How to Eat Like a Republican: Or, Hold the Mayo, Muffy--I'm Feeling Miracle Whipped Tonight [Paperback]

Susanne Grayson Townsend (Author), Tony Zamora (Illustrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 13, 2004

This is part cookbook, part how-to for non-Republicans, part payback ("Thanks, Mom, for all the swell tricks with Lipton Onion Soup Mix"), and part sheer revenge, as in for one horrifying night when the author was invited to dinner by a coven of Democrats under the pretext of eating a decent whole roasted prime tenderloin and was cruelly served a whole roasted baby tuna. Her date, a Republican fish-hater (a Republican redundancy, by the way, see Chapter 3, Fish), memorably reacted by getting dead drunk and passing out at the table with his face in the tuna. This capriciously-organized collection of the kinds of homey recipes Republicans grow up on pays little regard to attribution, since, in the words of the author, "Nobody ever remembers where the recipe originally came from anyway."

--This text refers to the Kindle Edition edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The Northeast Cultural Elite, a frequent butt of Townsend's bemused disdain, isn't likely to take eagerly to such fare as Vel-Veto Power Ro*Tel Dip, which consists of a pound of Velveeta cheese and a can of Ro*Tel tomatoes and green chilies; or Miss Scarlett's Saltine Salad, made of a sleeve of saltines, 1½ cups of Miracle Whip, a tomato, scallions and hard-boiled eggs. But then, this collection of often outrageously inelegant recipes is intended far more to dish up a few laughs than to impress demanding palates. Townsend says her anti-Democrat focus is "food over frou-frou, life before balsamic vinegar," and she rarely deviates from this occasionally amusing perspective from which she genially pokes fun at such obvious targets as those who voted for Hillary Rodham Clinton and the Whitewater affair. Coca-Cola and ketchup are two of her most prized ingredients, and their savory goodness reaches startling heights in Chicken Gizzard Candy with Ketchup and Coke, and Straub's Sticky Chickies in Coke, the latter calling only for ketchup, Coke and split chicken breasts. Townsend, a former ad executive, also gathers recipes associated with political icons: Senator Goldwater's Chili, Buffalo Right Wings (An Homage to Pat Buchanan) and Rush's Mom's Fluffy Potato Casserole. After describing Favorite Wild Duck of the NRA as "rich as a Republican after a tax cut," however, Townsend does waver from the party line by slipping balsamic vinegar into Sizzling Pine Nut Salad and Fast and Fancy Veal Chops. Illus.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Empirical evidence might demonstrate that Republicans eat little differently from members of other political parties, or even other humans, but Townsend politely demurs. She sees Republicans as a breed of eaters apart. In this inventory of approved recipes, Republicans stand for traditional values, but they have a moderate taste for new cooking, especially if it offers an opportunity to flaunt conservative mores and new wealth. How rich is a dish? "It's as rich as a Republican after a tax cut," she opines. Borrowing from her three-year-old, Townsend renames quiche Lorraine "Keith and Lorraine." Although the cookbook's recipes contain an allotment of canned condensed cream soup, most recipes call for fresh, if common, ingredients. Reflecting the country's population trends, Townsend includes a few dishes that call for chiles, tortillas, and other southwestern fare, as well as the Coca-Cola-based cuisine of the New South. This amusing volume may swell with tongue-in-cheek narratives, but the food it celebrates is very decidedly middle-class white American. Mark Knoblauch
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Villard (July 13, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0812971027
• ISBN-13: 978-0812971026
• Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.4 x 9.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,419,039 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Here's something else to blame on Slick Willy ! ! !, August 4, 2004

By 

Theodore A. Rushton (PHOENIX, Arizona United States) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to Eat Like a Republican: Or, Hold the Mayo, Muffy--I'm Feeling Miracle Whipped Tonight (Paperback)

A Republican cook book?

Only in America. I've been to lots of bean bakes, goat ropings, tribal fairs, wooly sheep ridings and Republican teas -- and until now I thought Republicans lived by caterers alone. I'm shocked. Can America be a global hyperpower if Republicans learn to boil water without burning it, to cook macaroni and even make meat loaf?

Meat loaf? Would you believe a 'Bacon Cheeseburger Meat Loaf'? Granted, it's probably a little more tasty and nutritious than the meat loaf the Republican Sheriff Joke feeds prison inmates in Maricopa County. But then, these are seriously delicious recipes. By the same token, there isn't a recipe for any Democratic beans, hot dogs or baking powder (cowboy) biscuits. In other words, this is an Original Meaning all Natural Law and Back-to-Basics Republican cookbook. It'll do your Constitution good.

After years of cooking the books, it's nice to know Republicans can now cook an "Irene Halligan's Mighty Mac and Cheese" dish. As for secrets, this book also explains the mystery of those WMDs no one could find in Iraq; the initials really mean 'Whiskey of Much Delight' and refers to Jack Daniels. For the Born Again crowd, there's a 'Jack Daniel Died for Your Sins Whiskey . . . recipe.' It calls for "2 tablespoons Jack Daniel's Black Label." Now, you just known any Democratic recipe would start with "1 quart store brand vodka . . . "

It's a fun book. You you want to know just how authentic it is? Let me tell you. Right up front, in the "Acknowledgements," Townsend blames the Clinton administration.

I kid you not.

She writes, ". . .a special and heartfelt thanks to the Clinton administration who taught me the most valuable lesson of all: in America, you can get away with anything, including a cookbook called 'How to Eat Like a Republican'." It's almost as if Dick Cheney wrote the introduction.

It's a fun book. Republicans can have a ton of laughs reading about "Spotted Dick Nixon" (suet and raisins), "Pat Buchanan's Buffalo Right Wings" and "Rush's Mom's Fluffy Potato Casserole" (it explains why he's as smart as a boiled potato). Care for some "DAR Deviled Eggs"? How about an "Unimpeachable Peach Cobbler" in case Slick Willy comes to visit? Or an "Calvin Cooler" (named for the president, not the comic strip). Thirsty? Try Dad's Margarita" (4 ounces Jack Daniels Black Label, ice).

Maybe it's anominous omen for November, "If you can't stand the heat in the Oval Office, get into the kitchen." If that happens, look for a Democratic sequel next year, "How to Order Lunch at the Country Club without Sounding Like a Democrat."

6 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Witty, Delightful and Fun!, July 13, 2004

By 

Sandi Reesor (Topeka, KS) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Eat Like a Republican: Or, Hold the Mayo, Muffy--I'm Feeling Miracle Whipped Tonight (Paperback)

Forget the carbs, forget the fat content - Go for a fun adventure into some rather unusual recipes of some high ranking Republicans! This little book is written in the style of a very talented new writer - sure to please your appetite in many ways!

5.0 out of 5 stars A fun little cookbook, December 23, 2011

By 

MadisonVeggie "Lynette in Wisconsin" (Madison, WI) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: How to Eat Like a Republican (Kindle Edition)

This is more of a humor book than a cookbook, and the recipes can be kinda scary (lots of bacon, butter and mayo). It is so much fun to read, though, and I admit to being tempted to try some of them. Written by a lifelong and fairly staunch Republican, it never-the-less pokes lots of fun at the party and it's members. This is a book that can be enjoyed by all, regardless of political leaning.