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How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage, Style, Women, and Cocktails Ever Written [Kindle Edition]

Sterling Archer
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (390 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $16.99
Kindle Price: $9.12
You Save: $7.87 (46%)
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers

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Book Description

Lying is like 95% of what I do. But believe me: in this book, I’ll let you know exactly how to become a master spy just like me. Obviously, you won’t be as good at it as I am, but that’s because you’re you, and I’m Sterling Archer.

I know, I know, it sucks not being me.

But don’t beat yourself up about it, because I’m going to show you all the good stuff—what to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers) and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer.



Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either:

A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work.

If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table ofcontents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this booklisted in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe gocheck that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . .

Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dressproperly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue?How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million deliciouscocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how toprepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff thatI forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to behonest, I really only kinda skimmed).

So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—likeSterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing yourgreasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I reallyneed the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, thiswasn’t a damn library.

(Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.)

About the Author

Sterling Archer is the world’s greatest secret agent and nowalso probably a bestselling author. A world-class cocksmanand former all-conference preparatory school lacrosse player,he divides his time among New York City, Monte Carlo, theOrient, several of the classier islands of the Caribbean, andGstaad. This is his first book.


Product Details

  • File Size: 1560 KB
  • Print Length: 195 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0062066315
  • Publisher: It Books (January 17, 2012)
  • Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004FEF6RY
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #48,494 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
144 of 153 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
"How to Archer" is a companion book to the Adam Reed television show Archer: Season 1, which is an animated series about a spy (Archer) who works for the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS). If you are unfamiliar with the television show, I should stop you right here and recommend you watch a few episodes to obtain an understanding of the characters and premise. The book is self-contained and you don't need to be familiar with past plot lines on the show, but you do need to have a basic understanding of Archer or the humor of the book will be mostly lost on you. You need to be able to read the book in Archer's voice to get a real grasp on it and appreciate it. Even the title's awkward non sequitur should jump out at you as "classic Archer" rather than confuse. So if you're a fan of the show, or once you've seen a couple episodes, you're ready to jump in and learn about the most important aspects of being a top ISIS agent - namely getting drunk, having sex with as many women as possible, and picking out the perfect turtleneck for a nighttime stealth mission.

In the tradition of his previous shows, SeaLab 2021 and Frisky Dingo, Reed has created a humorous look at what is presumably a 1960s (though the characters use some modern technology) intelligence agency that is lead by an agent who is arrogant, crass, sexist, egotistical, reckless, and self-serving. He believes he is God's gift to women and the US government, and is ready to share the secrets to becoming a master spy in his new book. The first thing fans of the show will likely appreciate is that this is not just a tie-in book thrown out there by FX to make a quick buck from the show or to promote season 3.
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94 of 104 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars PLEASE tell me H. Jon Benjamin is working on... January 19, 2012
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
As pitch-perfect as this book is for capturing the tone of H. Jon Benjamin (really, how can you read this WITHOUT hearing his voice as Sterling Archer in your head?), the only thing better would be if they would have him release an audio version of the book!!!
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154 of 177 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Obviously January 30, 2012
Format:Paperback
If you enjoy the show, obviously buy this book. If you don't enjoy the show, you're dumb. Possibly doubly so because you're reading comments from people that obviously love the show. Go knit yourself a pie or something.
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16 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Are the Bad Reviews Factually Incorrect? Also, Yes. February 21, 2014
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I admit to being an enormous Archer fan, but I still would never give a poorly written stack of regurgitated jokes five stars. This book delivers the laughs, especially if you know anything about the show. Which I do.

But, humor being completely subjective, I still feel compelled to at least dispel a couple shameful myths put forth by other reviewers.

MYTH: "...three out of four jokes are ripped word for word from episodes of Archer..."

FACT: Let's do some math, shall we? Archer states at the start of the book that he's contractually obligated to produce a manuscript of no shorter than 30,000 words and will, therefore, deliver a manuscript of precisely 30,000 words. As I read the book the second time, I highlighted every word I could find that either retold a joke from the show or even so much as referred to a joke from the show. I even highlighted Alex Karras (whom Lana mentions in Archer S1 E10) even though the joke about him is completely different. Total word count on reused jokes: 322. That's 1.073%. So, essentially, the book is 99% new content.

MYTH: This book "substitute[s] rehashed dry jokes for actual information" and is "not much of a guide to anything."

FACT: This is a book by Sterling Archer, so if you're expecting an encyclopedia on the finer points of covert ops, you haven't been paying attention. Spoiler Alert: you won't actually learn how to become an international spy by reading this book. That said, unless you already know the recipe for Green Russians, or the proper way to prepare Eggs Woodhouse, or how to say "Would you like to have sex with me?" in 17 languages (including Portuguese, of course), then I can assure you this book has plenty to teach you.
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15 of 18 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny...not as funny as it could be May 8, 2012
By Hanagin
Format:Paperback
"How to Archer" is funny, make no mistake about it. If you've seen the show--you have seen the show, right?--then it's easy enough to listen to the Sterling Archer in your head when you read. If you haven't seen the show, I imagine you're going to hate this book. That said, why are you looking at the review of a tie-in for a show you don't even watch? Go elsewhere.

For all its humor, I don't know if the book ever really hit me as being as funny as the show is. Sterling Archer, the world's greatest secret agent and sexist playboy, is an amazing character. But much of what makes him funny is playing off other characters. When other characters from the show (Woodhouse, Krieger, Pamela) are mentioned, the book is really funny. When it's just Archer talking about Archer...well...it can get a little stale. Still funny, mind you, but not as funny as it could be.
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Do you not? February 10, 2014
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
As a high functioning alcoholic, secret agent with narcissistic personality disorder myself - I can confirm that this IS the authoritative book on "how to women, dress and cocktail". Ever.
It's like it was written is some sort of zone. A zone of... Danger.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
My fiance loved this book!
Published 1 day ago by Cassie
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Laaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Published 2 days ago by Ken Coulter
5.0 out of 5 stars My attention span is basically non-existent
Read it if you've ever felt like being a better man than you are. Because you know what Buster? You aren't.
Published 12 days ago by unnecessarY
5.0 out of 5 stars I can't hear you over this review's awesomeness!
I seriously wanted this never to end...except when it repeated itself over and over with Archer-brand irreverence. Read more
Published 14 days ago by Daryl Wayne
5.0 out of 5 stars How to Archer
Perfect for capturing the tone of H. Jon Benjamin (really, how can you read this WITHOUT hearing his voice as Sterling Archer in your head? Read more
Published 14 days ago by Matthew Steele Clifton Park
5.0 out of 5 stars he loved the book
Got this for my boyfriend cause he loves archer, he loved the book. He said it was a very funny read and was just like archer. Read more
Published 15 days ago by Dawn Grover
5.0 out of 5 stars seriously so funny! Love it
This book is worth every cent, seriously so funny! Love it!
Published 16 days ago by JDZ
1.0 out of 5 stars It's awful, even as a toilet book.
This was awful. I mean, I know it sounds awful but I thought I'd be getting a good toilet book. No line in this is remotely funny.
Published 17 days ago by Greg
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
funny as hell. has taught me many things
Published 20 days ago by timothy jaquet
5.0 out of 5 stars If you enjoy the show
If you enjoy the show, you'll enjoy the book. Written from the perspective of Sterling Archer its an all encompassing look into the how-tos of being a world class spy. Read more
Published 20 days ago by Shane Rumrill
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