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Homosexuality: The Secret a Child Dare Not Tell [Paperback]

Mary Ann Cantwell (Author)
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)


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Book Description

May 1, 1998 0964982994 978-0964982994 1st
HOMOSEXUALITY: The Secret a Child Dare Not Tell was written and published to educate the public about the obvious, yet irrationally-resisted, fact that homosexuals do not spring up at university enclaves and on city streets as fully-grown, mature sexual beings. First they were children, and as children, subjected to a great deal of hatred and other negativity. The book gathers surveys from many gay and lesbian adults and parents of gay and lesbian adults, and shows that all gays and lesbians shared the experience of having to hide something essential about themselves from their families and friends.

Mary Ann Cantwell wrote the book with the idea of educating the parents of all young children about the possibility that their child might be suffering needlessly and alone

This book, considered to be very "user-friendly," has been selected as an excellent source for use in diversity training, whether for schools, churches or for business. The author imagined a day when health care professionals would provide sexual orientation information along with the shots which protect the physical well-being of young children. She believes this information should strengthen the cohesion and nurturing power of all families.


Editorial Reviews

Review

"A brilliant work for educators, parents, and clinicians. I have used the book several times in my own classes." -- Gerald P. Mallon, D.S.W., Hunter College, CUNY, and author of Let's Get This Straight.

"A real treasure trove. Pediatricians and teachers need to know this information ... vital to the well-being of the whole family." -- Pflagpole, The magazine for PFLAG

"Some of the stories are the ones we speak aloud only when dark has come to hide our faces..." -- Lesbian Review of Books

About the Author

Mary Ann Cantwell, the author, is 79 years old, a former special education teacher and syndicated columnist, a contributor to the New York Times Op-Ed pages, and the mother of ten children, one of whom, Mike, her fifth son, is gay. (Of some interest to Washington State residents, she is the paternal aunt of Sen. Maria Cantwell.) She is a graduate of Butler University, with B.A. and M.S. degrees. Homosexuality: The Secret a Child Dare Not Tell is her second book. Mary Ann believes "it is the business of old women to do justice."

Ms. Cantwell got started on this book after her son Mike revealed that he knew he was "different" at a very young age, yet at the same time knew he had to be quiet about it. This came out in casual conversation when Mike was in his early 40's. Mary Ann was surprised, even though Mike had been "out" with her since his early 20's.

So the author gathered surveys from many gay and lesbian adults and parents of gay and lesbian adults, and found out that most gays and lesbians shared something along Mike's experience; yet their mothers generally did not realize their children's different orientation until the kids were about twenty; and the fathers reported not knowing until they were told.

Mary Ann was able to use her old family life columns, written for the Indiana Catholic and Record during the first 10 years of Mike's childhood, to find evidence of missed opportunities to provide her son with a safe acceptance of his possible orientation. Drawing on John Stuart Mills' essay, "On the Subjugation of Women," Ms. Cantwell also comments upon the link between patriarchal ideology and homophobia.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 134 pages
  • Publisher: Rafael Pr; 1st edition (May 1, 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0964982994
  • ISBN-13: 978-0964982994
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,790,667 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars The Sooner Parents Read This Book, the Better, September 2, 2004
This review is from: Homosexuality: The Secret a Child Dare Not Tell (Paperback)
Cantwell related her own experiences as a mother and teacher and shared the results of her informal study of other parents in this book. She employed informal interviews and questionnaires of lesbians, gays, and their parents in order to explore the effects of coming out on family relationships. The inquiry provided a peek into the experiences of boys who realized their same gender attraction at the average age of 6 years, 4 months and girls who made the same realization at the average age of 6 years, 8 months, yet kept this secret from their parents until they were an average of 22 years and 17 years, respectively. This mirrored research and anecdotal reports that gay men, bisexuals, and lesbian women were aware of their differentness at a very early age but spent their formative years at risk and in anguish before coming to terms with their sexuality.

Cantwell used these results to explore the difficulties her own son had as a child and to speculate about the origins of the behaviors of disturbed six- and seven-year-olds she taught at the time. She regarded the gap between the time her struggling, pre-adolescent son tried to tell her he was "different" and the time he finally came out to her as twenty years of lost opportunities for nurturing, support, and intimacy.

Her insights suggest that there is much more that parents can do to provide a safe and nurturing environment for their sons and daughters when they are very young. Pretending is not only difficult for children, but parents who do not truly know their closeted children face an invisible barrier that blocks genuine intimacy. A hug from a parent who is the object of this deceit can seem hollow and meaningless to a craving child, and provides a glimpse into how this could lead one to search out less healthy sources for intimacy. The invisible barrier between parents and children keeping secrets by hiding their sexuality has been reported by other parents and supported by popular and research literature on family secrets.

This book is a must-read for any parent, and the younger their child, the better.
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