From the Author
Body Language Secrets was published in May of 1997 and sold 15,000 copies in just over a year! You'll also need to read it to fully benefit from this book.
I have received over 4000 letters from guys. In September of 1997, my newsletter, Men Of Steel Balls, began publication as well as being posted on the internet. Over 2200 guys have emailed me with their feedback and questions since then!
This book is a combination of what guys have asked about and what I have learned the hard way since 1987.
The Foreword of The Revised Edition is reprinted here because 40,000 readers didn't get to see it. Please read it. If you do, everything in this book will make a lot more sense, plus it will stay in your head, and your heart, much longer.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Why She Picks You
You are at a crowded party on Saturday night at a sprawling, expensive home in the hills. People from all walks of life are here. The crowd ranges in age from 12 to 78. The occasion is the host's annual Summer Solstice party.
Imagine a 27 year old, natural blonde, about 5 feet 5 inches tall, weighing 120 lean, mean pounds with C cups, baby blue eyes, perfect white teeth and an IQ of 140. We all agree that she's a solid 9.2 on a scale of 10.
She's wearing a fire-engine red sheath dress about four inches below her knees. It is split up the back to about four inches above her knees.
Her hair is long and wavy. She's standing by the kitchen sink leaning against the counter sipping a glass of champagne looking over the party guests as they sample the hors d'oeuvres.
She's never been married but Randy RedPorsche's brother, Danny Manly, a fireman, broke off their engagement two years ago. For the past few months she's been casually dating a 32 year old guy who is worth about a half a million. He uses her as an arm charm. She also sees a 28 year old surf bum who lives half a block from her apartment. He's a construction worker when he needs money. He could take her or leave her.
She makes $32k as a Contract Administrator for a big company.
She gives you the quick once over, then looks away. A few minutes later, you see her studying you out of the corner of her eye.
Knowing what you do about her, what do you think she wants from you? How will you have to come across when you talk with her? Does she want you to tell her she has beautiful hair? Who is your competition? What does he have that you don't have? What do you have that she wants?
You notice a 24 year old brunette laughing loudly in the dining room. She's 5 feet 3 inches with extremely short hair. Tight jeans reveal a set of hips like Marilyn Monroe. She's braless under her cotton t-shirt, packing a pair of 34 B's. We'd all say she's a 7.8 looks-wise. Her IQ is about 115.
Two years ago she moved to LA from Minnesota after she broke up with her college boyfriend. She works for an insurance company pushing paper, making $23k. She had a 25 year old boyfriend for six months but he treated her like shit. A month ago she got up to courage to move out. She lives with two other young women.
She holds your glance, smiles, looks down before returning to the conversation with two college guys.
Knowing what you do about her, what do you think she wants from you? How will you have to come across when you talk with her? Does she want you to glance at her braless tits? Who else wants her? What does he have that you don't have? What do you have that she wants?
Do you think either of these two young women likes pot bellies? How 'bout a few strands of hair combed over bald heads?
My point? It is within the power of your common sense to make sure that you are NOT in the no chance, Jack category of good-looking women.
Desirable women choose the men they want, not the other way 'round. What a desirable woman finds alluring is up to her. You must be what she wants.
VALUES AND GOALS PLUS NEEDS
Depending on her age and history of good and bad times at the hands of men, beginning with Daddy, she has an overall agenda. The young ones must have a boyfriend above all else. If she's a divorced mother of 28, she is looking for stability, if possible. When she's 34, divorced with no children, she's looking for something entirely different.
A woman makes choices because of what she believes in, where she wants to end up and what's lacking in her life. Her decision also depends on which hormones are dominating her brain chemistry that day, or night! It's a contradictory, jumbled, constantly-in-flux set of priorities that serve as the standard by which she determines your worthiness.
A woman does not sit down and rationally decide where she is and where she wants to go when she takes an older lover. She just does it.
Of the victorious males who court her, she selects the man she finds the most desirable. More in a few pages.
The choice a woman makes has much to do with where we all came from 60 million years ago.
WHY BEFORE HOW
If you know why something happens, you can learn how to control what happens. The quote my Grandpa used when he taught me this lesson was, "The man who knows how will always have a job. But the man who knows why, will be his boss."
The next chapter was in the appendix of Body Language Secrets because most women who reviewed that manuscript thought it slowed down the book. Men who read the appendix said they learned one helluva a lot by reading it.
To understand why women behave as they do, read it, even if it does slow you down a bit.
Air, Water, Food, Sex, Security, Love, Self-Actualization ABRAHAM MASLOW
Sex Is Number Four
Remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs from Psychology 101? Air is the most important. Water is second. Food is third. Fourth, comes sex, even before security, which is fifth. Love is sixth. Self actualization last.
Once the need for air is satisfied, one seeks water until that need is satisfied. Food then becomes the dominate need. If one has enough to eat, sex is the driving force, even at the office, even when socializing (courting) after church.
In an interview with Playboy, anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of The Natural History of Monogamy, Adultery and Divorce answered this question. I was delighted she said what I had written.
What do you think about this constant harangue over the issue of patriarchy?
Naomi Wolf came out with that ridiculous book, The Beauty Myth, in which she blames men and the entire advertising industry for the fact that women want to remain beautiful and thin all their lives.
But for millions of years, men have been attracted to women who look youthful. That was an evolutionary adaptive response because clear eyes, white teeth, smooth skin and a youthful appearance indicated that the woman was more likely to have fresher eggs and more likely to bear viable young. As a result, men have always been attracted to women who look healthy and young.
If the advertising, cosmetic and clothing industries fell into the Hudson River, women would re-create them, because the human female instinctively seeks to look youthful, healthy and attractive. That has nothing to do with patriarchy.
MEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DIFFERENT
After three decades of feminist propaganda, a few men and many women believe that males and females are the same. They choose to ignore that during the rise of mammals over the past 60 million years, evolution perfected the male homo sapiens and perfected the female homo sapiens. Survival dictated the essential characteristics of each gender.
Males developed characteristics that are best for the survival of everyone in a hunter-gatherer band of about 25 humans.
Females developed characteristics that are best for the survival of everyone in a hunter-gatherer band of 25 humans.
Survival determined that males must be aggressive and competitive. Survival determined that females must be nurturing and submissive, unless defending their young. Every human male and every human female has these fundamental gender characteristics. When civilization arose, characteristics developed over millions of years did not disappear.
Gender differences do not disappear because the corporation or the singles' bar or the condo owner's committee is not a hunter-gatherer band.
BLINK OF A GEOLOGIC EYE
We homo sapiens created today's civilization in only 10,000 years. But we took 60 million years to become homo sapiens. Just under our thin skin of Western culture, we are the same as we have been for millions upon millions of years.
To understand the natural principles of courtship, the principles that actually control us, it is necessary to understand human nature, evolutionary, biological human nature-not the human nature professed by parents, priests and politicians.
BARBARIANS IN WAITING
Here in the United States, the most advanced country in the world, civilized behavior hangs by a thread. Doubt that?
Admit that everyday people rob the dead at an airliner crash. Think back on the Rodney King riots. Recall that many of the looters were average citizens. And, if still in doubt, go for a walk by yourself, unarmed, on the wrong side of town in any major city after midnight.
When there is no fear of retribution, many people become instant barbarians. If lawlessness persists, all of us must defend ourselves with force or be devoured, just as it was before civilization. Why? We are the same as we have always been.
So what? you ask. Well, if you realize that we are the same creatures we have always been, you can see that courtship is not exactly what we have been led to believe by our society and its institutions.
GENUINE, FUNDAMENTAL COURTSHIP
The principle goal evolution built into each of us is the same-get your DNA into the future. Each of us wants to, in a sense, live forever. That's exactly what we do when we send our DNA, in the form of a replica of ourselves, into the future.
The woman offers the man the ability to send a replica of himself into the future. The man offers the woman the ability to send a replica of herself into the future. At this point, men always ask, So, if that's the case, can't we just skip all these courtship games? Look at our ancestors to understand.
ANSWERS FROM ANCIENT ANCESTORS
We are all descendants of people who lived brutish, nasty, bloody, short lives, less than 25 years. Infants had to be suckled at the mother's breast for nearly four years.
Then, as now, a woman's goal is different for physical and biological reasons. She doesn't just want to get her DNA into the future, but to get it there with the best chance for survival. The key to understanding courtship is, "best chance for survival."
Look at our hunter-gather ancestors and realize that it's in a woman's best interest (in the evolutionary sense) to be persuaded only by strong, healthy, high-status males. Why? Her evolutionary programming tells her she must devote four years to nursing each child she produces before she can become pregnant again. (Suckling causes women to produce a hormone that prevents pregnancy.)
In short, on a fundamental, evolutionary level she knows she has only a few chances to get a replica of herself into the future. Thus, it is crucial that her replica have the best possible chance for survival. That's why she is particular.
In everyday terms, evolution wants a woman to be picky. Evolution wants her to select a strong, healthy male who is capable of providing food and protection for her and the child. When our grandparents described that male, they referred to him as "a good father and provider." At the dawn of the 21st century he's called a "great catch."
Look at our hunter-gatherer ancestors. In the evolutionary sense, it is in a man's best interest to persuade as many women as possible. Why? After adolescence, he produces millions of sperms every day until he dies. Any single one can send his replica into the future. The more women he persuades, the more replicas he sends. The more replicas there are, the better the chances are that one survives.
HERE WE ARE, AS WE WERE
Today, we are fundamentally the same mammals who scavenged for carcasses of animals killed by carnivores 250,000 years ago. Yet here we are, a quarter of a million years later eyeing each other across the dance floor at a wedding reception.
High status males at the reception have a wider choice of females than males of low status.
TODAY'S HIGH STATUS MALES
The high status males of our hunter-gatherer ancestors were men who could provide the things necessary for survival in that culture-food and safety. Thus, the best hunter-warriors had first choice of the females.
They selected females, replicated themselves and moved into the future. We are the result of those high status males and the desirable females they chose. Their DNA is the foundation of our DNA. They indelibly stamped their characteristics into our being. Their blood runs within us, literally. We are them. They are us.
Today, high status males are men who can provide the things necessary for survival in this culture-food and safety, just as with hunter-gatherers.
We don't live in small bands where everyone knows who the high-status males are. That's not a problem for our society's males of the highest possible status: movie stars, rock stars, athletic stars, political stars and stars of finance and industry.
I tried to accommodate as many young ladies as possible. MAGIC JOHNSON
All across the country everyone knows who they are because of mass communication. Thus, our highest status males can pick and choose which females they mate with no matter where they are.
That's until they want to mate with our society's most desirable females. Then, they too, must woo those females. Why? Because other high status males want those women too. Universal, fundamental fact-males compete, the victors get to choose. The most desirable females select from among the victorious.
Our society's other very high status males let females know who they are by displaying:
Expensive, exotic automobiles, yachts, aircraft Expensive, fashionable attire and accessories Expensive homes in prestigious neighborhoods Expensive gifts to highly desirable women.
The operative word is expensive. Money buys food, shelter, safety and long term security for the female and her children. Among this group of males, there is competition for the most desirable females. As always, the winners get to choose.
And so it goes, on down the socio-economic ladder. Within each income group, males compete for the most desirable females in their group. It is no different from our hunter-gatherer ancestors. The best hunter-warrior got first choice. The second best got second choice and so on. Survival of the fittest.
The most desirable females in every culture have always had the same two outstanding attributes. Hugh Hefner capitalized on that fact, sold it to males of all ages, and became a billionaire.
The next chapter is a Summary of this book. Key ideas and major principles are briefly explained. This will focus your subconscious and cause your memory to lock in crucial information.