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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Barbi Benton -- truly a scream queen to die for,
By Daniel Jolley "darkgenius" (Shelby, North Carolina USA) - See all my reviews (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER) (TOP 100 REVIEWER) (VINE VOICE) (REAL NAME)
This review is from: Hospital Massacre [VHS] (VHS Tape)
Hospital Massacre is actually a pretty decent little horror movie, but we'll get to that. First, we have to talk about the film's star, Barbi Benton. Let's face it - what with the crazy disco look and the remnants of unwashed hippie fashion floating around, there just weren't that many good-looking women around in the 1970s and very early 1980s. Barbi Benton was one of the exceptions - even I knew that, dumb, cootie-fearing little kid that I was at the time. Nobody wore those short denim shorts like Barbi did during her years on Hee Haw, and Mr. Roarke didn't have to tell everyone else to smile whenever Barbi Benton emerged from "da plane" for a guest appearance on Fantasy Island. It's not hard to see why she was such a favorite of Playboy's Hugh Hefner. The girl clearly had it going on, and she wasn't a bad actress, either. If I had been making a horror film back then, Barbi would definitely have been on my short list.
Here, she plays Susan Jeremy, a woman who goes to the hospital to pick up her test results and finds herself in some kind of Twilight Zone nightmare. First, her doctor is a complete no show; then, after she sweet talks an intern into getting her test results, he escorts her to another doctor who subjects her to what looks to be a pretty humiliating physical exam of his own (although it's hard to blame the guy for wanting to get his hands all over a naked Barbi Benton); before she knows what's happening, she's confined to a bed in some kind of general ward full of loonies wondering what kind of bad news the medical staff is keeping to themselves. Long before she actually witnesses her first murder, though, she's figured out that she is perfectly healthy and that some nutcase is responsible for all of these medical shenanigans. That doesn't help her all that much, though, when she's strapped down to a gurney and the killer comes calling. We, the audience, know what is going on here, although we don't necessarily know which character happens to be the killer. Back when she was young, Susan had a little admirer who left her a valentine at the door, then watched through the window as she and a boy I presume to be her brother had a good laugh about his ickiness and obvious stupidity - it would be the last laugh the boy would ever have. Now, you would think having a violent murder on your record would preclude you from getting into medical school, but that's apparently not the case. I'm a little ashamed to admit that the killer's identity came as a surprise to me, though. Maybe I was too busy looking at Barbi's "assets" because there is at least one huge clue that all but identifies the guy early on. Summing things up, it's clear that Hospital Massacre (also known as X-Ray, Ward 13, and Be My Valentine ... or Else) has a pretty good litany of things going for it: a reasonably tight story, a decent amount of blood and guts, and a naked Barbi Benton. If that's not enough to make you want to watch this film, you'd better just stick to your sensitive dramas like The Bridges of Madison County.
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
A clunker but fun,
By
This review is from: Hospital Massacre [VHS] (VHS Tape)
"Hospital Massacre" is a pretty low aiming shot in the mid 1980's slasher stakes, and it has so many crappy moments in it that you should have a good laugh while watching it. Basically, glamour model Barbi Benton plays Susan Jeremy, a woman who pops into hospital for some routine test results only to find that she can't get out again. This is because a maniac with a serious grudge against her is blocking all escape routes and won't stop until he gets what he wants!
Now let me say that the film isn't all bad, but what really doesn't work is the hilarious implausibility of the "situation" that Susan finds herself in. As soon as the killer knows she is in the hospital, he plants some bogus test results in her file, and from this point onwards all the other hospital staff treat Susan like a dangerous and/or mentally deranged powderkeg who must be detained at all costs. Thus we see a perfectly normal woman forced into straps and restraints, slammed into locked wards, subjected to humiliating examinations and, of course, in between all that she's being pursued by a masked killer. Now the film makes quite good use of the hospital location for some good murders, but this supposed inescapability I just did not swallow. Anyway, for even more fun, let me list a few of the really outrageous goofs this film thinks it can get away with. Susan actually leaves her boyfriend in the car waiting while she pops into the hospital for "a few minutes". Amazingly, several hours go by and darkness falls before he even comes to look for her! Next watch out for a side-splitting scene when Susan hides behind a portable screen on wheels just inches away from the killer. Watch as she drops a lighter on the floor and retreives it with her foot while the killer stares right at the screen without out seeing anything. The screen even has about 12" of space below it where Susan's legs can clearly be seen. Oh sorry she also pulls the material aside to peer through the screen at him, and he doesn't see that either. Next watch for the notorious examination scene where Susan is stripped naked and felt up all over by a doctor in a supposedly sinister fashion. NO WAY would this ever be tolerated or handled in such a sleazy manner in a real hospital. Plus, save your breath for the scene in which a fleeing Susan bursts into a room full of patients in traction, who all spring to life and writhe their tethered, bandaged bodies around like it's a scene from some kind of purgatory. Why? I don't know. There's no reason at all for this shot, expect to put something bizarre to look at into the running time. I'll say this though, Barbi Benton is not bad in the role of Susan. She screams well enough and is attractive to look at throughout. Shame that the script gives her so many stupid, dumb things to do and never once is there a moment when she decides to just leave the building (it's not a prison, fer crying out loud). Luckily the murders are pretty good fun and the general looniness of the whole thing definitely makes it fun. Just forget logic and you'll enjoy it.
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
YOU STUPID NURSE!!,
By
This review is from: Hospital Massacre [VHS] (VHS Tape)
I first saw this "classic" during a Horror Movie festival hosted at my house in 1986. Out of all the films that were shown that night. This movie is the one that stood out. You have to check your brain in at the door and enjoy the ride. Bad acting, hilarious story, and some of the most memorable lines in a horror film. Watching the killer breating heavily through the surgical mask after he kills his prey speaks volumes!
You can't take this movie seriously. It's not "Gone With The Wind" folks! It's a 80's classic slasher film with no budget! But a barrel of laughs!
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