Customer Reviews

How to Behave: A Guide to Modern Manners for the Socially Challenged

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

If the "Worst-Case Scenario" authors ever wrote a guide to modern etiquette, it would probably turn out a lot like this. Each subject area, from "sharing armrest space on a plane" to "puking in a taxi" contains a two-part "how to" section: 1) Confronting the person to lecture them about their error and 2) Good methods for getting revenge.

Did someone steal your airplane armrest? No problem. Whack their headrest and perform deft elbow jabs to knock their elbow off the armrest. Ha HA!

If you're an etiquette junkie looking for a useful guide on modern manners, you will find this horrifying. Avoid. If you want to read something more along the lines of "etiquette satire as entertainment," and indulge all your fantasies about what you secretly wish you could do to people who have offended you, then this is a total riot.

Finally, etiquette for real people! I was sort of taken aback when a friend gave me this book as a gift -- manners? Me? But besides the fact that Tiger is totally practical, she's funny as hell. (Her advice on how to get a fellow airplane passenger to turn down his Walkman is laugh-out-loud.) This book also has a nice sense of nuance; the idea of "personal space" comes into it a lot, whether Tiger is dealing with elevator rules or cheaters in the express line at the grocery store. Her tips on gym behavior, a.k.a. "Sweatiquette," answered questions I've always wanted to ask somebody. The more I read, the more I realized -- this is really about maintaining civilization as we know it. I'm no longer irked that my friend thought I needed this book. She was right -- I did. You do, too.

If you have a sense of humor, you'll have a good laugh with this book, and pick up many useful tips along the way. Dealing with everything from commuter protocol to e-mail etiquette, this guide covers situations that most manners books miss. The section on gym etiquette should be required reading for certain gym users I've come across. Lastly, using a little common sense will easily allow you to tell which suggestions have been made in jest.

This book isn't about manners or courtesy. It's about getting revenge on everyone in the world when you are unable, for some reason, to achieve perfect personal comfort. If it's meant to be satire, it fails. I am afraid that too many people will take this book seriously, and think that they have the right to start lecturing anyone who sneezes near them on the subway. It's a horrible book, written by a woman that I wouldn't want to have anything to do with, ever. Her interpretation of "modern manners" is disgusting.

Ok first off, I give it top marks for a witty biting commentary on modern situations requiring some rules for good conduct.

But I really can't call it a manners book. Here is why.

Even though it is full of good advice on how to manage so that you don't cause offence in the first place

---it is JAMMED with retaliatory fun stuff that is GREAT to think about and laugh over.

BUT in this day and age of road rage and psycho nutbars losing it in public I don't think some of the advice in there is safe let alone mannerly.

One of the principles of living a gracious and stress reduced life is not letting people get to you in the first place.

You don't provoke, and when provoked you don't choose to respond in a way that will escalate.

It isn't your business to educate strangers about their manners and insist on your standards at the expense of losing your cool or your dignity.

(one of the hilarious examples, --getting up and dancing to the beat of someones loud music on an airplane ----just might get you in more trouble than the "offender" not to mention looking really foolish in front of the whole plane full of passengers and airline attendants!)

Yes, by all means communicate your personal boundaries, but if the person is hell bent on causing offence, remove yourself, don't escalate it.

If in the airline incident, you obviously can't remove yourself and the steward can't or won't deal with the loud music, put your earplugs in, be patient, and take it as part of modern life and DON'T let it ruin your day.

The problem with some of her responses (and I do love them in theory as humour) is that

----if you do go on the offensive when "attacked" or provoked, you risk escalating things.

Remember that the person who is acting out, may be acting out just because they ARE an aggressive nutbar who doesn't give a rip how they are coming across, and may not give a rip about getting physical with you. In fact you just may be the fight they were looking for.

----and at the end of the day, who really cares who got the seat or the arm rest or the cab as long as you got home in one piece.

If you got shoved a little, jostle back mildly definitely but if it's looking like this could escalate or the person is a bit odd, remove yourself from the situation rather than be dead right.

Manners advice needs to help people defuse the situation mentally so that their response is calculated to get out smoothly in one piece without losing their own temper, without taking things out on others, or escalating a conflict.

That is essentially what this book teaches. If you were socially challenged before you read this book and actually inclined to follow the instructions, you'll soon wonder why random strangers and old friends alike seem to hate you. This book details perfect examples of most, if not all, unpleasant encounters I've observed with what I considered to be extremely rude individuals. However, that appears to be its rather well masked intention.

The advice on when and how to retaliate is among the items that distracts from the solid tips in much of the book. Are you really supposed to get back at another airplane passenger? Are you really better off blocking someone in traffic? Do you really want to confront the person with a few extra items in the express line (yes, I know I feel like doing it)? Do you actually tell the clerk who spritzed you with perfume that you are "enraged and disgusted"? Perhaps the author was trying satire or humor. If so, the attempts all failed. She isn't as clever as Miss Manners, and too most of the mainstream content is played straight up.

OK, with the complaints aside, Ms. Tiger is very sound on the basics. In proposing how to deal with rude behavior (pre-escalation), she reminds us not to do those things ourselves, which is the corollary of how to respond. In America, be well aware of personal space. Use your cell phone quietly and with awareness of others. Don't leave the copier without paper. How to pick up on clues that your co-workers don't feel like chatting. Keep the office kitchen and fridge clean. Don't use insipid signatures and greetings in your e-mails. Watch the personal calls. Be polite getting in and out of elevators. No checking out people at the gym. How to split the check or pick up the tab. And so on.

The book is an easy read, with 200-ish small pages without a lot of type. You'll finish quickly, unless you pause to contemplate the advice or remember relevant situations from your own life.

I have often felt as though I've lived in the shadow of Emily Post's tomb of archaic etiqette. Tiger has distilled the harder-edged modern world with this easy to reference book on safely and politely interacting --today.

Not only are the realistic, often humorous situations a useful guide, but the book is filled with offbeat tips that will make you the life of more than one coctail party.

Some of these things should be obvious, yet, I've got five clever friends on my list to send it to!

I loved this book!!! Caroline Tiger gives advice on everything from answering office email to how to deal with a loud eater at the movies. I especially liked the section on love, sex and dating where she gives advice on what to wear on a first date, what to order and what to do if your date is ex-obsessed. Also, I enjoyed reading her suggestions for retaliation when someone's actions are extremely annoying. This book is humorous, engaging and informative - a rare combination. It would make a great gift for recent grads, birthdays, etc. Go out and buy this book for all of your friends and family!!!

Honestly, I have often worried about the dilemnas referred to in this book. Finally, someone has provided an end to my woes.

I recommend this for anyone who has a conscience. Many topics reveal (and quite humorously) the answers to some of life's most uncomfortable moments: how to avoid overtalkative office workers (and a helpful voodoo remedy for extreme cases); quieting people who talk during movies; and cell-phone etiquette are just a few examples.

This is a fun and helpful book. Good for just about any kind of gift. Or keep it for yourself. I did.