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If you are not willing to aspire to place the needs of your spouse before your own, then do not marry. It cannot work. You must aspire to place the needs, the emotions, the well-being, the perspective of your mate before your own. There is no other way. This is the aspiration, the direction, even if the destination is not totally achieved; marriage helps us transcend our own self-centeredness. The prescription given is to communicate openly and honestly and to honor one anothers vulnerability without hurting each other. It is Respectfully Real communication; fidelity, loyalty, and the poetry of love are an essential part of real marriage.
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