How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free: Third Edition [Paperback]

Tina B. Tessina (Author), Riley K. Smith (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 2002

Studies have shown that couples who have the tools to negotiate and cooperate are more able to create lasting, loving partnerships allowing each member of the partnership to be free. This thoroughly revised and expanded edition is written as a manual and shows couples how to replace cooperation with compromise or competition. It includes many step-by-step instructions and guidelines, and introduces the "negotiation tree", a tool that can help any couple turn a struggle or fight into a cooperative problem-solving session.

The book is designed especially for people who seek a model for equal partnership, and couples who want to transform struggle into teamwork. It works for couples who are married, cohabiting, or dating-in a traditional or alternative relationship.

This is a tool for designing and creating a relationship unique to your individual personalities and situation to create a loving, sustainable, healthy, and equal partnership

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Transform your unsatisfying relationship into a "loving, sustainable, healthy partnership between equals." Licensed marriage and family counselors Tina Tessina and Riley Smith show you how in this guidebook for couples of all stripes (straight and gay, married and unmarried, monogamous and open). The goal is to become a "free couple"--expressing love easily; respecting each other; sharing equal power in the relationship; expressing desires, needs, and satisfactions; and resolving problems cooperatively.

Tessina and Smith walk you through the five steps of "cooperative problem solving" using the clear, sequential instructions of the "negotiation tree." Each step is detailed in its own chapter, with highly structured techniques, frequent anecdotes, and sample dialogues clarifying the concepts and strategies. "Rather than fight, you work together; rather than feeling deprived, you both feel fulfilled," write the authors. "Rather than being defeated, you experience success; rather than restricting yourselves, you are each free to be yourself."

This book is like taking a couples workshop from two skilled, warm, and articulate therapists. Recommended for couples who are frustrated by getting stuck in conflicts and are willing to learn structured guidelines for cooperative problem-solving. --Joan Price

From the Back Cover

"Being a couple yet free is our next challenge on the evolutionary ladder. This book successfully helps us unravel the myths that block that achievement. It does so with warmth, readability, and balance. It recreates everyday problems and paints the path to their solution." Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author of Why Men Are the Way They Are. For over two decades, this book has been recognized as the established handbook on relationships between equals. It introduced the concept: cooperation instead of compromise or competition. It gives clear instructions to show you how to be true to yourself and true to your partner at the same time. Thoroughly revised and expanded, this new edition is written as a manual and includes fresh and new step-by-step instructions and guidelines to create a mutually supportive partnership allowing each individual to be equal in a relationship. It introduces the Negotiation Tree, an ingenious tool that can help any couple turn a struggle or fight into a cooperative problem-solving session. The book is designed especially for:

- People who seek a model for equal partnership.

- Couples who want to transform struggle into teamwork.

- Couples who are married, cohabiting, or dating.

- Couples who are in a traditional or alternative relationship. How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free is the perfect tool for designing and creating a relationship unique to your individual personalities and situation. With it, any couple can learn to work together to create a loving, sustainable, healthy, and equal partnership that you will treasure.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 260 pages
• Publisher: Career Press; 3 edition (March 1, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1564145492
• ISBN-13: 978-1564145499
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #951,116 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. http://www.tinatessina.com is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page); How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Page); The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again (Wiley) and The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs (New Page.) Her newest books, out from Adams Press in 2008: Money, S*x and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage and Commuter Marriage. She publishes Happiness Tips from Tina, an e-mail newsletter, and the 'Dr. Romance Blog' http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/

She is an online expert, answering relationship questions at Divorce360.com and Yahoo!Personals, as well as a Redbook Love Network expert and 'Psychology Smarts' columnist for First for Women.Dr. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and on such TV shows as 'Oprah', 'Larry King Live' and ABC news. Follow her at twitter.com/tinatessina. Facebook: www.facebook.com/tinatessina

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Held me together and got me honest, January 29, 2000

By 

David Lincer (Oakland, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to be a Couple & Still be Free (Paperback)

I found this book after making a terrible mistake in my marriage. The next day. I read it in a couple of hours, and the ideas helped me keep my marriage together and healthier for two more years. I cry a bit every time I read the introductions. I try to give this book to every person I want to spend time with. And also those entering into a new relationship.

I reccomend it highly for teenagers, new lovers, old lovers, just about everybody.

Dave

Followup to the new 3rd Edition, released Early 2002
Sigh;
The new edition really wants a new title. Part 2 of 2. Something to let people know that it really looks different. Missing all my favourite bits. Still a fine book, but definitely not the first book I would give to people. The 1st and 2nd editions are essential to appreciating the 3rd in my opinion.
I have been buying copies of earlier editions to give out to friends. Third edition in reserve for later dispersal.

David

11 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free, December 6, 2003

By 

W. THURSTON "Book Reviewer" (Melbourne, Australia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free: Third Edition (Paperback)

"How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free."

To many people this may seem to be an impossible dream. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A are two people who know that this is not the case. They have witnessed at first hand that couples within a relationship can indeed retain their freedom. A relationship that recognizes the needs of both parties, can only be good. It will allow couples to reap a richness in their existence, denied them as singles.

In today's world, we hear a lot said about the individual's right to freedom from our politicians. The concept of democracy is based on each individual's right to be free to do what they wish, that is within the law. This includes the freedom to express oneself in a healthy manner. Not all of us have the opportunity to do this. Our background, the culture we live in or a chain of events beyond our control can prevent our potential development.

The will to learn and expand our knowledge is the basis of change. To be able to do this one needs to be what we call free. Yet, freedom is not a license to go out and do what one likes with no care or responsibility. It imposes on us an obligation to recognize the rights of others, and adjust our needs to blend in with those of the society we live in.

To assist couples in meeting the obligation of recognizing the rights of others, two tools are recommended by the authors. These are The Negotiation Tree and Cooperative Problem Solving; each one is explained in detail throughout the course of the book. If each is practiced diligently, a couple will find that they can indeed be free as individuals and still meet each other's needs.

Relationships need both partners to constantly strive to make it a success. To allow them to get flabby through lack of effort will only lead to apathy and disaster. We all need to be loved, cherished and respected. "How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free," shows the way to achieve a life long relationship that meets couples needs.

This is a book I cannot recommend highly enough. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A. indeed have created a masterpiece. All couples should read this book at least once during their lives. They can only enrich their lives by doing so.

4 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free, December 6, 2003

By 

W. THURSTON "Book Reviewer" (Melbourne, Australia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free: Third Edition (Paperback)

"How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free"

To many people this may seem to be an impossible dream. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A are two people who know that this is not the case. They have witnessed at first hand that couples within a relationship can indeed retain their freedom. A relationship that recognizes the needs of both parties, can only be good. It will allow couples to reap a richness in their existence, denied them as singles.

In today's world, we hear a lot said about the individual's right to freedom from our politicians. The concept of democracy is based on each individual's right to be free to do what they wish, that is within the law. This includes the freedom to express oneself in a healthy manner. Not all of us have the opportunity to do this. Our background, the culture we live in or a chain of events beyond our control can prevent our potential development.

The will to learn and expand our knowledge is the basis of change. To be able to do this one needs to be what we call free. Yet, freedom is not a license to go out and do what one likes with no care or responsibility. It imposes on us an obligation to recognize the rights of others, and adjust our needs to blend in with those of the society we live in.

To assist couples in meeting the obligation of recognizing the rights of others, two tools are recommended by the authors. These are The Negotiation Tree and Cooperative Problem Solving; each one is explained in detail throughout the course of the book. If each is practiced diligently, a couple will find that they can indeed be free as individuals and still meet each other's needs.

Relationships need both partners to constantly strive to make it a success. To allow them to get flabby through lack of effort will only lead to apathy and disaster. We all need to be loved, cherished and respected. "How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free," shows the way to achieve a life long relationship that meets couples needs.

This is a book I cannot recommend highly enough. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A. indeed have created a masterpiece. All couples should read this book at least once during their lives. They can only enrich their lives by doing so.

Review by Warren Thurston - Owner of Boggle Books
"The home of Quality eBook Reviews"
http://www.bogglebooks.com