Homosexuality and the Christian: A Guide for Parents, Pastors, and Friends [Paperback]

Mark A Yarhouse (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 2010

Mark Yarhouse gives honest and accurate answers to parents and pastors who have questions about homosexuality. Throughout the book, the author uses a new framework for understanding the issue, carefully separating the concept of "same sex attraction" from a "gay identity." In a clear and compassionate style, he explains the research regarding what causes same-sex attraction and whether or not it can be overcome. He also discusses what Christians can do when someone they know opens up to them about their homosexual attractions.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Yarhouse challenges the church to provide an alternative script, one that makes identity in Christ central, and therefore carefully distinguishes between temptation, behavior, and the center of one's identity. By taking into consideration those with same-sex attraction who nevertheless reject the gay identity, Yarhouse shifts the conversation from the causes of homosexuality to the choices one makes regarding the will of God. --Christianity Today

About the Author

Mark A. Yarhouse is a professor of psychology and the director of the Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity at Regent University. He is also part of a group practice in the Virginia Beach area, providing individual, couples, family, and group counseling. Dr. Yarhouse received his PsyD from Wheaton College and has worked collaboratively on a number of books. He and his family live in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Bethany House Publishers (September 1, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0764207318
• ISBN-13: 978-0764207310
• Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.4 x 8.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #60,291 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #32 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > History
  • #34 in Books > Religion & Spirituality > Religious Studies > Gender & Sexuality

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

38 of 44 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A New Perspective October 2, 2010

By John A. Bird

Format:Paperback

The Christian conversation on homosexuality is often marked by a lack of humility, compassion, and understanding. In his new book, Homosexuality and the Christian: A Guide for Parents, Pastors, and Friends, Mark A. Yarhouse (Professor of Psychology at Regent University) reminds the church that "real, hurting people--Christians and non believers alike--are...struggling with the issue." And he introduces a new way to look at the topic. In fact, he says that his goal is "to do nothing less than change the entire conversation."

When talking about homosexuality, Yarhouse uses a three-tier distinction: attraction, orientation, and identity. One may experience an isolated or occasional attraction to the same sex without having a same-sex orientation. One may have a same-sex orientation, yet choose not to accept a gay identity. Yarhouse argues that neither of these first two tiers is the result of choice. The last tier is where choice comes in. How does one respond to sexual desire? And what, or who, should a Christian place at the center of their identity?

The "gay script" tells sexual minorities that "same-sex attractions are at the core of who [they] are as a person." Therefore, those with same-sex attractions should form their identity around their homosexuality. This includes engaging in same-sex behavior. But there's an alternative for the Christian. Instead of basing an identity upon sexual desire, a Christian's identity is "in Christ." Same-sex attraction doesn't define a person. Rather, it is one part of human experience. Part of the human experience that, because of the fall, is "not the way it's supposed to be."

In part one of his book, Yarhouse addresses the obvious questions: what does God think about homosexuality, and what causes homosexuality?... In answering the first question, Yarhouse looks at what the Bible says about sexuality as a whole instead of addressing the few passages that deal specifically with homosexual behavior. In considering the second question, what causes homosexuality, Yarhouse reviews the most common suspects: biology, childhood experiences, environmental influences, and adult experiences. After weighing each one, he concludes: "We don't know what causes homosexuality."

Part two deals directly with those who are, or who have family members who are, attracted to the same sex. There are chapters for parents as well as spouses of those who "announce a gay identity." Part three addresses a broader audience--the Christian community. Yarhouse says that the message most sexual minorities hear from the churches today is "God hates you. You need to change."

"But there is another way. Without compromising its position on the issue of same-sex behavior, the church can recognize that Christians who are sexual minorities are our people, and we can speak to them....We need to do less preaching against homosexuality and more equipping of all believers to grow in a curriculum of Christlikeness."

Yarhouse succeeds in presenting a new perspective on the issue of homosexuality and the church. He is able to be faithful to orthodox Chrisitian beliefs and values while also being open-minded and sensitive. Though he doesn't continuously quote Scripture (he even warns against proof-texting), his arguments are centered on a Biblical understanding and worldview. That combined with his scientific research and years of experience as a Christian counselor makes for a compelling book.

We would all benefit from a better understanding of the struggles that many of our brothers and sisters deal with. If they don't find love and support from fellow believers, where do they turn? It's time that the church reaches out to this marginalized group rather than pushing them away. This book is a step in the right direction.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Bethany House. Read more ›

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Homosexuality and the Christian October 1, 2010

By Kara Swanson

Format:Paperback

Having recently spent a great deal of time on a Christian college campus, I am keenly aware of the passion and energy with which the topic of homosexuality and the Christian is being discussed. Significant changes are occurring in our culture. This can be seen very clearly in the media, but it was also quite obvious to me on the aforementioned campus. For these reasons, I was eager to read this book by Mark Yarhouse, a Christian psychologist.

The book is laid out in a logical manner, first covering big picture issues like "What does God think about homosexuality?" and whether or not someone can choose -- or change -- their sexual orientation. He then moves on to questions facing families, such as how to respond to a child announcing a gay identity. Finally, he closes by raising questions for the Church in terms of their response to homosexuality.

Yarhouse makes an important distinction between gay identity and orientation that is unique among the literature that I've read on the topic, and is crucial for understanding the issue. He seems to balance respect for the individual with solid Biblical teaching against homosexual behavior.

I believe this book would be helpful to all Christians concerned about this issue, and particularly for those who are dealing with issue of gay identity in their families and churches.

Thank you to Bethany House Publishers for providing this book for review. I was not required to provide a positive review.

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars a compassionate conservative approach October 4, 2010

By John Umland

Format:Paperback

Is there another way for conservative Christians to respond to fellow believers who are homosexually oriented, other than insist they change into heterosexuals through prayer and counseling? Can we tell our gay brothers and sisters to do something other than "pray the gay away"? Do we have to reject the church's historical and traditional understanding of homosexuality to exhibit grace to our gay brothers and sisters? I found Mark Yarhouse's book a breath of fresh air on the conversation, blowing the smoke and stink away for a moment.

Bethany House offered me a selection of books to review, and this one was exactly what I've been looking for. I think I have practiced this approach, but was insecure, because I felt it was right without a defense for it. It just felt right. I can be open with my gay friends without affirming their expression. Yarhouse's research and experience as a psychologist and professor of psychology gave him insight into a segmentation of the development of homosexual identity and also exposure to gay Christians who have chosen chastity.

His three tiers of homosexuality are same-sex attraction, homosexual orientation, and gay identity. He summarizes this at the end of the book in terms of a psychological development path. In his words, "There is a kind of developmental path toward forming a gay identity that typically involves three broad stages: identity dilemma, identity development, and identity synthesis. Our understanding today is that sexual identity development begins with sexual attraction starting around ten or twelve, and may involve same-sex behaviors around the ages of thirteen to fourteen for those who engage in same-sex behavior.... Same-sex behavior may be followed by a questioning of identity and then, for some, labeling of themselves as gay at around fifteen." p. 202

But the last step between development and synthesis is heavily influenced by four main sources of authority in the believer's world: scripture, faith tradition, reason, and personal experience. Yarhouse says, "all believers are encouraged to reflect on the relative weight they give to these different sources of information or authority. Everyone with an opinion on the matter should be able to identify which source or sources of authority are trump for them in these discussions: the Bible, Christian tradition, reason, or personal experience. Everyone favors one or two sources of authority over the others." p.201

He then talks about two scripts for the gay Christian deciding on their identity. "The gay script relies heavily on the discovery metaphor by emphasizing the fact that same-sex attractions signal who a person really is. By doing this, the script categorizes people based on their sexual attractions. In other words, people are defined by who they are attracted to and do not have any choices in the matter.

Alternative scripts focus on the metaphor of "integration" and emphasize the fact that people can choose their identities, regardless of their same-sex attractions. One such alternative is an "identity in Christ" script." p.203.

Yarhouse presents the data on the prevalence of homosexuality (single digit percentages) as well as therapy to change orientation (not very successful). Although therapy for change is an option, he cautions us to keep our expectations low. Let God surprise us, not demand a miracle. Finally, he wants us to embrace our family members who are sexual minorities instead of ostracizing them. He exhorts us, "We can support efforts to change sexual orientation, but we can also make sure we communicate to our people that their walk with God, their spiritual maturity, their depth of character is not contingent on the degree of change of sexual orientation they experience. They can pursue a life in Christ, an identity that is central to who they are and is common with all believers." p.217

I know this book does not satisfy gay believers who have reconciled their homosexuality with the Bible and tradition. He is not trying to appease this segment in the church. His appeal is to the Biblically conservative friend, parent, spouse, or pastor of a believer who is gay, to one degree or another. He calls us to compassion, which means to "suffer with," rather than add to their suffering by telling them to choose to be straight and stop being gay. Just as we want others to get out of God's way in our lives, so also we should treat others the way we want to be treated, with love. Read more ›

7 of 9 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars An interesting read... Jesus died for ALL of us January 27, 2011

By Yiya Cucuy

Format:Paperback

In this book, Mr. Yarhouse describes his concern for the current way of dealing with homosexuality. As an experienced counselor, he is worried about the lack of empathy and understanding that people show, particularly for those parents who are not available, would not listen nor interact with their children when they express their interest for the same sex. He divides the book in three parts. In the first one, the author makes a sort of trip through history and customs in order to define what homosexuality is. The second part is addressed to families that are dealing with a homosexual member and the third one considers the same, but in a church environment.
I was disappointed when reading the first part, because there is such a resemblance with humanistic and philosophical texts, specifically with the politically correct speech with which Mr. Yarhouse carefully makes his statements. Actually, it seems that he is tiptoeing around the issue. For example, he says that "our conclusion is that homosexual behavior is not appropriate for the Christ-follower." (Page 35) It is unclear if he is saying that homosexual behavior is then appropriate for those who are not Christ-followers, particularly after considering biblical, scientific, social, ecclesiastical, cultural and doctrinal arguments. In this respect, I would have liked that he were a little more exact with his opinion, so that it did not seem as a justification for homosexuality or weakness of biblical principles. However, he does bring out a very good point, the fact that homosexuality is not the only sin and is often THE only sin many tend to see, forgetting about greed, lack of love, pride, guilt or labeling others.
My opinion began to shift with the next sections, despite humanistic values permeating in the text. Mr.... Yarhouse considers that there is a difference between attraction, orientation and identity. From this point on, he exposes how it is that people consider a number of factors that influence their decision to adapt their behavior and shape it into a homosexual identity. Therefore, he invites us to be good stewards of our sexuality, taking care of ourselves and our marriages, not conforming to the culture of this world (therefore, affecting our society and its worldview), as we also better our relationship with God. He invites people to be humble and charitable and consider a different approach, and empathic one, for the mere fact that Jesus also died for homosexuals. By doing so, he also invites us to reflect on what it is we believe and why, and not take judgment into our hands.
What I think is the best way to summarize Mr. Yarhouse's opinion is a testimony of a homosexual man who was driven to church by Christians who showed him love and not rejection; he was authentically wanting to have a relationship with God (page 96). This man describes how, during prayer, God put in his heart the conviction that he had to change his preferences because they did not agree with Him. He says that his life was never the same after that prayer; I think this is what the author intends to take the readers to, focusing not on a sexual identity, but on identity in God.
Bethany House Publishers gave me a copy of this book in exchange for a review, and this does not bias my opinion about the book or the author. Read more ›