Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down [Hardcover]

Sybil Evans (Author), Sherry Suib Cohen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 5, 2000

"Hot Buttons" are emotional triggers that, when pushed, can cause people to lose control and lash out. Sybil Evans, a noted conflict resolution expert, helps people work through their interpersonal and career problems in order to deepen the quality of their relationships. She does this by showing them how to:
-- Soothe angry lovers
-- Smooth the rough edges of workplace tension
-- Choose harmony instead of fury between family and friends
-- Defuse road rage, cubicle rage, air rage, phone rage, and other banes of the times.

Providing simple, but powerful tools to help everyone cope with resentments and frustrations, Hot Buttons is an essential handbook for learning how to forge a healthier, saner approach to resolving differences in the 21st century.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Road rage. Air rage. Cell phone rage. And, yes, even Starbucks rage.

"We live in angry times," says Hot Buttons author Sybil Evans, and she should know. As one of America's leading experts on conflict resolution, Evans has worked with everyone from corporations the size of AT&T to the United States Tennis Association to couples on the brink of divorce. So what's the source of our growing hostility? Hot buttons.

"A hot button," Evans writes, "is an emotional trigger." Your hot buttons get pushed when people call you names, don't respond to you, take what belongs to you, challenge your competence, don't respect you, give you unsolicited advice, don't appreciate you, are condescending... and the list goes on. In Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down, Evans and coauthor Sherry Suib Cohen claim that by recognizing what pushes your hot buttons--and by learning how not to push the hot buttons of others--conflicts can be avoided. Even more important is the ability to turn them off once they have been pushed. The book begins with a five-step formula for doing this: "watch the play," "confirm," "get more information," "assert your own interests and needs," and "find common ground for a solution." Once the authors have explained how to achieve each step, they cover just about every conceivable conflict under the sun and how to employ the five steps in each case. Added to the mix are a number of self-quizzes for identifying what sets you off and dozens of catchy quotes, termed "Hot-Button Hints," such as "When anger rises, think of the consequences" (Confucius).

One of the book's more interesting chapters deals with how hot buttons can be hazardous to your health. Other chapters include discussions of hot buttons and intimacy, the family, children, friendship, and the workplace. Evans's expertise is apparent throughout, though she does get repetitive, particularly when driving home her points with what seems like an endless supply of personal anecdotes from those she's worked with over the years. Still, among all the examples, readers will find fresh, creative ideas for quelling rages large and small. --Patrick Jennings

Review

"If we all took Sybil Evans's advice, the world would be a much better place." -- Liz Smith

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: Harper; 1st edition (September 5, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060196998
• ISBN-13: 978-0060196998
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,324,629 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, October 7, 2000

By 

Arthur L. Terr (SAN DIEGO, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down (Hardcover)

HOT BUTTONS is a pracrical guide for transforming the impact of negative emotional overload into positive behavioral and cognitive forces. The application of the techniques described in this book may be applied to a great number of situations regardless of wheather they occur in industry, within the family, at school or in traffic. The authors provide the reader/practioner with a variety of emotionally overloaded situation for analysis and techiques for resolving them. The techniques described are consistent with many theories about human behavior. The authors, Evans and Cohen,appear to base their approach to resolving conflict by "translating...words in a fresher way that gives the dialogue a new direction." To acquire this goal requires each to engage in the PROCESS OF LISTENING and respond in such a way as to convey that each has actually attempted to understand the other. I reccommend this volume to both the individual and the organization interested in improving productivity and personal balance through improving communication in human relationships.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars AT LAST---WAY S TO CALM PEOPLE DOWN!, September 7, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down (Hardcover)

I consider myself a nice person but why does everyone get so angry all the time????I feel so frustrated when my boss, my family--even strangers at the bank attack verbally. This book is reasonable, intelligent and so easy to follow. I swear--I've already done 2 or 3 of the authors' exercises, and I'm the most popular person on the planet. This is a great book--a book that is much more than a self-help book: it's changed my life already. Also, it's funny. I rate it high, high and expect to give it for Xmas presents---who doesn't have these problems in today's raging society?

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A book with realistic examples, September 7, 2000

By 

Odin Wortman (Baltimore, MD US) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down (Hardcover)

I was surprised by how useful the book is. Somehow I didn't expect anything new but I have to admit the author uses many realistic examples. So many of the stories sounded familiar and I would find myself thinking, "There's no way to solve this." But then, somehow the author provided a solution that I believe could really work to diffuse my anger and the anger of others.

The book is well worth a read for the stress reducing potential alone. There are also some useful tools anyone can carry away from a quick read.