How Could You Do This to Me? [Paperback]

Dr. Jane Greer (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 17, 1998

At one time or another we have all been betrayed by someone we trusted, all felt the sting of deceit and subsequent shattering of self-confidence. And when the people we count on betray our trust, the wound is deep and long-lasting.

In How Could You Do This to Me?, Dr. Jane Greer teaches readers:the types of people who are more at risk of betrayal the warning signs of someone who is untrustworthy a process that helps decide whether a relationship is worth saving or whether it should be abandoned.Part One discusses the roots of trust, blind trust, and the reasons betrayers betray. Part Two reveals our betrayers' many faces: admirers, users, or rivals. Part Three focuses on the fallout from betrayal: confrontation, revenge, and betrayal, and talks about how you can learn to trust your judgment and others again.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In a book directed at anyone who has ever felt betrayed, personally or professionally, New Jersey family therapist Greer and freelancer Rosen apply standard psychological theories to "the hundreds of trust decisions people make in their daily lives." Using vignettes from Greer's clinical practice and television shows, the authors cover many types of betrayal that extend beyond sexual infidelity. They cite trust as a value ranked high by most Americans; and, as this investigation demonstrates, there are ways to identify, prevent and recover from a breach of trust, as well as rebuild shattered self-confidence. Little here will be news to self-help devotees, but there are insightful passages on forgiveness-how to profess it and how to accept it-as well as a decalogue of positives for psychological health produced by men and women who have attended Greer's seminars.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Greer (Adult Sibling Rivalry, Fawcett, 1993), trust is a basic human need essential for our existence. When someone who is expected to be there for you lets you down, the sense of betrayal is profound and devastating. Given the centrality and power of this need, it is surprising that although some of the world's most renowned theoreticians have tried to examine the intriguing nature of trust, no one until now has applied the psychological theories meaningfully to the hundreds of trust decisions people make in their daily lives. In Part 1, Greer discusses the roots of trust, blind trust, and the reasons betrayers betray. In the second part, she reveals the many faces of betrayal, i.e., rivals, admirers, and users. Finally, she focuses on the fallout from betrayal?revenge, confrontation, apology, and how to trust ourselves again. Writing in a clear, compassionate style, Greer uses personal narratives to illustrate the different situations in which people are betrayed. The first of its kind, this work is highly recommended for all public libraries.?David R. Johnson, Fayetteville P.L., Ark.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Main Street Books; Main Street Books ed edition (August 17, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385490119
• ISBN-13: 978-0385490115
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #144,482 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Nothing new here, July 5, 2005

By 

dallas "texgirl" (Dallas, TX) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How Could You Do This to Me? (Paperback)

This is actually not a terrible book; it's just not a book for someone who has already been researching and reading up on how to heal a broken heart after a betrayal. I bought it expecting some new insight and/or advice, but mostly it's a "beginner's primer" that defines betrayal, looks at childhood and how this figures in, etc. Very elementary, very basic. If you're just starting down the road to recovery after betrayal, and have not spent years talking to a therapist and reading books about it, as I have, then this particular book is probably a good place to start. Just don't expect any concrete advice or specific direction. It just isn't here.

27 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you for doing the work for ME..., February 10, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: How Could You Do This to Me? (Paperback)

After three years of trying to move on after my (now ex-)husband's affair, this was the book that provided the motivation for me to DO IT! It is hard for most people to be able to accept the bad things that happen to them and move on without knowing "WHY" it happened. Although this book did not provide me with the reason "why", it helped me understand what type of individual I was dealing with and why someone would behave this way. It also helped me understand what my part was in it - my reaction to it. This book has not only has helped me in my personal life, but in my professional work as well. Thank you Jane and Margery!

31 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Questioning your spouse's fidelity : This is for you, October 3, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: How Could You Do This to Me? (Paperback)

A real eye opener! Want the truth? You deserve nothing less. This book will help you get the answers you are entitled to. Focusing on helping you to recongnize betrayers,Dr.Greer,gives you the tools to learn that you have the right to question situations that don't "add up". I have never realized that you can actually make it easier for someone to take advantage of, and continue to actually betray you over and over again. Dr.Greer spells this out with compasion while keeping you from beating yourself up. Is your relationship worth rebuilding? Only you can answer that. You will receive the tools to help you decide. Have trouble trusting yourself because of past failures? You will learn how to start trusting others and most importantly: YOURSELF. A true Godsend. Thank you Dr.Greer