How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide [Kindle Edition]

Aaron Goldfarb (Author)

Book Description

Now with over 100,000 copies sold, How to Fail is the cult book more and more people are joining the cult of every single day.

Let's be honest:  self-help guides SUCK.

How to Fail is the world's FIRST Self-Hurt Guide, the polar opposite of a self-help guide.

How to Fail follows the misadventures, misgivings, and massive mistakes of Stu Fish as he tries to find success in New York City.  This satirical novel and guide includes such hilarious chapters as:

Chapter One:  How to Fail to Write a Cohesive Introduction

Chapter Two:  How to Fail to Not Get Mistaken For a Bum
Footchapter Two:  How to Go Insane and Garner Voices in Your Head

Chapter Three:  How to Fail to Make Your Parents Proud of You
Footchapter Three:  How to Fail to Write Commercial Material

Chapter Four:  How to Fail to Do Something Productive All Day
Footchapter Four-A:  How to Develop an Addiction
Footchapter Four-B:  How to Masturbate at Work

Chapter Five:  How To Fail to Live in a Healthy Environment
Footchapter Five-A:  How to Locate and Find Yourself Paying Rent to a Slumlord
Footchapter Five-B:  How to Have Fucked-Up Neighbors

Chapter Six:  How to Fail in Love
Footchapter Six-A:  How to Get Usurped By Your Girlfriend's Ex
Footchapter Six-B:  How to Have a Sordid Past

Chapter Seven:  How to Fail All the Way to Rock Bottom

Chapter Eight:  How to Live on a Couch
Footchapter Eight:  How to Avoid Your Ex in a Small Town

Chapter Nine:  How to Fail to Extend Your Family Tree
Footchapter Nine:  How to Fail in Bed

Chapter Ten:  How to Get Laid on a Couch
Footchapter Ten:  How to Acquire the STD That's Right for You

Chapter Eleven:   How to Be Haunted by Demons
Footchapter Eleven-A:  How to Be Aimless and Uninspired
Footchapter Eleven-B:  How to Piss People Off, Alienate Yourself, and End Up Alone

Chapter Twelve:  How to Have a Negative Net and Self-Worth
Footchapter Twelve:  How to Network

Chapter Thirteen:  How to Fail to Be Normal
Footchapter Thirteen-A:  How to Be a Hypochondriac Without Health Care
Footchapter Thirteen-B:  How to Grow Apart From Your Friends

Chapter Fourteen:  How to Fail to Fail

Epilogue:  How to Write a Successful Book and Become Rich

There's not an aspect of life that How to Fail doesn't tackle and offer a terrific non-solution for!  All delivered in perfect single serving-size chapters for a modern A.D.D. culture more used to reading blog entries on their phones while riding the subway than in carefully reading a book.

There's other people out there just like you.  Stu Fish is one of them.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"How to Fail is reminiscent of a classic that raised eyebrows sixty years ago: J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye." --Len Edgerly, The Kindle Chronicles

"Goldfarb's satire turns the genre on its ear...warps it like a fun-house mirror, to hysterical effect. Piss-yourself funny." --The Philadelphia Lawyer, Happy Hour is for Amateurs

"This is like the Bible for screwing up, except a little more awesome. Would that make Aaron Goldfarb a prophet for failures? We'd like to think so." --Jason Diamond, editor, Jewcy

"I was so deep into How to Fail one night, that I missed my subway stop on the way home. It's THAT good." --Murphguide

"A sharp little satire." --Three Guys One Book

"[Makes you feel] like the author is your new best friend." --NY Press

About the Author

Aaron Goldfarb is the author of the satirical novel How to Fail:  The Self-Hurt Guide, the world's first self-hurt guide, the opposite of a self-help guide. He also has a short story collection about the sexes, sex, and sexiness in New York, The Cheat Sheet, and a collection of essays called Drunk Drinking.

Visit him at aarongoldfarb.com, chat with him at [e-mail], or follow him on twitter.com/aarongoldfarb

Product Details

• File Size: 401 KB
• Print Length: 372 pages
• Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B004AYCUFA
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled
• X-Ray: Enabled
• Lending: Enabled
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #228,266 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 24 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Surprised How Much I Enjoyed This! December 2, 2010

By Libby Cobert

Format:Paperback

Goldfarb's book is one of the most pleasant surprises I've read in a while - I'm so glad a friend put it in my hands. I couldn't put it down! I read it in two days and then a week later decided to read it again.

The last "dude" book I was convinced to read was Tucker Max's "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," which I admittedly enjoyed (though I might deny that in person). While this book does fall into the same category based on the narrator's playboy attitude and acerbic tone, "How To Fail" is funnier, sweeter and actually a bit insightful. Also, I loved that it was one narrative as opposed to a compilation of vignettes. The protaganist in "How to Fail" is a somewhat lovable/somewhat hatable character, but his story and experiences are relatable and shockingly honest.

For girls, if you like Chelsea Handler's kind of humor, you'll really dig this too. Guys, you either know this guy or you are this guy, and either way will find the story hilarious to read. Highly recommended. (That is, recommended for those who are comfortable with swearing and explicitly detailed romantic encounters - don't give it to your grandma.)

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Sexy comedy! January 8, 2011

By annie hallway

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I got this book for Christmas and I was like, "WTF?" It looked kind of stupid and childish, and, you know what? It was. But it was also hilarious. One of the funniest books I've ever read. I'd finished it before my vacation weekend was over. I've read and enjoyed other "fratire" books by Tucker Max, Aaron Karo, and Maddox, but "How to Fail" is my favorite so far. It had a sweet core that the other lacked. And it's smart too. So I'd recommend it to any one looking for a good, smart laugh that's a quick read too.

30 of 35 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars There Are No Vampires in This Book December 16, 2010

By M. Zambotti

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

My wife reads about a hundred books a year. They're all basically the same book- vampires eating warewolves or witches
trying to find love or something like that. Even the covers look the same. Sometimes she even reads a book she's already read by accident. Maybe she's crazy. Or maybe the bulk of books out there are bland, unmemorable bowls of oatmeal. How to Fail is NOT a book you'll forget you read.

I was first introduced to the author through his blog (theviceblog.com) as I was searching for beer reviews. Most beer review sites consisted of a pretentious dude who tasted 20-30 different things in every beer. They were all the same- 'cept for The Vice Blog- it had a crazy way of mixing a beer review with some real life anecdote. It was original and I spent about three hours one night (after a few fine ales, natch) browsing the "Best Of" page. How to Fail is the same thing- Original. It has a feel to it like your buddy is telling you hilarious stories over beers at the local watering hole. But beyond the humor and cynicism is some really good observations about life and human nature. It actually gives you some things to think about.

If you want to read a book that's exactly like the last one you read maybe How to Fail isn't for you. But if you want something that's memorable and different, pick up a copy.

More About the Author

Aaron Goldfarb is the author of the satirical novel HOW TO FAIL: THE SELF-HURT GUIDE, the world's first self-hurt guide, the opposite of a self-help guide. He also has a short story collection about the sexes, sex, and sexiness in New York, THE CHEAT SHEET, and a collection of essays called DRUNK DRINKING. He is also a screenwriter for television and film.

Visit him at aarongoldfarb.com, chat with him at [e-mail], or follow him on twitter.com/aarongoldfarb