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Comment: This book has already been loved by someone else. It MIGHT have some wear and tear on the edges, have some markings in it, or be an ex-library book. Over-all it is still a good book at a great price! (if it is supposed to contain a CD or access code, that may be missing)
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How to Break Your Addiction to a Person Paperback – December 30, 2003

4.3 out of 5 stars 118 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Are you in love--or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how to find the courage to call it quits.

Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still, to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted--to a person. Now there is an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction--and surviving the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist Howard Helpern explains to you:

Why you can get addicted to a person.

Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it.")

How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.

How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold you.

Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."

How to get through the agonizing breakup period--without going back.

How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Inside Flap

Are you in love--or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how to find the courage to call it quits.


Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still, to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted--to a person. Now there is an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction--and surviving the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist Howard Helpern explains to you:


Why you can get addicted to a person.


Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it.")


How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.


How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold you.


Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."


How to get through the agonizing breakup period--without going back.


How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.

"From the Paperback edition.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Bantam; Reprint edition (December 30, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0553382497
  • ISBN-13: 978-0553382495
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (118 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #21,375 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Mass Market Paperback Verified Purchase
I first devoured this book about 9 years ago & it saved my life, literally! I could not leave a very sick abusive man, even though I was terrified of him, even when he degraded me, even when it made my hate myself & feel disgusted at my seeming powerlessness to leave. This book SAVED my LIFE! I was able to break my lifelong patterns of choosing women haters, violent batterers, charming seductive snakes whose only goal was to drive me insane & break me in pieces emotionally until I had NO self-worth, self-respect, NO SELF at all left. Why do we stay hooked in harmful relationships? It's not always physically abusive, sometimes they are emotionally & verbally abusive to the point that you no longer know what is real. You want so badly to believe the lies & excuses, hold onto the hope that your lover will change if you just love them enough, I know he really loves me, she/he's just having a bad day, etc. If you've ever been in any type of relationship that you knew or suspected was harmful but STILL could NOT leave, you know the shattering pain of addiction to a person.
This book tells one how they became addicted & why, how to recognize a bad relationship, how to deal with the power & guilt trips your partner uses to keep you hooked, that jealousy & possessiveness do NOT mean love, how to get through the breakup without going back, & how to break this pattern for good! I could have gone through years of expensive therapy & still not received the exact help or understanding that I needed to set myself free from addictive relationships. I just bought a new copy of the book--it is timeless, worth much more than the cover price of...(therapy could cost thousands, take years & have less results). I recommend getting at least 2 because you won't want to share & we always know at least one person trapped in addictive relationships. You're worth it, right? :-)
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By A Customer on August 27, 1999
Format: Mass Market Paperback
A friend recommended this to me after an excruciating break up. "She" was my one and only, or so I thought. This book covers many areas of bad relationships. I myself had fallen deeply in love with a married woman, and I just knew we'd get it together. We didn't. This book helped me recognize that she wasn't leaving him. And so I was all over the place. This book held my irrational fears up for what they were, irrational. However, it begs you to examine your relationship with your parents. While my parents weren't perfect, I don't feel like they were as big a responsibility as the book suggests. Also, be careful, this book might make you confront fears and reality, and many aren't prepared for that path. But overall, if you're suffering, read this. You'll take away positives.
2 Comments 138 of 146 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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By A Customer on January 14, 2003
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I was in a deep depression over fear of losing someone I loved. I have always been anxious and upset about people leaving me. When I felt like I was going to die, I bought this book in hopes of helping me get over feeling so rejected. It really saved my life. It made me realize once and for all why my relationships consistently dont work out even when they seem right. It gave me clear, concise and helpful activities and exercises to do everyday that helped me recover from needing someone so badly. It helped me feel more independent, in control and confident in my life. It helped me to understand why I am the way I am and it used very specific behavioral conditioning to help me change that. This book is not an easy way out. It is not a quick fix for your life. It tells the truth and provides a clear plan that you would implement over a period of time to help you to stop depending on and needing people. It takes work and dedication but it is worth every ounce of self confidence and independence you will feel after getting over your addiction. Helpful for both those who are in an addictive relationship and those who have just left one.
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By D.A.C. on September 22, 2004
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book will answer all of your questions concerning love versus addiction. I read this book twice and highlighted so many areas in the book that I could relate to. I bought so many self-help books but this one is by far the best.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is unsure of their relationship. I was in a very unhealthy relationship for the past 7 1/2 years. I read the book and decided enough was enough.

I am no longer in the relationship. I'm not saying that it's easy but when I find myself missing him or wondering if I did the right thing, I read the parts that I highlighted in the book and know that I did the right thing by letting go.

There was nothing that I was able to do any different to save this relationship.I realized that he was the one with the problem and there was nothing that I could do about it.

Had I stayed for the sake of not being lonely, in the long run, I only would've been miserable and wasted another 7 1/2 years. And to not be lonely is not a good reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship or any relationship.

I'm only sorry it took me this long to find out but on the flip side at least I did found out and can finally move on.

If you find yourself wondering about your relationship, please get this book. It could be just what you're looking for.
9 Comments 137 of 151 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
I used this book several years ago. It helped me to discern the difference between real love and "person addiction". After I had figured out that I was in fact in an addictive relationship, it gave me practical advice on what to do about it! How to keep from calling, how to move on, what's normal, what isn't. I recommend it to some friends in need!
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