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How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide [Kindle Edition]

Aaron Goldfarb
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (77 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $4.99
 
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Book Description

Now with over 100,000 copies sold, How to Fail is the cult book more and more people are joining the cult of every single day.

Let's be honest:  self-help guides SUCK.

How to Fail is the world's FIRST Self-Hurt Guide, the polar opposite of a self-help guide.

How to Fail follows the misadventures, misgivings, and massive mistakes of Stu Fish as he tries to find success in New York City.  This satirical novel and guide includes such hilarious chapters as:

Chapter One:  How to Fail to Write a Cohesive Introduction

Chapter Two:  How to Fail to Not Get Mistaken For a Bum
Footchapter Two:  How to Go Insane and Garner Voices in Your Head

Chapter Three:  How to Fail to Make Your Parents Proud of You
Footchapter Three:  How to Fail to Write Commercial Material

Chapter Four:  How to Fail to Do Something Productive All Day
Footchapter Four-A:  How to Develop an Addiction
Footchapter Four-B:  How to Masturbate at Work

Chapter Five:  How To Fail to Live in a Healthy Environment
Footchapter Five-A:  How to Locate and Find Yourself Paying Rent to a Slumlord
Footchapter Five-B:  How to Have Fucked-Up Neighbors

Chapter Six:  How to Fail in Love
Footchapter Six-A:  How to Get Usurped By Your Girlfriend's Ex
Footchapter Six-B:  How to Have a Sordid Past

Chapter Seven:  How to Fail All the Way to Rock Bottom

Chapter Eight:  How to Live on a Couch
Footchapter Eight:  How to Avoid Your Ex in a Small Town

Chapter Nine:  How to Fail to Extend Your Family Tree
Footchapter Nine:  How to Fail in Bed

Chapter Ten:  How to Get Laid on a Couch
Footchapter Ten:  How to Acquire the STD That's Right for You

Chapter Eleven:   How to Be Haunted by Demons
Footchapter Eleven-A:  How to Be Aimless and Uninspired
Footchapter Eleven-B:  How to Piss People Off, Alienate Yourself, and End Up Alone

Chapter Twelve:  How to Have a Negative Net and Self-Worth
Footchapter Twelve:  How to Network

Chapter Thirteen:  How to Fail to Be Normal
Footchapter Thirteen-A:  How to Be a Hypochondriac Without Health Care
Footchapter Thirteen-B:  How to Grow Apart From Your Friends

Chapter Fourteen:  How to Fail to Fail

Epilogue:  How to Write a Successful Book and Become Rich

There's not an aspect of life that How to Fail doesn't tackle and offer a terrific non-solution for!  All delivered in perfect single serving-size chapters for a modern A.D.D. culture more used to reading blog entries on their phones while riding the subway than in carefully reading a book.

There's other people out there just like you.  Stu Fish is one of them.


Editorial Reviews

Review

"How to Fail is reminiscent of a classic that raised eyebrows sixty years ago: J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye." --Len Edgerly, The Kindle Chronicles

"Goldfarb's satire turns the genre on its ear...warps it like a fun-house mirror, to hysterical effect. Piss-yourself funny." --The Philadelphia Lawyer, Happy Hour is for Amateurs

"This is like the Bible for screwing up, except a little more awesome. Would that make Aaron Goldfarb a prophet for failures? We'd like to think so." --Jason Diamond, editor, Jewcy

"I was so deep into How to Fail one night, that I missed my subway stop on the way home. It's THAT good." --Murphguide

"A sharp little satire." --Three Guys One Book

"[Makes you feel] like the author is your new best friend." --NY Press

About the Author

Aaron Goldfarb is the author of the satirical novel How to Fail:  The Self-Hurt Guide, the world's first self-hurt guide, the opposite of a self-help guide. He also has a short story collection about the sexes, sex, and sexiness in New York, The Cheat Sheet, and a collection of essays called Drunk Drinking.

Visit him at aarongoldfarb.com, chat with him at aaron@aarongoldfarb.com, or follow him on twitter.com/aarongoldfarb

Product Details

  • File Size: 401 KB
  • Print Length: 372 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004AYCUFA
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #305,708 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
24 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Surprised How Much I Enjoyed This! December 2, 2010
Format:Paperback
Goldfarb's book is one of the most pleasant surprises I've read in a while - I'm so glad a friend put it in my hands. I couldn't put it down! I read it in two days and then a week later decided to read it again.

The last "dude" book I was convinced to read was Tucker Max's "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," which I admittedly enjoyed (though I might deny that in person). While this book does fall into the same category based on the narrator's playboy attitude and acerbic tone, "How To Fail" is funnier, sweeter and actually a bit insightful. Also, I loved that it was one narrative as opposed to a compilation of vignettes. The protaganist in "How to Fail" is a somewhat lovable/somewhat hatable character, but his story and experiences are relatable and shockingly honest.

For girls, if you like Chelsea Handler's kind of humor, you'll really dig this too. Guys, you either know this guy or you are this guy, and either way will find the story hilarious to read. Highly recommended. (That is, recommended for those who are comfortable with swearing and explicitly detailed romantic encounters - don't give it to your grandma.)
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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Sexy comedy! January 8, 2011
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I got this book for Christmas and I was like, "WTF?" It looked kind of stupid and childish, and, you know what? It was. But it was also hilarious. One of the funniest books I've ever read. I'd finished it before my vacation weekend was over. I've read and enjoyed other "fratire" books by Tucker Max, Aaron Karo, and Maddox, but "How to Fail" is my favorite so far. It had a sweet core that the other lacked. And it's smart too. So I'd recommend it to any one looking for a good, smart laugh that's a quick read too.
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33 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars There Are No Vampires in This Book December 16, 2010
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
My wife reads about a hundred books a year. They're all basically the same book- vampires eating warewolves or witches
trying to find love or something like that. Even the covers look the same. Sometimes she even reads a book she's already read by accident. Maybe she's crazy. Or maybe the bulk of books out there are bland, unmemorable bowls of oatmeal. How to Fail is NOT a book you'll forget you read.

I was first introduced to the author through his blog (theviceblog.com) as I was searching for beer reviews. Most beer review sites consisted of a pretentious dude who tasted 20-30 different things in every beer. They were all the same- 'cept for The Vice Blog- it had a crazy way of mixing a beer review with some real life anecdote. It was original and I spent about three hours one night (after a few fine ales, natch) browsing the "Best Of" page. How to Fail is the same thing- Original. It has a feel to it like your buddy is telling you hilarious stories over beers at the local watering hole. But beyond the humor and cynicism is some really good observations about life and human nature. It actually gives you some things to think about.

If you want to read a book that's exactly like the last one you read maybe How to Fail isn't for you. But if you want something that's memorable and different, pick up a copy.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Hilarious, yet intelligent, ... a must read satire on life

I have not read a book quite like this one, and was pleasantly surprised at how different, yet funny and intelligent a book "How to Fail" is, inspite of all it's foul language. I did not want to put it down even when I finished it. It's as if Goldfarb is taking possible real life situations of his own life, and putting the narrating main character, Stu, even deeper into those hilarious circumstances. Having lived in New York City many years, and being in a professional job, yet struggling to live a good life, I particularly enjoyed his detailing explicit lists of what neighbors, landlords, and apartments in New York are often like for many. Again, I found myself thoroughly enjoying Stu's humorous take on living in the big city. I also found the chapter on how to fail your parents quite enlightening and incredibly funny. I could go on and on, and talk about the many other hilarious chapters about Stu's work and love life; just get the book. You will love it.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Still not sure.... October 10, 2012
By gmt
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
wavered between two and three stars for this book. I finished it, but was not sure after reading the ending, if I should have. Another book that I am very glad was a free download. Don't know if I would have wanted to pay for it. It had some very funny parts, but most of it jumped around too much. The sexual descriptions and language were quite vulgar. If you don't like crudeness, don't ready this book!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very funny January 10, 2011
Format:Paperback
I'll admit that I rarely read fiction. So I was pleasantly surprised when I picked up this book. We live in a world inundated by "self help" books trying to sell you shortcuts to lose weight, make more money, meet new friends, etc. As if the "magic pill" exists among these pages for only $19.95!

What's great about HTF is its counter-intuitive commentary on the social issues and status quos many of us hold so sacred. HTF pokes fun at them and examines them in a completely new way. Goldfarb is an excellent writer and extremely funny.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Classic Read...Need to Follow Up w/ a Movie February 2, 2011
By MCann
Format:Paperback
Classic read that needs to be followed up with a movie. I had a great time reading it and could not put it down. Look forward to future books from Aaron....Highly recommend everyone purchase the book and tell their friends to do so as well.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars porn
Started out great. 1st third was hilarious then it descended into pornography, why I don't know.
Published 2 months ago by Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Don't quit too early!
A couple of chapters in, I wanted to delete this book and wish its snarky doofus of a narrator an unfond farewell. But I'm glad I didn't. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Ray Anselmo
5.0 out of 5 stars Not a How to, but nice book
I was expecting a satirical How to book, but instead got a good comedy. Would recommend to people who want a light and fun read.
Published 6 months ago by Gustavo Pires
4.0 out of 5 stars a slap to the face
this book is for people who buy 'self help' books over and over and then do nothing with them. i enjoyed his cander and 'this is what i did go the other way' type style
Published 7 months ago by Lisa J. Morgan
2.0 out of 5 stars Not a very good book
It was not a good book.
I was a little bit desapointed.
Maybe i will give it a second look.
Published 8 months ago by Rui Farinha
1.0 out of 5 stars DNF
I very rarely give up on a book before finishing it, but I only made it through a few chapters of this one before I just couldn't take it anymore. Read more
Published 9 months ago by momster
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious!
Been a while since I read it, but as I recall, this book made me laugh out loud more than most books!
Published 9 months ago by Noah Dyer
5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Failure
This book hooks your mind and it does not let go. Even after the final page. I hope he has an other book in the works, cause I am his biggest fan in Oregon.
Published 9 months ago by Dot Berube Blevins
4.0 out of 5 stars Brutal, Edgy and Heroic
There are lots of books out there by authors who profess to be failures at something - life, love, work, commitment, you name it. Read more
Published 11 months ago by Pop Bop
5.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected!
This was an impulse buy. Never did I imagine to connect with a book so much. Goldfarb doesn't sugar-coat ANYTHING. And man, is that refreshing! Read more
Published 13 months ago by gena miller
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More About the Author

Aaron Goldfarb is the author of the satirical novel HOW TO FAIL: THE SELF-HURT GUIDE, the world's first self-hurt guide, the opposite of a self-help guide. He also has a short story collection about the sexes, sex, and sexiness in New York, THE CHEAT SHEET, and a collection of essays called DRUNK DRINKING. He is also a screenwriter for television and film.

Visit him at aarongoldfarb.com, chat with him at aaron@aarongoldfarb.com, or follow him on twitter.com/aarongoldfarb

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