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How to Be the Best Lover: A Guide for Teenage Boys Hardcover – March 17, 2004

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Frequently Bought Together

How to Be the Best Lover: A Guide for Teenage Boys + S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College + Changing Bodies, Changing Lives: Expanded Third Edition: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships
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Editorial Reviews


"... a unique and important book for boys, and a gift to the women they will love in the future." -- Jan Hunt, author of The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart

"... will help young men and women all over the world learn what it means to be a loving partner" -- Dr. Jennifer Freed, Co Director of The Academy of Healing Arts for Teens

"...exhibits a generous and courageous spirit. Schiffer [is] offering adolescents down-to-earth, sensitive advice on authentic sexual intimacy." -- Melissa Chianta, Mothering Magazine, March / April 2004

"Who before has ever dared to tell teenage boys the deep truth about lovemaking? Thank you, Howard Schiffer!" -- Peggy O'Mara, Editor and Publisher, Mothering

From the Author

Teenagers are getting bombarded 24/7 these days about sex; movie sex, MTV sex, Abercrombie sex, Janet Jackson sex, but no one is talking about real sex. Teenagers are being pressured by their parents, pulled by their peers, driven by their hormones, and scared out of their minds by AIDS and STI's but no one is telling them the truth about being sexual. How To Be The Best Lover - A Guide For Teenage Boys was written as a gift for my son when he was coming of age. I knew if I didn't cover this topic with him, the culture would. 'Best Lover' talks about premature intimacy (How to get past running headlong into a relationship and then fleeing the second the conquest is over), sexual illiteracy (Why posturing and pretending is a loser's game) and the most important question 'When?' (Are you really ready to be naked in front of a girl, if you're still embarrassed to dance with her?!). It is my hope that 'Best Lover' will give young men the information they need to make their own choices wisely so they can enter this space with their hearts and eyes wide open.

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Heartful Loving Press (March 17, 2004)
  • ISBN-10: 0972363904
  • ISBN-13: 978-0972363907
  • Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 6.1 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #242,368 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful By John Breeding on October 7, 2004
Format: Hardcover
I recieved my copy of Howard Schiffer's "How to be the Best Lover: A Guide for Teenage Boys," with eager anticipation as I have two teenage children. My son is 18 and just started college. I am delighted that Eric is so much better off than I was so far as having close loving relationships with other young men and women. I am all too painfully aware that my own involvement with Eric as a father in talking about sex has been far from what it should be. So when I read Howard Schiffer's short, but very real and moving account of his own awkward determination to talk to his son about sex in a meaningful way, I felt connected to him. As I read the book, I was very impressed with his style and substance.

You know you are onto something good and true when it embraces paradox. "How to be the Best Lover" is bold and sensitive, sacred and profane, funny and serious. Schiffer covers the practical realities of sex, but more importatnly, he supports and encourages an exploration of authentic intimacy and is not at all cowed by the specters of fear and shame that so erode healthy, robust sexuality. I got the book with my son in mind, but as I read it, I found myself talking about sex with my 14-year-old daughter who still lives with me. I liked the book so much that I offered it to her. Vanessa spent an evening with it and returned it to me. I am now going to pass it on to my son when he comes home to visit from college.

I was already aware of James Prescott's cross-cultural research, which found that next to carrying and breastfeeding babies, the best way to differentiate between peaceful and violent cultures was whether there was a loving and supportive embrace of teenage sexuality.
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful By Julie Horn on September 27, 2005
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I am the mother of three daughters, ages 16, 18, and 22. I had heard about this book several years ago, and had looked for it over the years at our local bookstores. Realizing that I was never going to find it locally, I purchased the book online and read it immediately. I have since insisted that my husband read it, all three of my daughters have read it, and it has since moved on to the boys they are involved with.

I wish I could order copies for every middle- and high-school student in America!

As parents, we were a little squeamish at first about passing it along to the guys our girls are involved with, essentially because we are uncomfortable in thinking about our children in such intimate situations. But because since we want our daughters to be able to enjoy their physical relationships and to be treated with respect, tenderness, and love throughout their lives, we realize that they need to be knowledgeable in not only the "what goes where when and how" but also in asking for consideration and sensitivity from their partners.

Having a book to share with those partners, which provides an awareness of both the physical and emotional impact of sexual activity, and which provides a way to initiate some very important conversations is a blessing.

When so many children are engaging in sexual activity blindly, without conversation, without information except for what they may learn from their equally ignorant friends, from television sit-coms, or god forbid, lyrics pumped into their heads via the misogynistic music industry, this book is the best gift a parent can give their children.
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