Customer Reviews

How to Be a Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy

5 star:		(27)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book has some real pros and some real cons. The *majority* of the advice given is practical, no nonsense etiquette. For this reason I would heartily recommend this publication to a gentleman looking to improve upon such areas in his life. There are other books however that he should supplement his learning, in my opinion.

Now, having said that, there are some glaring problems w/ this book.

I.) The suggestion that a man should NEVER turn down an invitation is nuts. The author gave the reader the out in the event of illness or death in the family. Come on, there are times, for whatever reason, that you have to respectfully decline.

2.) Drink beer from a CAN!?! How did that slip in there? First, at a truly formal occasion you simply don't suck down the suds. At any other occasion it is more than acceptable, but how hard is it to put it in a glass? Drinking beer from a can in your living room by yourself (or w/ your wife) after a long hard week, sure that's fine, but elsewhere drink from a glass.

3.) There is one point that states simply, "If a gentleman can afford to do so, he should have someone else clean his home." Why? There is a fine line between snobbery and etiquette and this crossed it. If it said if the man and his wife are to busy to keep a house clean, then that would make a lot of practical sense. Otherwise, it's a waste.

4.) The other gives the reader full liberty to not wear socks in many occasions, but says w/o question he must wear a undershirt. Though I live in the North and always wear the two aforementioned articles, I could see why a gentleman from Dixie would not want to wear an undershirt during the summer. Socks are a must, IMHO.

5.) The quib about always bringing condoms was both out of place and inappropriate in my opinion. Such sexual matters are both personal and vary depending on a gentleman's religious background. It didn't belong in this book.

Good day.

This easy to read book makes manners a matter of preference. The educated man can make a decision to accept the authors guideline or not. I personally do not have much occasion to entertain large parties in my home - so I feel no need to have every piece of silverware known to man, but if I needed to help host a large party, I would be prepared. I like the chapter breakdown and the way subjects intertwine, allowing for fast referencing should the need occur. I consider myself a man pretty in tune with etiquette but this was a good shot in the arm. This book is great for those who might not know the basics or for one who might be very well mannered. This Christmas all my Brothers-in-Law and nephews are getting this book plus a stack of Thank you notes.

There is much in this book that is useful and entirely correct. Unfortunately, the good is drowned by the instances in which the author is just plain wrong and the instances in which the author mistakes his own personal preferences for requirements of gentlemanly behavior. What follows are some of the more egregious examples, but the list is by no means exhaustive:

1) Bridges claims that a gentleman always wears an undershirt. Although I always do, I understand that this is a matterof personal preference, not a question of etiquette.

2) Bridges claims (repeatedly) that a gentleman never declines an indication and always accepts the first invitation that is presented to him. This is the biggest bunch of baloney that I have ever heard of. While there are some invitations that one cannot turn down (to your brother's wedding, for example), one does not have to allow any person at any time to allocate one's time in order to be a gentleman. Miss Manners would not approve.

3) Bridges claims that a gentleman would not wear brown shoes to a wedding or a funeral, when, in fact, the correct pair of brown shoes is every bit as solemn and appropriate as black shoes. Alan Flusser would not approve.

4) Bridges believes that one must have every piece of stemware known to man in order to be a gentleman, but he does not believe that it is necessary to drink beer from anything but a can. Again, Miss Manners would not approve.

I really could go on and on, but the point is clear: Bridges simply doesn't know nearly as much as he thinks he does.

In this book, author John Bridges gives his advice on how to be a gentleman. For the most part, the book is built around a series of short homilies, each of which covers a subject such as: A Gentleman Attends a Wedding, How to Seat a Table, How to Leave a Tip, and much more. Connecting the homilies are a series of maxims that give advice in the form of: a gentleman does not..., a gentleman keeps..., etc.

While some of this book sounds out-of-date in the modern scene, containing as it does so much information on formal dining, it is a goldmine of advice for all social occasions. If you wish to polish your image, then I would recommend this book to you. It is short, and to the point, and very informative.

I grew up in typical middle-class America, where fine dinners and operas weren't a part of my everyday experience. My catholic school education instilled manners in me, but when I moved to a more cosmopolitan environment and became more social, I realized that "please/thank you" manners weren't enough. I was polite, but I lacked etiquette. Bridges' book took me a long way toward changing that.

Bridges showed me how awkwardly I made introductions and handled myself at the dinner table. Armed with his advice, I now introduce people more smoothly and facilitate an ice-breaker conversation (something I used to overlook). I now handle social dinners with grace and don't get flustered when I see my plate flanked by numerous specialized utensils, and I've noticed acknowledging glances from friends - especially female ones.

Thank you notes are another good tip. Since reading How To Be a Gentleman, I've started sending casual thank you notes via E-mail after a night out. I at first wondered if this would come across as stuffy, but these short "had a great time see you soon" notes have proven to be the perfect icing for friendships.

I especially liked Bridges' examples of what to say - and what not to say - in certain situations. We've all put our foot in our mouth and spoke without thinking first. Bridges offers good advice for avoiding these situations.

Bridges occasionally sounds starchy, such as when he says that "if the salad fork is in the wrong place [the gentleman] does not make a scene." This might sound condescending, but some people might get a little pretentious with their newfound gentleman's status. I thought it was appropriate for Bridges to throw in an occasional ego check along the way.

I've read a few other etiquette books and have noticed that 90% of the advice is the same throughout them all. Of the ones I've seen, Bridges does the best job of addressing his audience in a way that clearly makes his point, presenting advice in an easily digestible way. Sections are divided situationally ("A Gentleman Says the Right Thing," "When To Send Flowers," etc.), thus making specific advice accessible when one needs it. Illustrations of how to tie a bowtie and how to set a table are great additions.

I bought this book, then promptly returned it a few days later. If the information was worth the price, I most certainly would have kept it. As a few other reviewers have mentioned, 90% of the information is common sense. The other 10% is no real surprise either.
Unfortunatly, the majority of the book consists of 1 line advice. "A gentleman does this. A gentleman never does this" etc.

While the description says you will learn how to order a bottle of wine, it is glossed over quickly. It explains the theatre of wine presentation, but fails to give any simple recommendations regarding what types of wine are recommended for different foods and occasions.

Here's the advice from "A gentleman goes to the opera". Turn your cell phone ringer off and don't leave your seat. Oh, and don't applaud until you are sure a set is completed.

The author recommends not being the first to arrive at a party and not being more than 15 minutes late. In my opinion, a gentleman is never late, period.

In short, try to find a general etiquette book. I am sure that many who are attracted to a book of this type are interested in acting as a gentleman as to distinguish themselves for the opposite sex. Look elsewhere.

This is the sort of book interesting only to those people serious about self-perfection. The book offers easy and handy tips for how to behave as a gentleman -- and far from the typical GQ/Maxim/Men's Health ideal of manhood, this book aims to help the reader achieve refinement and dignity. "A gentleman," as the author puts it, "is someone who makes others feel comfortable." "His goal is to make life easier, not just for himself but for his friends, his acquaintances, and the world at large." Nothing in here about how to flatten your abs in three weeks, succumb to the latest fashion trend or technological fad, or get 'her' into bed. But neither is this book simply moralistic. Rather than ethics, it is concerned with manners and maintaining a decent, honest, and caring public persona.

I think it's unfortunate statement on our contemporary society that such a book needs to be read; but it is encouraging that people may read it.

I'm 17 years old and I really loved what this book had to say. I would recommend this book to any young man looking for way to make others more comfortable, for that is why a gentleman exists. :) It was an entertaining read, full of knowledge and common sense.

This small volume is packed with wisdom and insight. With humor and intelligence, Mr. Bridges gently instructs his readers in what is becoming a lost art. Other reviewers have commented that Mr. Bridges' book is not always correct. However, if it is not 100% on target, it is certainly above 95%, which represents an excellent effort.

One reviewer has provided a laundry list of things he considers to be personal preferences presented as rules. Unfortunately, this reviewer is, um, misinformed. For example, tradition holds that gentlemen should wear undershirts (they prevent the see-through syndrome and smooth the appearance of dress shirts), gentlemen do not hold off responding to an invitation in case something better turns up (which is what the author meant), and black is traditionally more formal than brown (always has been). I, too, could go on and on, but the curious reader can easily confirm Mr. Bridges' facts in other places if he is in doubt. And, to the reader who would relegate this book and its author to the 19th century, I say "Good Day". There is no need to debate with those who do not, cannot, and will not ever "see daylight", so to speak.

All in all, well worth whatever price one must pay. Highly recommended!

Years ago, in our grandparents days, etiquette was a basic life skill one learned, as important as learning to read and write. In today's society, we seem to be leaning away from proper etiquette skills, just as we have more automation and less personal customer service.

...Unfortunately, an enormous ever-growing number of people are not accustomed to fine dining or proper etiquette simply because they have never been exposed to either. As a business management person, and a women, a key characteristic that most impresses me, in addition to the ability to do the job, is etiquette and style. The same holds true for a both men and women; however, this particular book is geared towards male etiquette. It is an excellent resource book and one every man who wants to improve his image should have on his library shelf. You never know when you might need it. Even though the book is aimed at the male population, the book would also benefit women as well. For example, the rules of etiquette have changed over the years in recognizing gender equality so it is now socially acceptable for "the first person to arrive at the door to open it, regardless of gender." However, equality or not, many women still appreciate being treated as "ladies" and respect a man who does this for them. Unless, of course, you are such a die-hard feminist to the core that you have absolutely zero respect for men, in which case I would not blame a gentleman for letting the door slam flat against your nose if you emphatically grab the door first, just to make a point, as he graciously reaches to hold it open for you!

For men who would like to polish their etiquette skills, especially businessmen - I highly recommend this great little book. It is well written and the author obviously has class and style. Your future success could depend on how you conduct yourself in both your personal and business life. The only reason the book received a four star rating, rather than a five, was due not to the content, but the length of the book - it was far too short. There is a lot more useful information that could have been included to make the book complete.