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85 of 113 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A perfect trashy review
This is a classic memoir of some ridiculously funny random sexual experiences, coupled with rampant alcohol and drug overindulgence. Chelsea's is a rare breed; a talented comic and contagious writer. Each chapter is an outlandish collection of the painful things that go wrong in her sexual conquests and latent promiscuity. The midget sex story was my favorite. Oh...
Published on March 3, 2009 by G. Zemanski

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277 of 326 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Some funny vignettes, but there's an "ick" factor
This is a vacation read -- something I wouldn't normally pick up, but it was sitting there, and I was headed out to the beach to suck down some tropical concoction in the sun. So, why not?

Chelsea Handler has written an account of one-night stands that she has experienced. The cast of characters is interesting, and sometimes bizarre, and the situations range...
Published on November 1, 2008 by Kenneth Simon


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277 of 326 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Some funny vignettes, but there's an "ick" factor, November 1, 2008
By 
Kenneth Simon (Glendale, CA USA) - See all my reviews
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This is a vacation read -- something I wouldn't normally pick up, but it was sitting there, and I was headed out to the beach to suck down some tropical concoction in the sun. So, why not?

Chelsea Handler has written an account of one-night stands that she has experienced. The cast of characters is interesting, and sometimes bizarre, and the situations range from laugh-out-loud funny to irritatingly off-putting.

I enjoyed it sporadically, as much as I simultaneously found it offensive. I don't know how much the author has embellished, and how well she's hidden the identity of some of her subjects, but I'd sure be sorry if I showed up in her book! She's rather merciless and shallow, a hedonist who wants to have a good time and doesn't even try to spare the feelings of men who, er, aren't up to the task. I'm trying to imagine a book written with genders reversed, where a man takes a woman home from a bar, only to reject her in the bedroom because of, say, her breast size. Eeyuck.

It's also a shame that Handler thinks that hedonism is cool when it extends to being an alcoholic. No, she doesn't label herself an alcoholic, and maybe she's not one. Maybe she's exaggerating things for comedic effect, but if that's the case, the unintended consequence was to make herself out to be a happy drunk.

That said, if you can accept the author's total pursuit of her own pleasure (her feeble attempt at the end to portray this as a phase coming to an end doesn't really ring sincere), the book does have some pleasure to offer the reader as well, with a couple of very funny predicaments and sexual disasters.

If you want a few sexually-charged laughs, you could sure do worse than this book. And it was okay as a vacation read. That's as far as I can go in recommending My Horizontal Life.
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296 of 367 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars A Hollow Life, July 8, 2008
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I've casually enjoyed Chelsea Handler's TV show for some time. She's witty and clever on television, so I thought her book would offer more of the same. Unfortunately, this book changed my perception of Chelsea, and once I finished the book I came away from the experience feeling I wasted my time. Chelsea's experiences really do seem like aimless recollections of a shallow existence. As another reviewer pointed out, her memoir reads like a series of Sex in the City scripts minus the fashion. Unfortunately, Chelsea often comes off as pretentious, vapid, and morally bankrupt. I kept hoping the narrative arc of the book would reveal some growth and personal reflection. Instead, the book continuously chronicled Chelsea's nihilistic existence. Sure there are some humorous moments, but they are too few. Many of Chelsea's recollections focus on her insatiable desire for sex and a general contempt for those who aren't physical specimens. In an attempt to be funny, Chelsea's lack of compassion for others (i.e. her roommate or fellow booze cruise passengers) simply reveals her hollow character. There's little redeeming quality in Chelsea's memoir; for those looking for self-deprecating laughs, a much better choice would be among the works of Laurie Notaro.
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127 of 160 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Not funny at all, a serious waste of time and money, December 18, 2009
I bought this book at Borders from their "buy one, half off the second book" collection. I should have known that there was a reason Borders was trying to unload it that way. I have a raunchy sense of humor so I figured from the title that this would be a good read. Wasn't looking for War and Peace, just some funny stories. Boy, was I disappointed.

These stories are not funny. They are each a study in how to act like a trailer trash tramp and be boring doing it. For these stories to be funny, it would help if the reader could somehow identify with the narrator and see the irony of the situations she gets herself into. Unfortunately, I have never been a drug-addled, sex-obsessed loser who thinks other people exist to serve my needs. When she ridicules the only person laughing at her stand up comedy routine, it becomes clear she doesn't actually like anyone unless she's high, drunk and horny. She's not an endearing drunk or a decent storyteller. She's mean-spirited, prejudiced self-centered and worst of all, not funny.

Spare yourself the 30 minutes of reading it will take to figure out that this book does not deliver on the promise of the title.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars My boring life, March 12, 2012
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This was so shallow and boring! Basically, this is just a series of sexual encounters punctuated with alcohol and drugs. Oh. La. Ti. Da.

Basically,the action is predictable beyond predictable. The main character, a woman, screws a random guy on a one-night stand. She drinks. She screws some more men. She drinks some more. The resolution? In a tantrum because the guy she picked for the one-night stand of the moment has had so much cocaine he can't get an erection, she decides she's going to "take a break" from casual sex and hunt for a husband. Fifties throwback much? Ick.

I kept thinking there was some emergence story coming out of this, as in stuff like, "Crank" and the other Hopkins' books, or even a struggle story. No such luck. She may have a TV show worth watching, but this book is NOT worth reading, free or not.

Don't waste the space on your Kindle nor on your bookshelf. You will regret it. I promise.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Utter Crap, January 6, 2013
Pure garbage. I was forced to read this by my liberal Sociology Professor at the University of Washington. . Give this book a read if you are a proponent of gratuitous sex for the sake of sex itself and with no fear of the sociological or health ramifications. The author brags that she cannot remember the number of sexual partners she has had and that, quite frankly, is a laudable goal if you truly want to be "sexually free". The author is basically a spun out drunken whore who has issues with her daddy and is striking out as a result. Poorly written and even more poorly edited. Clearly rushed into publication to take advantage of Gen-X's hunger for popular culture with the word sex in it. Utter crap.
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56 of 70 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Pass On This One, June 24, 2009
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I heard about this book and thought it would be a fun read so I downloaded a sample cahpter to my Kindle. It was really quite funny but I didn't realize it was more of an introduction than anything else. Having been entertained I bought the book.

Within an hour I called customer service for a refund. The actual book was nothing at all like the intro. That is to say...it wasn't entertaining and it wasn't particularly funny. Actually, as some other reviewers have commented....it ws really quite pathetic. Do I really care how many people she screwed just to keep her numbers up. I couldn't make it through the first chapter after the intro (and I was expecting it to be funny like the intro)....dull and not really much story. There is a lot of much better material out there, humor and otherwise, to spend time on. Pass on this one!
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Not worth my time, January 25, 2011
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My opinion of the author has most definetely changed while reading this book. On tv she comes across as funny and I was expecting the book to come across as such as well. Was I wrong. This book was one of the most disturbing things I have ever read. I like humor books and enjoy the occasional sex "review" but this was just plain wrong. She comes across as a total brat who cares nothing about herself, her body or her reputation. She is constantly drunk throughout most of the events in the book and has many drugged up nights (ecstasy, etc). It is absolutely and immorally wrong. I can't believe that I read the whole thing. It was a complete waste of my time and even though it only cost me 5 bucks I wish I hadn't of spent it. If someone thinks their past sex life is funny-all the power to you. But to flaunt about going into a gynecologists office solely to get him to sleep with you then to find out he's gay and screwing a guy in a boat while you stand in the door and watch?! Really? I pray to God half of the crap in this book didn't happen. Otherwise she has no value of self worth.
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76 of 98 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Don't bother, November 26, 2005
I can't believe that so many people actually enjoyed reading this book! The only thing positive that I can say is that she is very smart to use this title. It was very misleading and I am sure a lot of people picked up the book expecting something racier.

The book is more about mocking men's physical traits than it is about one night stands. If you really insist on buying your own copy, I'm putting mine up for sale. Maybe I can make my money back.
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63 of 81 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Seriously mislead by the good reviews and little snippets, April 14, 2008
By 
Mary A. Walls (San Francisco, CA) - See all my reviews
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The book was at times funny, but mainly a disappointment. I somehow missed the fact that this book was written by a comedian. Hence, every line of the book was an attempt to be funny. The added fact that the stories are told from an admitted compulsive liar and alcoholic didn't enhance the appeal much either.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Glamorous Addict, August 18, 2012
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I like to read memoirs and the title looked interesting, only to see how misleading it is.

I could not identify with the narrator. As one whom went to rehab twice, hit a very hard bottom, I tried to relate to her addictions and her bottom. She glamorized her addiction and her bottom. Anyone who is a member of AA will see right through her and know that glamorizing her addictions shows she has a long way to go find serenity, humility, and acceptance of her addictions. It becomes clear she doesn't actually like anyone unless she's high, drunk and horny. She's not an endearing drunk or a decent storyteller. She's mean-spirited, prejudiced self-centered and worst of all, not funny.

I saw her yesterday on the Bill Maher show and she hasn't changed from her addiction racked personality. I didn't find humility, but rather a self-centered, belligerent, unhumorous sad person.
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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands (A Chelsea Handler Book/Borderline Amazing Publishing)
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