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How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage, Style, Women, and Cocktails Ever Written [Kindle Edition]

Sterling Archer
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (485 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $16.99
Kindle Price: $8.99
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Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
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Book Description

Lying is like 95% of what I do. But believe me: in this book, I’ll let you know exactly how to become a master spy just like me. Obviously, you won’t be as good at it as I am, but that’s because you’re you, and I’m Sterling Archer.

I know, I know, it sucks not being me.

But don’t beat yourself up about it, because I’m going to show you all the good stuff—what to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers) and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either:

A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work.

If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . .

Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed).

So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library.

(Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.)

About the Author

Sterling Archer is the world’s greatest secret agent and nowalso probably a bestselling author. A world-class cocksmanand former all-conference preparatory school lacrosse player,he divides his time among New York City, Monte Carlo, theOrient, several of the classier islands of the Caribbean, andGstaad. This is his first book.

Product Details

  • File Size: 2372 KB
  • Print Length: 192 pages
  • Publisher: It Books (January 17, 0012)
  • Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004FEF6RY
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #22,170 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
153 of 162 people found the following review helpful
"How to Archer" is a companion book to the Adam Reed television show Archer: Season 1, which is an animated series about a spy (Archer) who works for the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS). If you are unfamiliar with the television show, I should stop you right here and recommend you watch a few episodes to obtain an understanding of the characters and premise. The book is self-contained and you don't need to be familiar with past plot lines on the show, but you do need to have a basic understanding of Archer or the humor of the book will be mostly lost on you. You need to be able to read the book in Archer's voice to get a real grasp on it and appreciate it. Even the title's awkward non sequitur should jump out at you as "classic Archer" rather than confuse. So if you're a fan of the show, or once you've seen a couple episodes, you're ready to jump in and learn about the most important aspects of being a top ISIS agent - namely getting drunk, having sex with as many women as possible, and picking out the perfect turtleneck for a nighttime stealth mission.

In the tradition of his previous shows, SeaLab 2021 and Frisky Dingo, Reed has created a humorous look at what is presumably a 1960s (though the characters use some modern technology) intelligence agency that is lead by an agent who is arrogant, crass, sexist, egotistical, reckless, and self-serving. He believes he is God's gift to women and the US government, and is ready to share the secrets to becoming a master spy in his new book. The first thing fans of the show will likely appreciate is that this is not just a tie-in book thrown out there by FX to make a quick buck from the show or to promote season 3.
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107 of 118 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars PLEASE tell me H. Jon Benjamin is working on... January 19, 2012
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
As pitch-perfect as this book is for capturing the tone of H. Jon Benjamin (really, how can you read this WITHOUT hearing his voice as Sterling Archer in your head?), the only thing better would be if they would have him release an audio version of the book!!!
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177 of 202 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Obviously January 30, 2012
If you enjoy the show, obviously buy this book. If you don't enjoy the show, you're dumb. Possibly doubly so because you're reading comments from people that obviously love the show. Go knit yourself a pie or something.
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32 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Are the Bad Reviews Factually Incorrect? Also, Yes. February 21, 2014
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I admit to being an enormous Archer fan, but I still would never give a poorly written stack of regurgitated jokes five stars. This book delivers the laughs, especially if you know anything about the show. Which I do.

But, humor being completely subjective, I still feel compelled to at least dispel a couple shameful myths put forth by other reviewers.

MYTH: "...three out of four jokes are ripped word for word from episodes of Archer..."

FACT: Let's do some math, shall we? Archer states at the start of the book that he's contractually obligated to produce a manuscript of no shorter than 30,000 words and will, therefore, deliver a manuscript of precisely 30,000 words. As I read the book the second time, I highlighted every word I could find that either retold a joke from the show or even so much as referred to a joke from the show. I even highlighted Alex Karras (whom Lana mentions in Archer S1 E10) even though the joke about him is completely different. Total word count on reused jokes: 322. That's 1.073%. So, essentially, the book is 99% new content.

MYTH: This book "substitute[s] rehashed dry jokes for actual information" and is "not much of a guide to anything."

FACT: This is a book by Sterling Archer, so if you're expecting an encyclopedia on the finer points of covert ops, you haven't been paying attention. Spoiler Alert: you won't actually learn how to become an international spy by reading this book. That said, unless you already know the recipe for Green Russians, or the proper way to prepare Eggs Woodhouse, or how to say "Would you like to have sex with me?" in 17 languages (including Portuguese, of course), then I can assure you this book has plenty to teach you.
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20 of 23 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Do you not? February 10, 2014
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
As a high functioning alcoholic, secret agent with narcissistic personality disorder myself - I can confirm that this IS the authoritative book on "how to women, dress and cocktail". Ever.
It's like it was written is some sort of zone. A zone of... Danger.
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17 of 20 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny...not as funny as it could be May 8, 2012
By Hanagin
"How to Archer" is funny, make no mistake about it. If you've seen the show--you have seen the show, right?--then it's easy enough to listen to the Sterling Archer in your head when you read. If you haven't seen the show, I imagine you're going to hate this book. That said, why are you looking at the review of a tie-in for a show you don't even watch? Go elsewhere.

For all its humor, I don't know if the book ever really hit me as being as funny as the show is. Sterling Archer, the world's greatest secret agent and sexist playboy, is an amazing character. But much of what makes him funny is playing off other characters. When other characters from the show (Woodhouse, Krieger, Pamela) are mentioned, the book is really funny. When it's just Archer talking about can get a little stale. Still funny, mind you, but not as funny as it could be.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
If you like Archer you will love this book......How could you not.
Published 5 days ago by Denise Vaitkunas
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
You'll love the ending.
Published 8 days ago by Kelly F. Snyder
1.0 out of 5 stars The cartoon series episodes were funny, short and didn't really deal...
The cartoon series episodes were funny, short and didn't really deal with back stories. I don't really felt that the series translated well to this book. Read more
Published 9 days ago by theryons
4.0 out of 5 stars Very funny
Liked the cocktails & recipes for Eggs Woodhouse. Hate that I'm not the world's greatest secret agent. Blah blah blah (needed those last three words to post the review... Read more
Published 11 days ago by Robert Hutton
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Published 18 days ago by Madeline
3.0 out of 5 stars Three Stars
Pretty funny book if you're a fan of Archer.
Published 22 days ago by Bryan
5.0 out of 5 stars and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who is an Archer fan
This book is so well-written. You can actually hear Archer's voice speaking in your head as you read it, that's how spot-on it is. Read more
Published 23 days ago by A Russian Bear
5.0 out of 5 stars Hardcover!!!
Great book. Perfect if you loved the series. The book would be best if you haven't reached vice as some things in the story line are before vice. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Chase Lucero Jeremiah
5.0 out of 5 stars A must for anyone who enjoys good writing + satire
Hilarious - this was a Christmas gift for an Archer aficionado - The recipient recovered from uncontrollable laughter to begin reading aloud the first chapter, then submitted to... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Drink recipes are pretty good. A fun conversation starter
Hilarious and exactly in line with the Archer series. Drink recipes are pretty good. A fun conversation starter.
Published 1 month ago by pprbckwrtr
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