Requirements for Flirting:
- Self Love
- A Positive Attitude
- Ability To Be Natural
- Resolve Pain
- Effective Communication
- Confidence
- A Sense Of Humor
- Appropriate Behavior
- A Friendly Attitude
- A Smile
Self Love
You cannot give what you do not have. If you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to? We treat others the way we treat ourselves. When we are understanding, forgiving, and loving to ourselves, we will treat others the same way. An emotionally healthy person will respond to a person who has self love.
Conversely, those who lack self love are needy and express it through inappropriate and possessive behavior. You cannot tell a baby too many times how much you love him, and you can not tell yourself too many times how much you love you. It may seem awkward or unnatural if this is a new concept for you.
This workbook will demonstrate how to incorporate self love into your life with the use of affirmations, visualizations and conviction statements.
A Positive Attitude
"I don't sing because I'm happy, I'm happy because I sing." Studies show that feelings follow actions. We can do things that make us happy, that can make us feel better, that don't cost a lot of money or alter our state of consciousness. If it feels good, do it (within reason).
Although it is crucial to never deny the negative, we don't always have to share it. I learned that the hard way. My problem was that I was painfully honest. I gave far more information than was necessary, and more than anyone probably wanted to know. When someone asks how you are, you can respond with; OK, not too bad, all right, or good. None of these responses are lies. If you are functioning without life support systems, all of those expletives could apply for the moment.
- Maintain a positive attitude - Don't fake it - Share only positive information - Do those things that make you feel good!
I disagree with the theory that faking a good attitude works just as well as having one. Faking anything reinforces distrust in yourself and others. You know if you are lying or if you negatively manipulate other people. If you feel you have to fake being an interesting, happy and good person, then you must believe you are a boring, sad, bad person. This is not a good message for your self esteem.
Emotionally healthy people will figure that out too. Be positive and honest. Not only will you like yourself better, you will attract the same kind of people into your life.
Be Natural
The ability to be natural evolves from knowing yourself, loving yourself and feeling secure knowing you are a valuable person. When you are secure with yourself you don't seek approval.
If we worry about what others think about us, we alter our behavior to accommodate them. Ultimately we simply respond to others and lose sight of who we are. Once we start to play this game, we put ourselves on a treadmill, depleting our self esteem.
A personal example:
As I was growing up I can't count how many times I heard my mother say "What would the neighbors think!" I didn't understand why the neighbors were so important, but to me, my mother was everything, and if it mattered to her it mattered to me. So, I began to wonder, What DO the neighbors think!
As I grew older, I began to realize it's impossible to know what the neighbors think, besides, they all think differently. No one could please all of them. Finally, I decided, who cares what the neighbors think!
As social beings, we conform, and to a point, what others think does influence our behavior. Ultimately, it's what we think of ourself that really matters, and that is the essence of our expression.
Resolve Pain
The ability to resolve pain frees you from having to carry around excess baggage. Unfortunately, none of us are without pain. We usually don't know when it's going to happen to us, or to what degree. All we know is how we have perceived our experience and how we are dealing with it at the moment.
When there is a subject that is so painful it causes us to shut down, our ability to communicate effectively is greatly diminished. We cannot make every negative experience a positive one. We cannot pretend the pain is not real, nor can we deny the reality of our experience.
What we can do is address the issue, realize our sensitivity to it, and plan several responses that are non-offensive to others, yet feel OK to us. When we are uncomfortable, we inadvertently cause tension for those around us. If we make people uncomfortable, they will avoid us.
Although you may not be ready to resolve your pain, you can prepare yourself so that when a sensitive subject comes up, you are equipped with responses that will carry you through without any obvious set backs.
Effective Communication
The way we let People know that we like them and would like to get to know them better, is critical in determining our effectiveness. If people frequently seem confused about the information we are conveying we may be giving mixed messages.
In turn, if we are confused about information we receive, it may he necessary for us to assess the way we process information.
By knowing yourself well, and using appropriate body language, listening skills, and techniques to build rapport, you will communicate more effectively in all aspects of life.
Confidence
Confidence is the messenger that gets your point across. If you lack confidence your message will be weak and may not even be received at the other end.
Knowing yourself and practicing self love can increase your confidence level.
A Sense of Humor
A sense of humor is something we are all born with, just as we are born with a sense of smell, taste and our other senses. Therefore, we can develop a sense of humor and fine tune it as the wine connoisseur develops a taste for fine wine. Looking for humor in a situation takes effort, but with practice it can become automatic. Being able to laugh at yourself rather than beat yourself up for the stupid things you may do, takes forgiveness.
Lighten up, you'll feel better.
Appropriate Behavior
While some people complain that they push others away because they come on too strong, others lament that they go unnoticed. I call this; too hard, too soft ... just right.
Coming on too strong is often aggressive behavior caused by a combination of defense mechanisms. The reasons we use defense mechanisms may include a lack of self esteem and a need to be noticed and appreciated.
Being too soft is passive behavior also caused by lack of self esteem, and a need to be protected. Most of us fall somewhere in between the aggressive and passive behavior. Sometimes we may vacillate depending on the circumstances. The more consistent we are with our behavior, the more we can trust ourselves to be assertive in most situations.
Be Friendly
We respond positively to people if we believe they like us. When we think someone isn't friendly, what we're really feeling is that they don't like us. We can consciously take steps to be friendlier and have fun with it. Positively manipulating people is a win - win situation. Making people feel good makes you feel good too.
Smile
Smiling actually changes the chemistry in your body in a positive way. Entire books have been written on the healing power of laughter. Smiling doesn't cost anything and it's something you can practice.
I hve in the foothills of Denver, and I spend a lot of time in my car getting anywhere. So, I practice smiling. People driving by don't know what I'm smiling about. I could be listening to something funny on the radio. Besides, they probably aren't looking at me anyway, as they are busy getting where they have to go.
I want you to practice smiling too. At first you'll feel pretty silly, which will make you smile and even laugh. After a short time you'll see how easy it is.
