written book that humorously describes an unconventional marriage and gives valuable relationship advice without pointing fingers. David Valdes Greenwood does not feed on the heated argument on the morality of gay marriage; he portrays his own marriage and shares the insights he achieved throughout his life and relationship with a great sense of humor and compassion. Both, heterosexual as well as homosexual people will recognize themselves throughout the course of the book because relationships, no matter what gender-mix they consist of, always follow the same patterns and experience the same difficulties. Whether Homo Domesticus is consulted for relationship advice or read for entertainment, a great time, a recurring smile and a lot of insight are guarantied.

David's wonderful book charts the ups and downs of two men who build a life together, marry, buy a house and adopt a child in a predominantly straight and often prejudiced world. They are romantically mismatched which sometimes leads to some humorous moments. However, like most relationships they experience difficult times but their love for each other brings them through it.

Their story is often told in a very witty style and many moments seem heartwarming. The book depicts an un-stereotypical, and actually much more realistic, way of life for gay couples. It shows that gay couples face the same problems as straight couples in building and maintaining relationships and in some respects such as acceptance and child adoption face a huge uphill struggle against prejudice and misconceptions.

This book is great read and I thank David for inviting the reader to share his family's experiences.

I loved to hear about the trials and tribulations of the Valdes Greenwood family! The section about house hunting was especially entertaining!

While others might have found this book witty, clever and/or funny I simply found it heartwarming and wonderful. A gay family tale and well written truth often overlooked by other gay writers. Although I'm sure there are many stories out there like that of the Valdes Greenwood's and their daughter Lily Ruth I have rarely found anyone so willing to share their family with such honestly, joy and love as David does in "Homo Domesticus". While not sugar coating or ignoring those unpleasant moments we all experience in life David also doesn't dwell on, exaggerate or exploit them at the expense of his family. I finished the book feeling as though I know personally all three of the Valdes Greenwood family and wishing for them nothing but the very best future possible. Although a rather short book and quick read it is one that will remain in my mind and my heart for a long time. Is this story representative of all gay marriages and relationships? Of course not, but if you're seeking an honest representation of what one gay marriage and family can be I would highly recommend that you take a chance on "Homo Domesticus".

David Valdes Greenwood has written an incredibly honest, humorous, and poignant account of his experiences as a married man. That he is married to another man is, of course, the key point that will make many readers pick up this book. (That, and the nifty "His and His" towels on the cover.) But readers who hope for a safari through the exotic world of gay marriage, or a laugh-a-minute leather-thonged Lucille Ball comedy, or a "Desperate Househusbands" soap opera, are bound to be disappointed. Because HOMO DOMESTICUS is about love and marriage, period.

Yes, it would be idiotic and insensitive to say there are no differences between gay and straight marriages. The unending and infuriating debate about marriage itself makes that abundantly clear. But what HOMO DOMESTICUS makes clearer is that the similarities outweigh the differences by about a million to one, and that if you pull the covers off any couple, gay or straight, you'll find the same angels and demons surrounding them: love and jealousy, sex, money, in-laws, fights, reconciliations, joy, stress, and, of course, the issue of "issue" (children).

Once you accept that, what you find in HOMO DOMESTICUS is not just a familiar account of marriage, but a funny and heartwarming one. David Valdes Greenwood's style is energetic and inviting and so full of wit and candor, you'll start to feel like you're sitting in a coffee shop with him, listening to his latest adventures in marriage, rather than sitting alone somewhere reading his book and wondering why the hell your spouse doesn't think about all these things.

One word of warning: reading HOMO DOMESTICUS is addictive. The book leaves off at a key point in the marriage, and you'll find yourself desperate to know what happened next. But take heart. In his writing, as in his marriage, David Valdes Greenwood seems to be in it for the long haul.

When it comes to reading about family life, I am somewhat of a voyeur, since my own family members come with four paws and fur. And I absolutely loved this book. It's family life at its best...a lifestyle even devotedly single people can admire. It's like visiting friends who are so much fun you don't want to go back to your own home.

David Valdes Greenwood writes with understated humor that leads to laugh out loud paragraphs. For instance, he tries to join a circle of new moms in his town, only to be referred to a gay parents group in another town. "I know how to be gay," he says. "I want to learn how to be a parent!"

As someone who's lived through shifts in attitudes toward gay couples (including a stint in San Francisco), I'm delighted with the tone of the book: it's more about being a family than about being a gay family. He finds humor and human interest in the routines of grocery shopping, cooking and waking up to change the new baby. And he finds ties to extended family as the couple's own parents morph into doting "Grammy" figures, each determined to spoil the baby.

Wouldn't it be fun to have these guys as neighbors, living down the block? You could pop down to say hi, borrow a cup of sugar and get cooking tips along with a dash of fun and friendship...and they're smart, too.

Let's hope David has a follow-up volume in the works.

I hope the readership of this book doesn't get limited to those who want to read about same-sex relationships, because this great book should be read by anyone who enjoys a good memoir. The author has a great way of writing about feelings that are shared by many but not expressed well by many! For example, how it feels during the early days of having a new baby in the house. I can well recall the feeling that I wished somehow there was a way out of parenthood without anyone being hurt! It's such an overwhelming time, and you love that little one so much, but the crying....! And then those days pass, and that first smile happens, and it's all written about here so skillfully. I also very much enjoyed hearing about buying a house in the Boston market written about by someone NOT rich! I often feel like the world of published writing is getting pretty exclusive, and most of those who write seem to have very little idea what it's like to struggle financially. I really appreciated reading about someone else that understood how very hard it can be to buy in Boston! I hope this author keeps writing and writing.

I have to admit that I didn't rush right out and buy this when it first came out. I figured it was just another knock-off title meant to capitalize on a hot topic. Besides, having read Dan Savage's memoirs of gay parenting ("The Kid") and gay marriage ("The Commitment"), I thought this topic had been pretty much exhausted. WRONG! I should have known that a rich topic is never exhausted when the writer is as talented as David Valdes Greenwood.

"Homo Domesticus" is an incredibly fluid collection of essays depicting the courtship, marriage, home buying and adoption experiences of a unique, yet average gay male couple. Valdes Greenwood is a hugely gifted story teller, deftly communicating the seemingly mundane travails of day-to-day living with equal measures of poignancy and genuinely witty humor (I laughed out loud on several occasions). Perhaps the greatest praise I can give this (or any) writer is that I eagerly await the publication of his next book (in this case "A Little Fruitcake: A Boyhood in Holidays" slated for release this November).