Customer Reviews

How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, Too!

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(0)
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So many discipline and child-rearing books fall into one of two camps: either squishy "Don't say no! Never thwart the little darlings!" guides to ineffective parenting (I found the Positive Discipline series to exemplify this -- yeah, I'll have a "family discussion" with my preschooler so she can come up with ideas on how to go to bed on time) or "children are your enemies and if you don't stomp them hard they'll grow up to be serial killers" reactionary tomes (John Rosemond is one of the MILDER advocates of this school). "How to Behave," on the other hand, is just right -- neither too hard nor too soft. Severe (love that name!) acknowledges that children sometimes need to be punished so that they can learn the boundaries of acceptable behavior; but he's eager to help you become your child's ally and tutor in learning right from wrong, not a fierce taskmaster or bully.

This book is packed with useful and specific advice -- what techniques work well for very young children, how to make offering choices work for your child, how to use time-out (and how not to), and on and on. Severe is especially good at explicating WHY small children do those exasperating things, and in drawing the line between mischief and misbehavior. There's nothing here that sounds unworkable or silly, and nothing that seems cruel, unlike some childrearing books. The writing is not terribly exciting, but competent and sensible, and the book is short, sweet, and well-indexed, so you can find the advice you need. Most of it should be more or less common sense, but when you're at the end of your resources Severe is there to help.

I was resorting to yelling louder, criticising more frequently, and searching for stricter punishments...trying rather desperately to get my 4 and 7 year old sons to behave better. It simply wasn't working. I asked myself one day...when I was still half sane...Why in the world was I continuing to do what isn't working? And, I was intrigued by this title that implied I had to change first...so I bought the book. With the help of Severe's advice, I finally realized that I was going to have to change my approach in the manner I was chosing to speak to my children, before they were going to change their behavior. This book along with another practical book called "The Pocket Parent" helped us get more cooperation from our kids as well as change the entire atmosphere of our home...now much less yelling defiance and negative "attitude". Both books suggest the exact words to try in challenging situations that a normal preschooler often presents his parents with. I also appreciate that the authors of both books include funny personal annecdotes about their own children to illustrate the stategies. So you never feel you are being talked down to by an expert with an assortment of "holier than thou" do's and dont's. I find it comforting that these authors (moms and a dad) have been angered, frustrated and embarrassed by their own children, too. Both of these books are set up for busy parents to read just a particular section of the book as they need it. Each chapter stands alone and neither book has to be read cover to cover in any order. I really appreciate that feature. I found the material in Severe's book very reader friendly, with a pleasant tone and easy to understand information. His book is divided into topics in 3 main sections that explain Developmental Factors, Better Behavior Principles and How to Apply the Behavior Principles. "The Pocket Parent" is set up differently as an A-Z compendium of about 40 behaviors such as Anger, Bad Words, Biting, Bedtime, Mealtime, Morning Crazies, Lying, Sibling Rivalry, Separation Anxiety and Whining. I do like the format of "The Pocket Parent" better. However, I like the advice in both books equally. The books are very compatible and are chock full of comassion, humor and hundreds of ideas to try with preschoolers. Severe's book says it is for 3-6 year olds and "The Pocket Parent" is for 2-5 year olds. I think the suggestions in both books work on children 2-10 and even older. I highly recommend both of these guidebooks to keep handy for easy reference and support on one of those really bad days with the kids when you could really use a verbal hug and a couple of practical specific suggestions.

'Discipline without Shouting or Spanking', 'How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, too!' and 'Positive Discipline for Preschoolers' are three different books with almost identical messages. All believe that shouting and spanking are counterproductive and that successful discipline requires a parent or caregiver to calmly teach and reinforce the rules of good behavior.
'How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, too!' and 'Positive Discipline for Preschoolers' are both 300 plus page books and are arranged similarly. They begin by explaining what is typical preschooler behavior and what developmental factors are at play during this stage. This information encourages parents to make a paradigm shift and see "bad" behavior as developmentally appropriate behavior that needs the gentle hand of an adult to help channel it. They then follow with in depth discussions of good discipline strategies and how they differ from our natural knee-jerk responses. Both books end with practical examples of how to apply these discipline strategies to common behavioral problems.

I would recommend either of these books to anyone who has come to see that shouting and spanking doesn't work and wants to learn what does. 'How to Behave so Your Preschooler Will, too! is written in an organized, succinct, clean style and will appeal to those who enjoy a "textbook-like" book. 'Positive Discipline for Preschoolers', on the other hand, has a more friendly, meandering tone and is written in a "chatting over a cup of coffee" style with tons of first hand accounts thrown in.

"Discipline without Shouting or Spanking' is half the size of the previous two books and confines itself to practical applications. An outline format is used to discuss 37 common behavior problems. For each behavior problem it offers several suggestions to prevent the problem, solve the problem and even what not to do. Each discussion ends with an illustrative story. I would recommend this book to those already convinced that "positive discipline" works and looking for an easy to read, "in the trenches" handbook.

All three books are excellent resources for the parents and caregivers of preschoolers but as their content is so similar. I'd strongly urge a potential buyer to take advantage of Amazon's Look Inside! feature and purchase the one whose format and writing style most suits your literary taste.

I purchased "How to Behave" when my eldest was 16 months old and have picked it up again now that she (5) and her brother (3) have reached new developmental stages and developed 'new', not so desirable habits'.

I have found, over the years, that the author is correct; that most of my children's 'behaviors' are the result of my behaviors; essentially what I have `taught' them is permissible behavior. Misbehavior is not something innate in children, it is learned. And it is true, when I see them doing something I dislike, I usually find that it is a variation of something that I have allowed or taught them to do. [Take yelling for example. When my eldest started being `loud', I discovered that I had fallen back into my old habit of yelling.]

In this book though, Dr. Severe outlines not just one, but a number of approaches that a parent can use to resolve misbehaviors. Not only by correcting your own -LOL. And unlike other books, he gives role playing examples with sample dialog and actions so that you know exactly what sort of things you ought to say and do. No trying to guess what the author intent is.

Overall, a very useful and insightful book. But it if you are the sort of person who can't imagine that you *personally* are doing something wrong that is aiding and abetting your child's misbehavior, then this book will probably not help your family.

Four stars - A very good and useful book, minus one star for not being the easiest read.

Pam T~
mom and reviewer at BooksForKids-reviews

A MUST!!!! I am a Pediatrician, I've got a whole library of parenting books. This is the best one I have read and I recommend it to all parents of 2-6 year olds. I have had a lot of great feedback that the book has really helped so many of my families. I have got two of my own small children and have found the book a lifesaver. It is very common sense advice! Very easy to read.

Sal Severe helps you to realize the things you are ALREADY doing that are helping you and your child...also makes you realize how you might be inadvertently making your child's behavior worse. I love his list of positive things to say when you can't think of anything positive to say. He uses the principles of positive and negative reinforcement throughout his book.

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Insightful! Well worth the money and time. Dr. Severe offers practical, realistic, and effective strategies to bring out the best in your preschooler. I purchased this book after seeing Dr. Severe being interviewed on television and then noticed that his books are on my pediatrician's recommended reading list. Dr. Severe's advise is filled with common sense and is easy to implement. You will not be dissapointed if you follow his advise and remain consistent. I only wish that I read this book sooner!

This book is a god-send. It assured me within the FIRST chapter that my 3 year old is not trying to make my life miserable with the demanding, disobeying, etc. Easy to follow instructions, easy to read... very informative and pertinent. Has absolutely made a difference. THIS is a great book.. I recommend it to EVERYONE!

This book is a good resource for parents who want to know how to lovingly discipline their child. Sal Severe explains developmental characteristics of the preschool child and how this affects their behavior. Developmental factors include language acquisition, temperament, self esteem and motivation. He also explains how parents can prevent misbehavior by understanding these characteristics, and when the child does misbehave, how to correct the behavior. His suggestions include consistency, role modeling, redirection and time out. One thing that I do like about this book is that he repeatedly says that discipline is a teaching process- we want to teach our children to do better. I also like that he provides specific examples of problems and solutions. He tends to repeat key points in almost every chapter, so if you are reading the entire book, it seems a bit much. But you could also skip to a particularly relevant chapter without missing important information. Overall, a nice resource to add to your parenting collection.

We are a blended family with two toddlers and one baby one the way. The two older kids will begin preschool this fall and I can't tell you how much Dr. Severe has made me realize that while it can be scary, entering preschool need not be a bad experience. The "What You Do" and "What Your Child Learns" columns and charts make habits we normally would do with our kids show up as simple but not so good choices while showing us what we need to do instead. The simple format is clearly a huge convenience for busy moms like me allowing readers to zip from each needed resource. If I am wondering about redirecting behavior, something we now use often, I just look in the back of the book and quickly get to the pages on that topic. This easy to read book is packed with tips for everyday preschooler and toddler behavior. It is now on the to read list in our mom's group. Others we have just read and love as well are: The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Harvey Karp, and Mommy CEO, by Jodie Lynn. With these three books, all the important day to day chaos at my home is well on its way to being tamed...thank goodness!

I am a stay at home mom and with my 4 1/2 year old just about 24/7. I find myself getting very frustrated with him and,as a result, tend to lose my temper and yell. "How To Behave So Your Preschooler Will Too" brought many facts to light and gave me tools to handle situations differently. I keep the book handy and refer to sections as needed. It is amazing how many areas the book covers and how many pertained to us. It felt like the book was written for me. I can't say that my house is completely calm, but we are MUCH better.