Customer Reviews

How Can I Be Sure?: Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book is thorough in terms of covering issues related to married life, but does focus on religious issues and encourages the reading of many Bible passages as part of the questions and homework. If you're any religion other than Christian or atheist/agnostic you might have a problem with this. You could just ignore those parts of the book, but it just made me annoyed. Good format with space to write your answers right in the book.

In 1989, my fiance and I purchased this book. He had not yet proposed, but we knew our relationship was heading in that direction. We wanted this to be the marriage that lasted the rest of our lives, so we did everything we could to learn how to be successful in marriage. Divorce was not an option.

We went through the book one chapter at a time. He had a copy, and I had a copy. We worked through the pages separately, and wrote down any concerns or questions we had for the other. We then met and discussed our answers to the questions in the book.

After our engagement was official, we went to our church for pre-marital counseling. We handed our pastor the workbooks at the first meeting. He was absolutely astounded that we had gone through so much effort before the engagement. We were able to identify the problems that would likely come up in our marriage (mother-in-law mostly!). Indeed, by discussing the issues ahead of time, we weren't surprised when certain things happened.

We are still married, happily, I might add, 15 years later. I have given this book to couples that I think are heading toward marriage. I have also purchased books for my children and their future intendeds. My children are still young, so they are tucked away until needed.

This book is (as the title suggests) full of thoughtful questions that can assist any couple in their journey towards marriage. It is broken into topical chapters, such as finances, communication, family, backgrounds, etc. All of the questions are formulated to challenge you and your significant other to think about things that most couples don't think about until after they have walked down the aisle together and have returned from the honeymoon. It is then that they discover that their expectations for married life were so very different from those of their spouse. They find that little arguements have surfaced over stupid things!! It doesn't matter if you are engaged or just dating, anytime is helpful to go through this book! It really addresses a lot of current and future issues that may lead to some frustrating misunderstandings. This book helps you and your partner get on the same page about some very important issues and decisions that you will face. (Talk about them NOW, before they become stresses in the relationship and build distance between you!) If, after going through this book together, some questions arise as to whether you are compatible or not I would really consider the cost of compromising on those important issues! Many people go into marriage blindly, without thinking about simple things like their expectations of their spouse and their desires inside of a marriage. Everyone's expectations are different!!! PLEASE, ASK THESE QUESTIONS!! Obviously, they do not guarantee a "happily ever after" marriage, but they do help you make a more informed decision! (And make things easier when they do come up because you've already talked about them together!) I am going through this with my boyfriend and it has helped us understand each other and get to know each other so much better!

I highly reccomend this book or one like it.

This book is designed to work with couples alone or with a councler. It is insightful and opens your mind to questions you might not even thought to ask (no matter how long you have known your intended).

It is a couples book, not to be done by only you but WITH whom you intend to be forever with. This one is a workbook format so two copies (one for each of you) would be a good idea.

If you are a Christian and are considering marriage, this is an excellent starting point to find out more about your potential mate. I would guess that most divorces actually take place because couples never really got to know each other well enough before they got engaged. Sadly, most couples decide to marry, then think about asking questions.

This book covers the main areas pretty well but I think left out other areas that could cause potential problems if not discussed. A more comprehensive book is 1000 Questions for Couples. I think it can only be gotten at questionsforcouples. com

I gave this book to my boyfriend for our last anniversary as we have been discussing marriage more seriously. We had a wonderful time filling it out together and it helped to clear up some of the fears about superficial differences (he is an engineer and I am an actress) that we feared might lead to problems in a potential marriage. This book guided us to concentrate on the more important matters: our love of children, our dreams and goals for marriage, and our mutual desire to passionately and joyfully serve God. This book was a great way to start our journey of moving towards engagement. I recommend it highly, but would also encourage couples to read other works as well which might have more in depth and thought provoking questions, especially ones that address unforseen "it-could-never-happen-to-us" problems.

I got this book as an anniversary present for my boyfriend for our 1 year anniversary - but I don't think I'll be giving it to him. The other reviews made it seem like it would work well for couples who were already engaged or those who were just seriously dating. My boyfriend and I are seriously dating and have discussed getting engaged (I'm just waiting on him now, haha) but this book was still a little intense. It uses the terms "my fiance" which threw me off a bit, and then it also discusses IN DETAIL aspects of a couple's sex life. (I'm a grown woman and I was beginning to blush!) I rated this book a 3 because I didn't read through it much. It very well may be a great book for engaged couples who are almost married, but for those who are not yet engaged, you could probably find something better. Also, this was more along the lines of a check list. There were maybe 10 paragraphs of actual text throughout the entire book. So just a warning - do not buy this book unless you are already engaged and getting married shortly.

This book was amazing! It helped my fiance and I understand each other better, compromise and/or get on the same page regarding many tough issues: Family background, previous relationships, our present relationship, religion, children, fiances, sex, and communication. This is a must read for any engaged couple or even couples thinking about getting engaged!

My Fiance and I recently went through this book to help us find out more about each other and possibly even discover some things we may not have known concerning one another. The book has a lot good questions. The key to getting something out of this book is to truthfully and honestly answer all the questions without worrying what the other is going to think. If you do this you will be suprised at how much closer you feel with one another afterwards even if you didn't answer exactley the same on each one. We are individuals and this books purpose is to point that out and get you to find out if there is anything hidden that you haven't told one another that may cause a problem down the road. I would recommend this book as a good starting point towards your marriage.

My husband and I met in 1997, but knew fairly quickly where the relationship was going. Because I'm from a broken home, I wanted to be certain I knew exactly what I was getting. The questions (and his subsequent answers) were foundational to deciding to marry my husband. I am happy to say, we are still in love and enjoy each other's company thoroughly, even twelve years later. Because of the questions in this book, I had a pretty good idea who I was marrying and haven't had much in the way of surprises. The surprises we did have were due to cultural differences (he's from another country), but that's not really what the book gets into. One must expect a few cultural bumps in a marriage where both parties grew up in different countries.

When using this book, I found it helpful to write out my answers before discussing them with my husband. That way I had MY thoughts written down without being influenced. It really helped highlight areas of difference. As my husband likes to say, this book brings to light discussions you will have at some point in your marriage. You can either get them out there before you wed or after, but you WILL discuss them eventually and possibly not so civilly.

We continue to send all engaged friends to this book. Don't get married without it...or at least the questions it raises.