Customer Reviews

How to Change Anybody: Proven Techniques to Reshape Anyone's Attitude, Behavior, Feelings, or Beliefs

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2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Dr. Lieberman has always been one of my favorite self-help authors. His books are lean and to the point, and most importantly deliver.

While I don't think you can change anything about anyone, all of the time, these technqiues are not likely to miss too often. The best is on how to help people who don't have much self-esteem. Great stuff and easy to understand. I highly reccomend it to anyone who wants to help those in their lives to be better people. Great for therapists too!

Great title, poor product.

The only way to permanently change anyone's behavior is to change their mindset. And it is not possible to change ones mindset with the simplistic examples presented in this book.

Some examples in the book came from Cialdini's Influence Science and Practice. However Cialdini went into great detail explaining the underlying theory behind the behavior and how behavior was influenced. Lieberman on the other hand just skimmed over the underlying theory. Simnply suggesting simple techniques for changing behavior. If things were that simple, all the professional psychiatrists and psychologists would be out of a job.

The book tried to cover too much material and therefore could only cover it in a superficial manner.

The examples were rather simple and there was no indepth discussion of what happens when the person you are trying to change does not react in the way that Lieberman suggest they will. People are not single dimension creatures. People are extremely complex and by the time they are adults, their mindset is deeply ingrained. A very small percentage of adults make significant permanent changes.

I rarely dispose of a book that I read. This will be a rare exception. I find no reason to keep it for future reference.

Lieberman's basic assumption is that most people want to be liked, want to be reasonable, and want to act in such a way as to increase the chances of getting what they ultimately want. If you can hack into their motivations, you can tap that energy, and through subtly addressing these drives and motivations you can engineer win/win attitude and behavioral shifts. Sometimes this might even be the case.

The book is broken down into four general sections, encompassing 29 more specific chapters. The general sections focus on changing a person's values and beliefs, their emotional state, "plastic surgery for the personality", and altering attitudes and behavior. Within those general subjects, and one cannot conceive of subjects much more general than these, are chapters covering changes such as "change a stingy person into a generous one" or "make anyone more interested in anything" and "make anyone more moral and ethical".

The advice Lieberman gives is fine so far as it goes. His appreciation of psychology and motivation is deep and appears sound to this layman. Once the general 'problem' with an individual is identified and explained, the author will recommend and illustrate a series of potential strategies to be used to deal with and alter the behavior. At least none of these will make the matter worse. Some may help, if the other person is calm, acts rationally, and is willing to listen. Of course, the problem in real life is that so many people who have serious personality or behavioral issues do not simply sit there are react as rational and calm people would hope or expect.

The good part is that the book is worth reading perhaps mostly to gain greater understanding or confirmation of the motivations of other people or oneself. The less good part is that exactly those people who act most exasperatingly are those most resistant to self examination, reflection and consideration, and serious change. They can perhaps be temporarily manipulated into doing one thing; but over the long term, personalities are not as malleable or subject to molding by outside influences, especially when this influence is limited to a few lines of dialogue or conversation.

As such, then, I think the book's title promises far too much. Lieberman has good understanding of people, and writes very clearly; at least some of his examples and illustrations are well considered. But don't expect to read this and be able to hypnotize and manipulate your friends and foes the following week.

I was amazed at how helpful and easy to read this book was. I used one of the techniques on a friend of mine and I was shocked at how much it helped her see a situation in a more positive and healthy way . Recomend highly!

Personally I like very much the author's provision of tons of techniques/solutions to various scenarios organised in individual chapters. However, as per those negative reviews here, this tactical and scenario based style of writing may not satisfy the needs and tastes of some readers.

To make the best use of it, one may need to know his/her own question/problem/objective well before applying the technique/tactic suggested by the author. The catch is that the technique described in Chapter/Scenario/Problem A may be more powerful in Chapter/Scenario/Probelm B. In short, this is a very demanding book, and the applicant must be very flexible and smart himself/herself. However, if you really wanna acquire some good skillset to enhance your personal relationship, this is it. Highly recommended!

p.s. The story on page 62 about how a sage turned a mad prince, who thought that he was a turkey, back to normal (at least behavior wise) is really mind blowing!

Although you cannot make a horse drink water you can put salt in his oats! That is what this book teaches you to do make it more likely that people will do what you wish them to do. Great doable strategies on making people more loyal, stopping passive-aggressive behavior, turning a lazy bum into an ambitious go-getter and much more. I've tried the ideas with some success which is better than I had before reading the book. It is worth getting because you are likely to find at least a few ideas that might make your difficult person more tolerable. This is an easy read and well organized.

This book presents strategies to deal with bullies, passive aggression and gossip, as well as offering some great strategies to motivate people; it even has techniques for lifting friends out of depression! Although on the surface this would appear to be a claim to achieve the impossible, the ideas are clearly put, and the psychological principles behind them are completely sound.

One point I would disagree with is the conventional assumption that bullies and manipulative people come from a position of low self-esteem. George K Simon in his book 'In Sheeps Clothing', argues strongly that these people come from a position of SUPER HIGH self-esteem. For example, after a divorce, a challenging child may seek out emotional hot-buttons. These buttons are usually feelings of guilt, which can be triggered as the manipulator uses them in order to get their own way. When these individuals find that they can operate their victim in this way, they may feel a great sense of power. I think that we all recognise phrases like: 'It's not fair', 'If you loved me you wouldn't do/say that', 'Why do you always pick on me', etc. and when we hear these sorts of phrases we feel that awful feeling of having been manipulated. These phrases really need a reaction of stepping into a detached persona to assess whether the comment is justified, or whether it is just an identified guilt button being pressed! In addition, manipulative people usually possess another trait. If you ask a manipulative person to do something for you, you will probably find that they have an abundance of reasons why it can't be done - these people often have an answer for everything; and yes, this answer often implies that YOU (or someone else) have done something to make their life/task difficult! These 'answers' require a similar response. I feel that this power high, as George Simon describes it, rings true to most manipulative people, and I really think that they feel that their 'skill' is a superpower over other people.

Apart from this issue, which is one of my pet topics, I heartily recommend this book. It is absolutely full of brilliant ideas, and it is a goldmine of constructive strategies for dealing with those everyday interactions in a way that leaves everybody happier and more motivated.

If you only invest in one people skills book, you could probably get by with this one alone.

I found this book to be a classic. It really sifts through real life examples of how to really impact other people through a positive way. Its not a book that teaching manipulation, but rather how to bring out the best in others. I soo strongly recommend this book. It really is a classic.

What a bunch of cr%$. This is the stupidest "self help" book I've ever seen. Yes, I did read it all. It was shallow and egotistical. Example - under how to get someone to stop nagging, it says that the only reason someone nags someone else is to get attention. Nope. I nag my kids to pick up behind themselves because I want them to pick up behind themselves. This book tells you, supposedly, how to change other people to suit you. He doesn't explain what to do when someone tries to change you and you don't want to be changed. Another example - for a grandfather trying to help his drug addicted gang member granddaughter - his advice is to move or send her to the Peace Corps. Dumb stuff. Save your money unless you want a good laugh. If this is any indication of the level of all of his books, don't buy any unless it will help you balance a table.

I can'nt say more that there is no value in this Audio. Complete waste of time. The style of the author seems to all over the map where he seems to be suggesting techniques with a "whatever sticks on the wall" approach. Very in coherent and boring. Do yourself a favor and do not waste time with this book.