Have you ever felt like society has given you a bum steer, bad rap, raw deal, and, in general, the short end of the stick? Do people not afford you the respect and adulation you so richly deserve? Well, what to do? Random acts of violence? Sure, that's fun for awhile, but it will probably end you up in the hoosegow with unfavorable new friends whose main pastime is putting the screwgee to the new meat. In 'How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!!' Neil Zawacki, with suitable illustrations provided by James Dignan, presents a very thorough, informative, and witty guidebook to evil villainy and all its' facets.
Chapter one gets you started by detailing the concept of evil, spelling out the benefits, and provides a helpful evil quiz to help determine if this path is for you. Also included is a guide for choosing a suitable evil name, help in defining your motives, and even aid in choosing your own, distinct evil laugh. I prefer the wail of the banshee, but to each his/her own. Chapter two deals with methods of mayhem, focusing on careers in evil. Mad scientist? Despot Dictator? Televangelist? Supreme ruler of the planet? It's all here. Also included is assistance in determining goals and objectives for whatever path you choose. In chapter three, we learn about the forces of good, examining the 'good mentality', hero types and their weaknesses, as it's important to know your enemy. When Captain Goody Two Shoes comes knocking, you'll be prepared to handle this clown in style. The fourth chapter details the tools of the trade, with an in-depth look into evil lairs, a henchman guide (winged monkeys or evil ninjas? So many choices), evil hardware (doomsday devices, secret death rays, matter transmuters, orbit mind control lasers, it's all here), and even a handy guide for evil fund raising as this stuff can be fairly costly. And, of course, there are fashion tips for the appropriate evil look and helpful advice for an evil makeover.
You've got the motive, the look, knowledge of your enemy, a suitable lair, lackeys, tools of the trade, and a proper evil name, but just how do you go from disgruntled fry cook to Evil Supreme Dictator of the Earth? That's where the last chapter comes in, providing detailed instructions for developing an evil plan, even including a handy evil plan generator. So I say, for those of you pouring over old episodes of the 60's camp classic Batman, trying to cull secrets and tips, rejoice! Our time is nigh! Bwahahhahahahaha! (one suggestion from one who knows, when choosing evil lackeys to do you're bidding, avoid winged monkeys as they cool for awhile but so dang messy! And winged monkey feed sure ain't cheap.)
Cookieman108