How to Be Cherished: A Guide to Having the Love You Desire [Hardcover]

Marilyn Graman (Author), Maureen Walsh (Author), Hillary Welles (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this guidebook written specifically for women, the directors of the relationship workshop company Life Works offer advice on reviving a stagnant relationship or simply adding another dimension to an already satisfactory partnership. Reminding women that they are powerful and have the savvy to redirect the course of their relationships, the authors urge introspection and understanding. A key recommendation is to keep a diary detailing your feelings and to remember that love is power. Although the advice is valuable and the authors' ego-boosting approach may appeal to some readers, the choppy and repetitive writing diminishes the book's readability and potency.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Marilyn Graman is a psychotherapist based in New York’s Greenwich Village. She designs and delivers most of the courses Life Works offers. Maureen Walsh divides her time between Santa Fe and Los Angeles, where she guides the development of new projects, and creates and presents specialized courses. She is the business head of Life Works. Since 1984 they have been offering workshops, seminars, retreats and intensives to support people having more of what they want in life. In 2002 they launched Life Works Books. Together Graman and Walsh bring over 50 combined years of experience to their warm, insightful and clear-headed guidebooks.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Life Works Books (February 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0971854866
• ISBN-13: 978-0971854864
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,594,107 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading for loving relationships, May 9, 2004

By 

Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: How to Be Cherished: A Guide to Having the Love You Desire (Hardcover)

Over time long-term relationships often cool and have their problems. This is never truer than a romantic relationship between a man and a woman. The purpose of "How to Be Cherished" is to help women figure out not only why your relationship might not be all you want it to be but also what you can do to make it the relationship you want. By following the advice of the authors you can make yourself irresistible while also avoiding relationship pitfalls and before you know it you will realize you have the relationship you want. Even if your relationship is already good, you can make it even better. That's a pretty big promise to make but after reading the book I think they rise to the challenge.

If you are angry, if you are disappointed, even if you feel powerless in your relationship, you are powerful and can change it. The first couple of chapters look at how strongly you affect the man in your life by your actions, comments, moods, and attitude. As a man I have to say that the authors hit the nail right on the head here. The woman generally sets the emotional tone in a relationship. Men tend to be pretty much in emotional neutral most of the time until the woman sets the tone. You are a lot more powerful than you think!

I found chapters three and four particularly interesting. Chapter three deals with the fact that we all have a past. To understand why people do what they do it is often important to understand their past and how it affects them now. You have a past that you bring into the relationship, and he has a past that he brings into the relationship. Understanding this helps you to understand each other. The fourth chapter builds on this by looking at the fact that when you become hysterical and over react to something minor then what you are reacting to is something in your history. Hence the chapter title, "When You're Hysterical, It's Historical". The authors point out that it can be your history, his history or both of your histories, but either way it is your past controlling the situation. A healing process needs to start here to allow you to move forward in a positive relationship.

The next chapter starts the section on the actual keys to becoming cherished. There is some really powerful stuff here. Some of the real gems include empowering things like "stop feeling like your relationship is happening to you"; you are a part of it and can affect what happens. Other great sections include learning forgiveness, how to stop pushing love away, and a great section on different aspects of love and becoming the object of his affection.

Another really good chapter is "Thirteen Facts About Men". The title caught my attention right away as I wondered whether these two women really understood men or not. Well, they got this one totally accurate again. If women really understood these things their relationship would be different. While I may not agree with some of their explanations for why a particular trait is true they do get all thirteen of these totally accurate (even if some men wouldn't admit it). The book is worth the price just for this chapter alone.

Of course there is a lot more to the book than just the portions I mentioned above. I have to admit that my first reaction on receiving the book was that it was just another relationship book like the many others on the market. I could not have been more wrong. This is an exceptional book that is in a class of its own when it comes to relationship books. "How To Be Cherished" is a highly recommended read for women everywhere.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Being Cherished is incredible!, May 8, 2004

By 

"texasgirldoingmywork" (Dallas) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Be Cherished: A Guide to Having the Love You Desire (Hardcover)

I love the results of doing the work in this book. Oddly enough I was doing the work to improve my marriage, that was predictable after 13 years of marriage and neglected due to the very full nature of our life (two kids, two jobs, several rent houses, and a very successful business, and the accumulation of lots of stuff). And my marriage remains good, ahh but my relationship with my husband is definitely getting back to glowing.

But a surprise result is having so much more patience with my children -- I can be in my heart during stressful times, more consistently, with compassion not irritation or anger. I am ever so grateful for this. It will change our lives, and open a future for myself, my husband, and my children that wouldn't have been possible before.

So I did a workshop in New York with Marilyn and Maureen. And have been able to see my part of the problems of my life and I will tell you that I have successfully tolerated my discomfort as I addressed some home issues for me and my husband. What is so great is that now they are MY problems and not that my husband IS the problem. I mean I have seen my part in the problem, and have been able to take care of myself and take care of him (that wonderful man who loves me) so that we could resolve the problem.

In one instance I have figured out how I was irritating my husband by not finishing, which kept me and him stuck. And that I have actually spent the time to determine what will really work for me so that I will be happy -- really worked to design the solution to the problem -- and in so doing have discovered something that will really work for me AND him.

And, my sweet husband -- While there is much repair to do, the work has begun. All by owning my part of the problem. So the long hours away at the office, don't upset me so much, and I am happily going to his office to work with him(rather than being angered by it), and the extra stuff we've accumulated is no longer an obstacle, just an e-bay opportunity IF he is okay with it being sold, and I've begun paying attention to the things that I do that irritate him -- and owning my part -- and doing something about it. And trusting that I can talk it through, and listening listening listening.

Amazing Amazing Amazing. And I am ever so grateful.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars How to Be Cherished, August 31, 2005

By 

Jeanie C. Williams "PenPow" (Santa Cruz, CA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to Be Cherished: A Guide to Having the Love You Desire (Hardcover)

How To Be Cherished is based on the premise that when you love yourself, you are irresistible. It beckons you to remember when you were first in love, how you glowed and people loved being around you because you radiated happiness. The love you shared with your partner made life seem good and you were sure you would be happy forever.

Then reality slowly settled in and the rough edges began to show-old hurts that have not properly healed, lack of self-love and beliefs and patterns of behavior that no longer serve us. When our rough edges collide with the rough edges of our partner, it can be profoundly painful and our first response is to run the other way. How To Be Cherished gives us other options and guides readers toward a positive way to think about relationships and their inherent challenges.

According to the authors, women are trained from childhood to think happiness will come when they find the right partner. This book reveals how women can find and keep the happiness they seek by first taking care of their own needs and embracing their own power; chapters include "When You're Hysterical, It's Historical" and "Opening Your Heart to Yourself," among others. This is the third book in a series of 12 planned books based on highly successful workshops and courses created by Graman and Walsh.

Participants in these workshops come to life on the pages of this book. Intended for women in all stages of relationship, it offers a new model for relationships by recognizing women's intrinsic power and revealing the deep desire men have to please. It lays bare the assumptions and expectations that keep women from finding love that lasts and is a manual for meaningful relationship exploration.

Reviewed by Jeanie C. Williams