Customer Reviews

House Rules: A Memoir

5 star:		(36)
4 star:		(20)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

Rachel has written a deeply personal and heart-wrenching account of her childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. It isn't a "poor me" sob story, rather a truthful and self aware memoir. We're lucky to be able to read it, and I look forward to more from this talented author.

When I saw the inner-flap of this book, I got a sense of dread, yet I also felt compelled to pick this up. Indeed, the topic of this book, namely how a control-obsessed father "ruled" this family of 4 (wife and 2 daughters) is the stuff that you simply can't make up.

In "House Rules" (272 pages) first-time author Rachel Sontag shares what it was like growing up the oldest daughter in a family where Dad for whatever reason had this impulse to control every aspect of life of his wife and 2 daughters, into the extreme, and Mom simply stood by and did very little or nothing about it. The author shares an anecdote in which Mom pretends to be going around the house to feed the dog but instead sneaks into Rachel's bedroom. "'Dad is recording your phone calls. You might want to watch what you say.' I closed my eyes for a moment, in the hopes that I was imagining her standing there in my bedroom. [...] I sat up in bed. 'DO YOU SEE IT'S SICK YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THIS?' I asked. Mom held her fingers to her lips, shut my bedroom door." Wow.... And that is just one of many, many instances that the author relays to us in this painful-to-read memoir.

The sad thing is that the author bears the psychological scars of this for the rest of her life, of course exemplified by the very fact that she feels compelled to write about it, all these years later. Indeed, in the "Acknowledgments", the author ends the book with this: "Love and thanks to my entire family. I know this subject is personal, I just didn't know how to live without sharing it". The long shadows of a very painful past...

Rachel Sontag's story of her controlling and mentally abusive father initially only scratches the surface of how crushing and devastating one person's behavior can be on an entire family. But over years, it becomes more and more obvious that whether or not intentional, his behavior fractured and ultimately shattered the family dynamic. He affected not just his personal relationships with family members, but the relationships that his wife and daughters had with each other. "House Rules" is a book about the strength of overcoming such a negative environment and discovering that growing up can provide us the freedom we need to explore self-identity. A great read.

Wah! Wah! Wah! Yourself. If I had a book written about how horrible I was, I would write a review in my defense. The person above is crazy and this is why there is a WHOLE book written about thus person. I loved the book and find the above review offensive for the reason why that Rachel is not only a great writer but an AMAZING memoirist. It is not easy to write about the personal, but it is even harder to write about it knowing the person who tortured you can continue torturing you through venues like these. I admire the author for publishing this book even though this person continues to threaten not only her reality but her life. This book stands for all women who are mentally abused in middle America...sadly to admit there are many. Rachel Sontag is a sad song bird of hope.

For those who are doubtful of the truth behind this writing, it is unfortunate that it seems that either Amazon or Rachel's father removed his review of the book. It was very telling and confirmed for me everything that she states happened to her at the hands, and mind, of her father. This book is a good read, as it is interesting and quick, since the style tends to be conversational. Three-quarters of the book involve the difficulty that Rachel endured as a child, teen, and young adult. By the last 5 chapters, she is involved in more reflection and analysis of her experiences, and what she can resolve them to be so that she can continue on with her life. This book hit home for me for I had a difficult childhood, and at times had a hard time dealing with my father who often became extremely angry and threatening. I see myself in dealing with it more like Rachel's sister Jenny, still wanting normalcy and not understanding why it couldn't occur. My experiences, however, were nothing compared to the humiliation that Rachel suffered. I think that the reason that some people (maybe her parents?) have difficulty admitting that the situation was abusive is because when we hear of abused children, we usually imagine violence, drugs, alcohol, or sex being what is behind the abuse. In addition, it is not always obvious to the outside world, which is what creates the doubters, especially if the abuser is a functional person. The fact that the family is upper middle class doesn't hurt either. For Rachel, the abuse was psychological, and no less damaging - in fact, even more so, for a person must spend years trying to change their thinking after being in a situation like this. My assessment is that Rachel needed to write this book as a catharsis and a public announcement of her childhood so that she could continue on with her life.

It is a painful and all too common experience to feel as though one can never measure up to the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. Sontag has captured this experience fully and I believe, quite candidly. I applaud her bravery in not only surviving such an emotionally crippling upbringing, but for putting it out to share and for the world to judge. There are plenty of us out here who can relate.

It is a pity that Mr. Sontag chose not to use his daughter's memoir as an opportunity to see himself (and the damage he did) through his daughter's eyes and start to heal, but rather went online and showed his @$$ to the world, thereby validating his daughter's portrait of him. It is a sad day when a man would choose a sense of entitlement of being right over being a father. I can see exactly what the author was talking about.

I read this book in under four hours and it is definitely one I would recommend to anyone in the healing process.

House Rules: A Memoir

A painful account of emotional abuse and the author's journey to move beyond the need for her father's approval. The lie that was her family is exposed and she is able to find the truth that was and is her life. Rachel Sontag's strength, as a child and as an adult, is inspiring. Beautifully written.

This is an amazing book beautifully written,it must have taken incredible courage to have opened up herself again to such painful memories and thus move forward with her life. Rachel is honest and open and has actually taken the time to attempt to understand her parents destructive relationship and the repercussions of this upon family dynamics - probably still being played out today. I await with anticipation her next book and cannot recommend this book highly enough. Luckily, despite living in the U.K. it was suggested that I read this inciteful book. I imagine that many people will relate to some of the issues.

I've just visited the website Rachel's father set up to attempt to vindicate himself, and left a comment. I'm guessing that he won't publish it, so I'm doing so here:

This website just proves the point Rachel makes over and over in her book--that the family she grew up in was a broken shell run by parents who were seriously damaged. So she's making the whole thing up, Steven? Sue her for libel then--let's see how far you get. Deny in front of a judge and after taking an oath that you never drugged your wife into a zombie-like state or systematically and cruelly abused your kids. Anybody can produce a set of videos showing a few good times. How about your other daughter--where are the glowing testimonials from her? Or your brother and his kids? If you truly loved your daughter and had some regret over the things you had put her through, there might be some room for sympathy. But your sarcastic tone and need to still be "right" at all costs is the only thing that comes through here. Give it up, Steve--give up the act and get some help.

Here is the website: [...]

The entire site is filled with sarcasm and hostility.
It is, in a way, an even better testimonial to how damaged he is
than even the book was.

Like the others who have reviewed here, I couldn't put this book down. A beautifully written account of one family's hidden darkness that manages to transcend into the universal by virtue of the author's vivid descriptions and emotional honesty. This isn't a book that looks to place blame or analyze the actions of the people in it until they fit into a neat little box -- it's a living, breathing account of what it means not only to survive, but to live, with grace and tenacity. Ms. Sontag's memoir, while at times painful to read, is also one full of humor and hope. I recommend this book to everyone!