After counseling over 15,000 clients--mostly on relationships, I stopped counting and started thinking about the endless questions that were all too often the same problems all over the world. Men and women of all classes and financial conditions walk around in a delusion that they know what makes relationships work--and yet we have a divorce rate in the U.S. Alone that hovers consistently at around 50%. That is half of all "committed relationships" that have signed a contract binding themselves. Add to this the
billions of failed relationships (the ones that never get to marriage) and we have proof that we are doing this dating thing all wrong.
The truth of what works is far simpler than buying this car, or working for this company, or making this much money. It comes down to finding the guy YOU WANT, the one who can make you all squishy inside, and accept your love and support in return. The man that makes you excited to be with him (in a relationship) and is loyal and interested in you as well. There is no "magic voodoo" involved in getting this. It comes down to starting with good ingredients and making the right recipe. Don't expect the guys who check you out every day to know the answers and to come up with the path to happiness on their own. Waiting for a prince is a sure-fire way to end up married to a frog. YOU NEED A PLAN.
This book was written to get you from wherever you are now to where you want to be--and to get the men in your life to help you get there. So, what does it take? Every successful relationship has to have what I call the four C's. I have been yapping about this for two decades now, so if you have heard it before, just grin and bear it as I detail it out again: First, you must have chemistry. No chemistry and the best you will ever get are "friends," and more than likely boring ones you just don't feel any real connection to, no matter how logical it is that you should hang out together. Chemistry is addressed in the book so I will not belabor the point here. Next you need compatibility. This may sound easy enough, but it is too easy to overlook when intoxicated by someone's hotness (or just intoxicated). The early stages of relationships see one or both parties
(or all three if you are into that kinky stuff!) on their best behavior, and allowing seeming minor inconveniences and miscues to pass by because of the emotional drug of "new love." Forgiveness is easy and everything is funny and cute and endearing. This is good--don't change it, but before you get completely entangled, emotionally or financially, you really need to know what you are getting into and with whom. In the book I have created a set of check-lists to keep yourself in control of your new relationship(s) and able to
see what the men in your life really bring to the table. Before you end up head over heels for a serial killer, abusive jerk, or deadbeat, these short lists will help you see right through the guys in your life and you will know which ones are best for you, and which ones need to be kept at arm's length. This method is so easy you won't believe it until you catch yourself moments before falling for the guy who will ruin your life. Then this book will be worth its weight in diamonds to you.
So we have basic chemistry (the glue that holds us together) and compatibility. We actually like each other. Well now what? We need to communicate. This is not at all as hard as it is made out to be. The trick is to establish early on the communication patterns you will have with ALL the guys in your life. This includes things like honesty (how much you give, and realistically how much you expect from the guy), and how much time you two spend together when you are not having sex. Communication is more than just the words you two pass back and forth. Also, will you put up with a guy who bosses you around? Maybe that is a requirement for you. Do you prefer a man who is in control and takes responsibility for the world around him or are you more independent and autonomous? These are simple things about yourself you can answer easily, but should know when being seduced by a man, or when you are pursuing someone. The patterns you establish in the first month of interaction will help you find out VERY QUICKLY what type of personality disorders you are dealing with, and whether these are acceptable to you or not.
Lastly we need compassion. Compassion, and its sister consideration are hailed as virtues that we all enjoy and respect, but in the real world they are given out to those prettier than us, wealthier than us, more powerful, or more popular. They are traded as favors so we can "get something" in return. In a successful relationship, competition has to take the bus home and compassion and consideration have to take its seat (competition naturally takes up two seats, three if you let it stretch out). Competition in a relationship eats it from the inside, and it is far too common. It is the one bad "C" of the bunch.
These are just the basic necessities of a healthy relationship and this book was designed to help you find them and GET THEM
in your life. If you want to keep experiencing frustration with men while other women dance through life having their needs attended to then ignore this book. But if you would rather spend your time and energy focusing on what YOU WANT in life, chasing your passions, dreams, and bringing value to the world (and being hated by other women for "having it all") this is the book for you. You are helping the fight against breast cancer just by reading it--how easy is that? (see the front cover). But the point of this book is to infect your mind with techniques that work. These have been used for countless generations by women who have lived happy, fulfilled lives. It is my deepest hope that you find your personal happiness. To that end I wrote this book. Other than that, it really is up to you. Life is shorter than you think. If you do not decide what you want and get the men in your life to help you get it, you are on your own. Good luck!