Customer Reviews

How to Behave So Your Children Will Too!

5 star:		(26)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

The author points out that we mostly learn our parenting styles from our own parents. Since almost everyone is critical of some things that their own parents did, that can leave you without a lot of role models. Ah, but this book can more than fill the breach.

Basically, any relationship is improved by first improving yourself. As the author points out, if you provide a bad example to your child, you can expect your child to copy you. If you allow harmful influences into your child's life, those will be copied too in many cases.

The good news is that children will normally only misbehave about 5-10 percent of the time, unless we train them to do so more often as the primary way to get attention, rewards, and satisfaction. If you are having more trouble than that, this book will definitely help you.

There's a wonderful self-help quiz to assess whether or not you need this book. Here are my two favorite questions: "Does your baby sitter give you a discount for coming home early?" "Do your children spend hours in front of the TV and only minutes doing homework?"

The reference to B.F. Skinner is an allusion to his behavioral modification theories, which he applied to one of his own children by keeping the child in a box, and using the kind of training that you use with pets. This book puts that inappropriate method out of the way by seeking thinking cooperation from, not control, of the child.

The author has 25 years of experience as a school psychiatrist dealing with "behavior-disabled children." He's seen it all. I liked his stories though about his own family best, starting with the one about his 3 year old relieving himself in the refrigerator after the new baby came home. Sibling rivalry strikes again!

The book has special chapters for dealing with all of the toughest problems: children who misbehave deliberately all the time; ADD; violent children; when and whether to spank; changing the rules that don't work; and overcoming your own bad habits of losing your temper.

To start the book, you are asked to be open to new ideas, to manage your own anger, to learn to prevent arguments and power struggles, to be patient, consistent, and positive. That's all good advice, but I think the patient is the best. Children don't usually move as quickly or as directly as parents like. With a little patience and encouragement, however, they will usually get where they need to go. Most parents take their children's behavior too personally, as though it is a physical demerit or punishment aimed at the parent. Lighten up!

The only area where I disagreed with the book's advice (after the experience of 4 children) is in turning everything possible into a potential reward or a punishment. I think you can get the results you want without going that far. That approach just encourages kids to be overly sensitive to looking for carrots and sticks in adult life. Life isn't that simple or fair.

I was especially impressed with the advice for how to help children develop the ability to make good decisions, and gradually increase the scope of their decisions as they become better at it. That's the way to help your children, while keeping some peace in the process.

If you think you are very good with your children and get the results you want, then you probably don't need this book. If you aren't happy with how things are going, this book can really help you. It's essentially Relationship Rescue for parents and children.

Overcome your misconceptions about how to be a good parent and live happily ever after!

Enjoy your children at the same time!... END

I bought this book hoping for some insight on dealing with our three year old and her normal "three year old misbehavior".

I really enjoyed the first couple of chapters and I definitely support the idea that parents should "be" what they want their children to "become". I liked his admonition to focus on the positive behavior and not the negative. I also gleaned some other good advice here and there throughout the book.

However, once I got into the book, it became obvious that his "method" is based heavily on an elaborate bribery system [including numerous detailed tables of rewards for different age groups]. There is actually a chapter called "Never Give Away The Ice Cream" in which the author chastizes a family for taking their children out for ice cream. He says that *nothing* should ever be given to children unless it is tied to their behavior as an award. Forget unconditional love; quality family time for the sake of family time; or teaching children to do the right thing BECAUSE it is the right thing - this method is a sure fire way to teach your kids that nothing is worth doing unless they are being PAID to do it.

In my opinion, following the advice in this book is a great way to raise superficial, materialistic, self-serving brats who are guided not by their conscience, but by an external reward system.

The thought that kept occurring to me as I read this book was "I'm glad I wasn't raised in that kind of bootcamp." Some of the advice is good -- focus on good behavior, provide guidelines, be consistent. But good behavior is the only focus, with no attention paid to understanding, communication, or improving relationships. The assumption is that children misbehave only because they lack motivation. (There are many other reasons.) He advises escalating punishment until the child cracks -- to the point of holding a door shut on a child in time-out while he screams. (I hope nobody takes that advice.) I also feel that the constant stickers and charts are demeaning and communicate a lack of confidence in the child. Dr. Severe even advocates withholding special treats and outings unless they're a reward for good behavior -- which I think may make a child feel that the parent loves the behavior, not the child. This advice may improve the child's behavior -- but at what cost? If you have a "difficult" child, try "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, for a more understanding approach.

I own lots of books for parents and this one covers information I've seen everywhere else. It does have some good ideas, but there are also some rigid suggestions that made me uncomfortable. The author's been on Oprah, so I think the book has gotten more press than it deserves.

Also recommended: Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions are Really Telling Our Children -- Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading -- Positive Discipline for Teenagers -- The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children

In all honesty before I got this book I was a depressed and irritable parent. I did not look forward to waking up in the morning and did not enjoy being a mother.

I bought this book 5 days ago and I read it in 2 days. I am please to announce that I have not raised my voice or yelled at my two children (1 preschooler, 1 toddler) since I read this book! I have already started implementing the techniques that Severe talks of and they WORK. They work because my dedicated determination of following the book to the exact letter. I am determined to have a positive climate family and it is working because my tone of voice is mature and happy. When I discipline I speak in direct tone and not yelling at all. I don't get angry anymore! My kids are LISTENING and they are SHARING and they are NOT fighting! They are being sweet adorable little boys now and I have Sal Severe to thank for it.

What a wonderful book! I think hospitals should give this book out when you are discharged with your first born for the first time!

Simply NEEDED for EVERY family! What a difference! I LOVE BEING a MOMMY NOW! :) :) :)

A book that will answer your most nagging questions about childrearing in areas of motivation where they are most needed. The author is incredibly direct and clear in his explanations and theories, and they apply equally well to preschoolers and teens, although the sooner the better. What makes these techniqus so easy to implement is the consistency and straightforward logic behind them, such as appropriate feedback for appropriate action. It takes away the need for so much subjective secondguessing as to whether you were appropriate or not. A book for anyone with kids, but especially if you are looking for a rational approach to childrearing without all the wimpy PC attitudes.

Great thing about the book is that it emphasizes the importance of finding and appraising postive attitude to counter the negative ones. That idea seems common, however the author describe how to use it wonderfully that will benefit in long term.

However, I really disagree about several thing:

1. How the author keep making an impression that children keep manipulating parent. You'll feel suspicious in every child's act, you'll try to interpret and think negatively. As if they are an enemy that ready to manipulate you at any time.

2. In many occasions, the author emphasizes to ignore negative expression of a child. We have to realise that those feelings can be a true feelings from these children.

3. The punishment part of this book perhaps can dicipline the children in short term, but it needs more prove about its efectiveness in the child development in long term.

Overall, it is a very good book, with a lot of great ideas. But, be selective. There are some ideas that surely works in short term and long term (in the child development), but there are other that I doubt will bring good impact in long term (in emotional relation between you and your children). Again, enjoy the book, and be selective picking the ideas you'll learn in this book.

I just wan't to state, that I totally agree with the review of the mother of six. I love the other two books, that you recommend and have the same reservations about the book as you. What is all this with charts and points and grading your children at home. How would you like it, if your boss made a chart where you work, in wich it said everything you had to do, so everybody could see it, and put stars when you succeeded and sour faces when you didn't? It is really controlling the child in a very unpleasent way. The children should be given the choice to work out their own problems with your help if required and not having to respond to a chart, that at the end of the week will give them 30 minutes more tv-time. With the tecniques of the others authors, you can actually come to a point, where you enjoy staying with your children and don't have to judge and giving them "votes" all the time for their behaviour on a chart. I can also reccomend "Siblings without rivalry" especially if you have more than one child (also by Faber and Mazlish) and P.E.T. by Dr. T. Gordon. You will be doing yourself a favour to spend your money on these books and forget all about this one, if you want to create a cooperative and selfconfident child in an atmosfere of acceptance and trust.

I originally bought this book because of the problems I see my brother and sister-in-law having with my 4-year-old nephew. It was as if Dr. Severe was a guest in their home for a few hours and wrote this book specifically for them! Uncanny! Luckily, my sister-in-law has purchased a copy of it and is actually reading it!

But I also found the book VERY helpful for myself and my husband...and we're not even parents yet! Reading Dr. Severe's theory of discipline as a way to teach good decision making gave me a sense of confidence...that by preparing for misbehavior before it even happens, I'll be better equipped to handle it when it does. Most of all, it provided an opportunity for my husband and I to really talk about how we want to handle our children (and ourselves!) in the future...luckily, we are on the same page. The book brought to the forefront not only how absolutely NECESSARY it is for parents to be consistent WITH their children, but how vitally important it is for parents to be consistent BETWEEN themselves. Divide and conquer seems to be a running theme with children (at least it is with my nephew). Now we know that working together will only make things easier...for all of us.

I normally don't like self help books, but I purchased this after my sister-in-law recommended it to me. I was pleasently suprised to find this book offers down to earth, realistic advice. I was suprised to find out that most parents only spend 7 minutes of quality time with their children a week. Yes, a WEEK. Catch your children being good and let them know it is the message of this book. It also offers some good examples of what to do if your child is behaving in certain ways. It covers childhood from begining until the very turbulent teenage years. My son is a very active 2 1/2 year old and I have been using Mr. Severe's advice for about 2 weeks and have already seen improvement. I intend on reading this book several more times in the years to come. Thanks Sal!