Customer Reviews

Honey Are You Listening?: Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Your Marriage

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

"Honey Are You Listening?" is meant for spouses. Non-ADD partners in a relation are forced to live with the seemingly unorthodox lifestyle and perspective of an ADD person. The Fowlers relate through their experience (he's ADD, she's not) the challenges, followed by their suggestions. It is worth reading.

It is marketed toward a Christian audience, but other than a few "Praise God's," a few mentions about church, and a couple of minor allusions to applied theology, it is really just a book of ideas for helping manage married life. No one will find themselves offended by the religious statements; they are innocuous.

The ideas and discussion are great: Ironclad budgets, how to study, lifestyle organization, communication tips, anger management, understanding impulsivity, and children. It's strength is in communicating that there are solutions and processes for a successful marriage despite ADD.

Filled with anecdotes, a spouse might sigh in relief, recognizing that his or her problems are not unique, and that these issues are not just within their marriage, but occur commonly in an ADD/non-ADD marriage. These vignettes can bring hope to a harried reader.

Where the book is weakest is when the writing becomes cliche and cute, and begins to sound like a seminar. All the chapters begin with 'ADD---' as in 'ADDmitting Anger' and 'ADDvancing Through School'. If you've ever read any literature on ADD, you've heard this and the tales of the distracted, goofy husband. Taking the book seriously when it doesn't is not easy, and it takes away from the good sense the writers describe throughout.

For the reader looking to learn about ADD for the first time, this isn't your book. Read "Driven to Distraction" first, and then come to this one. It isn't too deep so much as it helps to have more grounding in what ADD is.

I recommend "Honey Are You Listening?" by Rick and Jerilyn Fowler. As the spouse understands ADD more, it will help love and a loving marriage flourish. The ADD spouse will feel more support and strength, and a little less alone.

Anthony Trendl
editor, HungarianBookstore.com

Note: This review is based on the original release of the book as it was all that was available at the local library.

I was excited to find a resource that dealt with ADD and Marriage. However, this book was not what I hoped it would be.

First, I felt that the author could be overly negative about his own ADD at times. It sounded as if he was struggling with some of his own feelings of inadequacy based on his ADD tendencies. Although living with ADD can be difficult I don't believe that it has to be such a negative issue and I think he could have approached it in a more positive light.

Second, the entire book was based on his own marriage. This would not have been a problem with me if he wasn't a clinical psychologist. As he dealt with other people with the same problems in his everyday life I would have found it more useful if he used examples from other couples as well as his own marriage. It was assumed that all ADD marriages are like his own. For example they often talked about how the ADD spouse is extremely right-brained and that the non-ADD spouse is extremely left-brained. However, in my own experience I have found that my husband has some left-brained tendencies and that I have some right-brained tendencies. I felt that there was too much of a push to label us as all one way or the other way.

Third, it sounded as if he were advising the non-ADD spouse to become a baby-sitter for the ADD spouse. He did point out that the ADD spouse should take personal responsibility for him or her self but the majority of the solutions were about how the non-ADD spouse can help "fix" the problems of the ADD spouse.

I did find a few helpful items within the book; however, only a few paragraphs of helpful information doesn't warrant a purchase of this book.

On a positive note, I did like the fact that his wife had written parts of the book. I would have enjoyed hearing more from her just as a way to balance the marriage advice given instead of having most of it written from one perspective.

It was a definite relief to read examples and "symptoms" that I've been dealing with in my marriage, and this book does help me understand where my spouse is coming from. As another reviewer said, it does have religious references peppered throughout, but they are from the perspective that this is the author's interest and hobby. It could as easily have been Greek mythology or basketball, it was that inoffensive and not at all pushy. My biggest concern with the book is feeling that the author at times is telling me to just paste on a smile and deal with some of our biggest problems in a positive and supportive manner, as if I just have to take it, rather than the ADD spouse might need to work on his/her behavior a bit more. Since the author does have ADD and does have a very meek and supportive wife, I'm wondering if that's supposed to be his idea of the "ideal" partnership, rather than having BOTH partners work together to meet in the middle. I preferred "A.D.D. and Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships" by Jonathan Halverstadt (that author also has ADD).

I found the stories from Mrs. Fowler very helpful. It was helpful to realize that others have the same frustrations. Also, gave me more insight into my spouses behavior. However, the author, who has ADD, seems to forget who his audience is at times. He often writes to those with ADD rather than the non-ADD spouse. Also seems to focus on the non-ADD spouse making accomodations rather than meeting in the middle. I didnt mind the religious references until he went so far as to say he could relate better than most people to Jesus because his ADD gave him similar personality traits. Wish his wife had written the book instead!

Rick Fowler had ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder. ADD is not a disease, and people who have it are in no way "sick". It is a difference - a big difference - in the way the brain handles information. While most people think in a one-thing-at-a-time way. ADD people take in everything at once. Sometimes they overlook the trees because they see the forest. This can be frustrating for a non-ADD partner who doesn't understand the ADD thought process. However, since communication is one area where people with ADD shine, it is well worth learning a few special skills so that you & your ADD spouse can understand each other.

In this book, Dr. & Mrs Fowler-married 34 yrs - share proven & practical tips for dealing with the sometimes exasperating traits of your ADD partner. Focusing on the advantages of living with someone who is "wired" differently, they show you how to turn those unique ADD qualities into benefits, so that you will have a more intimate, satisfying relationship.

If you are the annoyed partner of a person with ADD, you will be even more annoyed when you read this book. Its author suffers from untreated ADD, which he apparently feels has been "healed" by a combination of spiritual faith, wishful thinking and his (evidently) saintly wife. His writing "style" reflects the annoyingly disjointed patterns of a person with ADD; he goes off-topic every few sentences in a manner which is unhelpful to the reader, to say the least. I had bought this book in the hope of finding some useful tools for my marriage, only to find that it piqued my already stressed state of mind. Reading it was like talking to a drunk alcoholic in a bar about how to cope with your partner's alcoholism; I found myself feeling quite hopeless. This book is worse than useless.Honey Are You Listening?: Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Your MarriageHoney, Are You Listening? (Minirth Meier New Life Clinic)

This book is a revised version of one I got from our local library. It is a refreshing look at the interactions that are needed in any relationship where ADD/ADHD is a factor. It got 4 stars from me because some parts are overly talky, the beginning of the book was the best part for me.