on September 21, 2005
This is a book with a lot of hype surrounding it. I finally gave in and bought it to see what the fuss is about. Now, I was reluctant because I've been heavily into the seduction community for a few years now, and so at this point I've kind of got the attitude that there's nothing new under the sun.
So, having said that, I already knew most of the material in the book. But it did offer a great refresher in a lot of areas. Now, you may wonder why then I gave it a full 5 stars. It's because I expect to know 95% of the material in any given dating, psychology, or sex guide I come across. It's the 5% that makes it worthwhile.
What I liked about this book was how straightforward it is and how complete it is. In fact, it's not an exaggeration to say that this is the ONLY dating book a guy needs. Now, this is not an ultra-advanced level book, as I just indicated. I would say it's for newbies and mid level guys. While I've been heavily into the game for a few years now and am pretty advanced myself (at least, I don't have trouble getting girls), there were a few valuable things I learned from this book that made it worth the cost.
For example, John's material on body language is VERY thorough and taught me a few new things. Also, while other books stop when you and the girl make love for the first time, John breaks some new ground in the seduction community with the guide to relationships he has in the final chapter.
There were also a few other nuggets in the book that I picked up, which will help me take my game to a higher level.
Another thing I should mention was how well-written this book is. Unlike most other seduction and dating books ebooks that are amateurish, I can tell that John Alexander, like Neil Strauss and Mike Pilinski, is an accomplished writer in his own right.
Overall, John's book deals mostly with inner game. Your success with women comes from having a solid mindset and self-confidence. Once you have your internals in order, you no longer need a long set of techniques.
My recommendation is as follows:
- If you've never had success with women before, buy the book. It's a MUST OWN. As I said, it covers everything. If you apply the knowledge you'll gain from this book, you'll definitely get laid.
- If you've had some success with women, this book will still help you. As I said, it is thorough.
- If you're a pick up artist or Don Juan, you'll already know 95% of the material in this book. But if increasing your knowledge by 5% is worth 50 bucks to you, then you'll get way more than your money's worth.
on July 28, 2006
Dating women is easy, I've learned and discovered thanks to this book, as long as you've got the confidence and alpha male mindset--plus if you know the basics of how to carry on a simple conversation and have good body language (such as not be hunched over with your eyes cast downward). This book helped me out so tremendously it's one of those few books that has had an absolutely profound impact on my life. I date the woman of my dreams right now. The sex with her is great, and it's a relationship on MY terms, so it's not like in the past where I was the beta puppydog always jumping to serve her. We will get married. And I owe it all to this book, but more of course to myself for following the advice this book gave me.
I used to be a complete loser, and I decided to get How to Become an Alpha Male and do what it says. Based on reviews I'd seen of it here and elsewhere it appeared to be one of those hidden gems. And those reviews were right.
A lot of books require a lot of hard work. I never wanted to be any sort of big player mackdaddy, I just wanted to meet a wonderful woman and date her and love her (and have her love me). Which I have now thanks to this book. How to Become an Alpha Male distills everything down to the basics. It begins by explaining about female psychology, exploding a lot of myths like that you need to be a jerk, or that you need to spend a lot of money on women, or that women don't like sex as much as men do. (In fact, as this book explains, and as I've later found out thru experience, women love sex just like we men do!)
The book goes on to explain how to read a woman's non-verbal signals, and then step by step how to have your own good non-verbal signals that are those of an attractive alpha male.
It then talks about how to build your self-confidence using affirmations and self hynosis. I've been doing them like mad and they work. Today I'm a much happier person and confident, and, importantly, that confidence comes from within. Even if I didn't have my wonderful girlfriend today, I'd still be every bit as content. Though I love her, I don't NEED her, as this book has taught me.
And that's the great thing about this--it's not just for getting women, but for your life in general.
John Alexander then explains the easy way of how to talk to women, what to say, and topics to talk about. I used to be shy but everything in here is very doable. Also the book explains how to have sex with a woman on the very first date. And Alexader's right that the best way to get a woman into a relationship with you is to have sex with her right away, not to wait. Alexander also has some chapters that are tremendous on how to expand your social circle (since most people meet through their network of friends rather than cold approaching) and on maintaining a relationship so that the passion grows with time and the two of you never argue or have any drama.
I'd give this book 500 stars if I could, but Amazon limits it to 5.
on June 25, 2006
Throughout reading ebooks on this subject and meeting people who are interested in the area of attracting and dating women, i have come to an understanding that most of what you read out there is aimed at those people who have next to no social skills, and are therefore not neccessary for the average guy.
Then i find this book. I notice several things that screwed up my chances before, such as destroying her attraction by being needy and being a friend too much. This led me to some success but of late i have come to the realisation that most of these Pick Up Gurus out there aim their books and material at people who appear to have no social skills at all. Let me elaborate:
Being in my situation was not like being in the situation of a unsociable recluse (as i am a sociable and decent looking guy, with many friends it was just that girls scared the hell out of me!).
Yet their marketing made me feel like i was much lower on the social scale than i ever was. I was just too scared of rejection in the end, but after reading all their material it made me feel i was lost with all these comments about these......rules apply always and you must always ......!! It put me to the point where i felt at times like an unsocial geek! I was so confused but then i read 'HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE' again and saw how attracting and dating women is not the rocket science they make it out to be , and for me this was more useful because i just needed to fill some holes in my personality when dealing with women. The others make it out like your on death row and you must get through 1000s of approaches before you ever get anywhere in attracting women!!! I mean come on now!!! Apparently if you dont do it then your not a man! HA
I truly wish i had just read this book and worked purely from that. But i got addicted to the information everyone was claiming to have.
In summarizing: A superb book - Great for anyone, especially guys who realise that attracting and dating women should be enjoyable and not a matter of 'suck-it-up' type pain. When you already have social skills, just bring out the AlPHA in you and all will be well. This book teaches you just that!
on September 3, 2007
I won't write a long detailed review like some of the better reviewers here. All I can say is that I was the furthest thing from an alpha male. But this book changed that for me by giving me the tools to be an alpha male. Naturally, for it to work you need to apply the things the book teaches, but if you do, then your life will change. There are a lot of expensive products, DVD's, CD's and other things that people are selling out there, but this book really covers everything you need to know. And the main thing it teaches is how to be a real man. I believe that if I had this book earlier I could have saved my marriage. I'm just a beginner in this kind of material, but I've read a few things out there. If you're trying to find one book to get started, I think this one is the best, at least that I've come across. I'm really looking for a book from John about alpha male relationships and marriage. He covers it a little in his book, but men everywhere really need a manual to undo all the terrible social programming. The funny thing is that it makes women happier.
on July 17, 2011
First of all,while other books and pick up artists more or less teach you to make up stories about yourself to get women interested,John Alexander teaches you to BECOME instead of making it up.He encourages you to make your own life exciting and happy,so that you will naturally have great stuff to talk about with women.I like his book because he is realistic in his approach.
In fact,he does not recommend one tries scripted routines unless one can deliver it well.The Alpha male is one who makes himself happy,who has things going on in his life.That is what I have gathered so far.I tried one of his suggestions for an opener and it had the girl talking back to me .I was like WOW!.lol
Guys,buy the book and study it.Women out there ARE sociable and friendly and willing to talk with you. You only need to break the ice and let it flow.
The book is also about building up your self esteem,which comes back to having stuff in your life to keep you engaged. Do not for a second think there is some fantastic line that will make a girl like you instantly. But as the book shows, by improving yourself,instead of just being yourself,you stand a better chance,though it is not guaranteed.
John teaches that women must only be a source of fun in your life,and not your priority in life. I also recommend SoSuave.com for further info.
He teaches you how to get in shape if you are slave to fitness and about how to look good.He also gives general advice on building a social circle.
Imo,all the stuff written by dating guides are really opinions from different perspectives and all these guys are competing for a final answer on how to make love possible. But this will always exist because each woman is different and challenges a guy in a different way.John is the first I have come across who does not tell you to fake anything or pretend to be who you are not.I love that about him.This book in essence is about inner game,or in one word-CONFIDENCE. If one girl dont like you,whatever,move on to someone else.
Some dating coaches tell you to have an opener plus a few stories to tell which women find interesting,and they give you made up stuff.The problem is that during the course of your date,you will eventually run out of "lines" to say and she is gonna see the real you.So John gives the answer ,for you to live an exciting life yourself so you will have stories to tell.No faking,no gimmicks,no tricks.
Again he is real,and that is the best part about his book
So,all I can say is do not look for a magic formula in the book that will seduce any woman,you won't get that. The book is about attitude towards yourself,the woman of your choice,and self confidence.
Buy it,and read it. It's well worth your time guys.
on May 16, 2012
Once upon a time I was a nice guy, and it brought me a dozen failed relationships and LOTS of dry spells. So I decided to figure out why. This book, along with several similar ones, completely changed my world. I finally found my my soul mate, we recently got engaged, and for the first time in my life, I KNOW I will be happily married forever.
All it took was a new personality.
It takes a while to truly understand what an alpha male actually is, and perhaps more important, what it is not. It has nothing to do with being a jerk. It's not being bossy or controlling. It doesn't mean you always get your way. (However, one side benefit is that you get all the sex you want.)
Here's my definition: an alpha male is a man who is engaged in life. He lives his day-to-day life actively and purposefully. He takes the effort to decide what he wants to do, and he proposes that plan to his woman. Amazingly, if you have found the right woman, she will go along enthusiastically and fall deeper in love each time.
Here's a sample conversation between a "nice guy" and his woman. Notice that the woman has to initiate the conversation:
Woman: What do you want to do for lunch?
Nice guy: Anything you want to do is fine with me.
The nice guy thinks he's winning brownie points by letting her decide, but the woman is irritated because he obviously doesn't care about her. He will not get laid tonight.
Here's a sample conversation between an alpha male and his woman.
Alpha male: We should grab some lunch. I've been thinking about tacos all morning. Do you want to go to Los Favoritas?
Woman: Sure, that sounds great!
The alpha male just scored huge points for being engaged in life. Now he owns her. She is his play toy for the rest of the day. Seriously!
Being an alpha male is not easy. You constantly have to be thinking and planning ahead. It can be exhausting, and you CANNOT take a break. You need a plan for dinner (what restaurant, or what she should cook), exercise, evening entertainment (even if it's just snuggling on the couch and watching the TV show you pick), the weekend, vacations, and so on.
You MUST consider her needs, limitations, wants, likes, and dislikes in every decision. If she hates Mexican food, you might need to find a restaurant that has good Mexican dishes for you and good American food for her. You must choose something that makes you both happy. If you hate it, you've reverted to a nice guy. If she hates it, you've become a jerk. So you not only have to make all the decisions, you have to make them correctly.
And there are other things. You have to take care of her. You drive. You hold the door. You hold the tickets. You make sure she's warm enough. If she loses her keys, you help her find them. She is your responsibility. See the book for more details.
It's a lot of work, but it's totally worth it because she is always happy and will do practically anything to make you happy.
on October 13, 2006
When I was younger, I was more or less naturally good with women, and reading this book re-taught me everything I had forgotten about how to succeed with women. Sure there are tactics and techniques, but what it all comes down to is being the man (or being the alpha male).
The mistake 90% of guys make is assuming it's their job to somehow trick a woman into liking them. After all, they can't be worthy of such a hot woman, so you must do everything to impress her. In fact though, the opposite is true. A man with confidence, who's got an active, interesting life and is a leader will attract women like a magnet attracts metal.
I disagree strongly with the other reviewer "Robert R." who said that women will do anything to avoid sex. That has certainly not been my experience (especially lately, since I used what I learned in this book), but also it's been shown in scientific research that women feel orgasms just as intensely as (and maybe even more intensely than) men do.
Speaking of scientific research, I should mention that "How to Become an Alpha Male" is groundbreaking in the sense that it applies psychological behavior theory to the practice of dating women, which is something that I've never seen before. Behavior theory is what positive animal trainers teach, i.e., that an animal will increase behaviors which are rewarded and decrease those which are punished. (So you give a dog a treat when it behaves, and then it will behave more often.)
John Alexander applies this toward dating. You reward behaviors from girls which you approve of, and you'll get more of that good behavior. (For example, if a woman cooks you dinner, you reward her by being nice to her and romantic with her. Ergo, she'll cook you dinners more often.) Similarly, you punish bad behavior and you'll get less of that. So if a woman says "no sex tonight" then you punish her by leaving her house. So many guys mess this up, as Alexander points out, by rewarding that bad behavior. (For example, the woman denies the guy sex, yet he still cuddles with her all night.)
Anyway, it works brilliantly (you need to do it the way the book describes it though, which is better than I ever could). I am a very happy man, currently in a relationship again, with a beautiful woman I wouldn't ever have met but for this book.
Get this amazing book, devour it, and use what you learn. It'll change your life as it has mine.
on November 27, 2010
I got so much out of this book that I'm actually bothering to write a review. After reading the negative reviews of this book, it is obvious to me that these people did not read the book.
This book does not give you routines or jokes or other attention grabbing gimmicks to attract women. In fact, a large portion of the book isn't even about women. It's about YOU. The author helps the reader identify and challenge negative thoughts and behavior. He then goes on to give you some tools on how to become a more positive and happy person. Attracting women is just one of the many benefits of becoming a more confident and engaging person.
I've read some pick up books by other authors and they are all "externally" focused. What I mean is that the material in those books teach you how to "perform" for an audience and demonstrate attractive qualities. But what happens after you get the number? Or, when you get her home? Are you going to keep performing? Performing is exhausting! You just want to be yourself and be liked for being yourself. This book is about being your BEST self. Most of the changes he asks you to make are reasonable and modest: work out, take care of yourself, dress well. But the big thing he wants you to do is to be able to reframe your thoughts. This kind of positive thinking and positive visualization has been covered for decades in hundreds of books by authors from Napoleon Hill to Tony Robbins...and it works! I agree with some of the criticism of this book that the author doesn't really cover new ground in that respect. However, that doesn't detract from the power of the material. If you're a guy who is good with women now, this book is probably not for you. But, if you're a "nice guy" who wants to have more options and choices when dating, this book will benefit you.
In one respect, the author does cover some new ground. (At least for me, anyway.) As I mentioned before, what do you do when you get the number? What do you do when you get her alone? What do you do when you get her back to your place? He spells it all out in detail. It comes across as very practical advice from that cool uncle of yours who has been out in the dating trenches and made all the mistakes so you don't have to. It doesn't hurt to have a good idea of how a seduction plays out. Being prepared makes you relaxed and confident and confidence is sexy. Women are always making fun of guys who can't seduce. How refreshing would it be for her to be with a man who knows how to take charge and make her feel comfortable and sexy so she can be her natural, feminine self?
In conclusion, this is a very solid book on Inner Game that also has lots of practical pointers on how to be more suave.
on January 11, 2007
This book has the feel of an oversized book report, in that it seems the author, an obvious non-writer, researched all the info he could on the subject and crammed it into a book. Nothing original here, just ALOT of material from other sources in one guide.
Definitely overpriced, considering that:
The poorly-designed cover looks homemade, and has a "copied" or laser-printer look to it.
The "author" puts a space after EVERY SENTENCE, doubling the size of the book (in an attempt to make it longer, or just a result of his lack of writing experience).
Numerous spelling and grammar errors.
Lack of any flow or "entertainment" value...this makes it hard to read more than a few pages at a time, unlike The Game or The Complete A**hole's Guide To Handling Chicks (in the author's defense, those 2 books are almost PURELY for entertainment value and contain very little actual info).
Most of the material is taken from other sources...in some cases, paragraphs are copied verbatim from Gary Brodsky's CDs and books. I see another reviewer recognized some material from a web site as well.
Having said all that, there is alot of good info here, especially if you haven't purchased anything of this type yet. It's kind of a "Greatest Hits" of dating advice, if you will. Further, it has practical info that will actually work in the long run...as compared to Style/Mystery/Ross Jeffries (gimmicky manipulation trick)types who, despite all their best efforts, can't even keep a girlfriend.
In conclusion: get this book, but get it used or borrow it from a friend, as it's $50 sticker is about $30 more than it's worth.
on August 5, 2014
I began reading this book several months ago, only to stop because I could not accept a truth the author revealed. The truth is that women are not perfect little angels, as we're socialized to believe. I wasn't able to accept that women CAN and WILL seek her pleasures just as men will. "Can I get an Amen?" - Or more appropriately, "Welcome to the real world?"
I began reading this book and could not stop because the advice this brilliant author dispenses is golden. Some of this advice could be declared a no-brainer. But if a given piece of advice is common sense then why wasn't I following it? This book provided the answers to that very question. Therefore, do not be discouraged by what seems to be familiar and "common sense" and focus on the information that explains WHY you've not practiced this advice.
Here's an example: Your checking account frowns after a few dates and you've no good "memories" to justify it. Deep down you know you're a sucker, yet you continue to overspend. Common sense would dictate that you cease this behavior but you continue because it's approval that you seek. That last sentence tells you EXACTLY where the problem resides. And it's these kinds of revelations that make this book indispensable to men who ponder about where he's going wrong.
At the risk of making this title sound like just another "self-help" recording, it advises men to build value in about them and to be authentic. There are no cheesy pick-up lines to memorize. The book is packed with information that most of us are not aware of as well. An example of such information is how to compliment a woman and have her know she's truly won YOUR approval, and not the other way around! We totally muck this up, fellas.
Oh and one more thing, a superb complement to this book is the title: "The Rationale Male" by Rollo Tomassi. But be warned, you will have your socialization "hard drive" wiped clean. I cursed Rollo's name for revealing the truth about women. It was his book that led me to purchase this one which is why I could not read at this one for a brief period. Mr. Alexander's book teaches us how to be more successful with women as I described above. But Rollo Tomassi's book: "The Rational Male" goes into great detail on women and society which corroborates the advice in this book.
Where ever you are tonight Mr. Alexander, I offer a handshake and hearty "thank you" for a frank and well- written book.