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How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back Paperback


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How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back + Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships + Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan (February 14, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310262658
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310262657
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (70 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,437 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Geared for the reported 3.5 million evangelical Christian singles in America, this guide by Cloud-author of the bestselling Boundaries series of relationship books-offers sound advice on the dating game. Some of his tenets may take Christian readers by surprise: he asserts, for example, that there's no one Mr. or Ms. Right for each person, and that people should stop waiting around for a dream individual to sweep them off their feet. ("God guides and provides," Cloud states, "but he also requires us to do our part.") He also asserts that dating is not just a precursor to marriage, disagreeing with those Christians who refuse to date unless they glimpse a tiered wedding cake at the end of the rainbow. Non-serious dating, Cloud writes, is an essential step in the process of eventually finding a mate, because it teaches people what they need and want through trial and error. Cloud unveils a whole program for "getting out there" in the dating world: singles should keep a log of all the eligible people they meet; go places where other singles go (Cloud calls this "changing your traffic pattern"); consider joining a dating service; and forget the "love at first sight" myth. He even suggests dating non-Christians-which will raise some evangelical eyebrows-while repeating his proviso that dating is not marriage. Most of the book's examples are of women seeking men, but all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

'...offers sound advice on the dating game....all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual.' -- '...offers sound advice on the dating game....all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual.' (PW Religion Bookline)

More About the Author

Dr. Cloud is a leadership consultant, best-selling author, and speaker whose books have sold well over 5 million copies. He consults and speaks for companies and organizations in the area of leadership and performance, and is highly regarded for his ability to connect personal and interpersonal development with the needs of business.
He is a clinical psychologist and leadership consultant with a unique ability to connect with audiences. Drawing upon his broad range of experiences in private practice, leadership consulting, and media, he simplifies life's issues and gives easy to understand, practical advice. It's Dr. Cloud's humor, compassion and "in the moment" confrontation that make his approach to psychology, business and spirituality such a success.
Dr. Cloud has written, or co-written, more than twenty books, including the two-million-seller Boundaries and his most recent books, Necessary Endings, Integrity, The One Life Solution, The Law of Happiness and 9 Things You Simply Must Do. His books have sold over five million copies. His works have been reviewed and featured by such publications as The New York Times, The Wall St. Journal, The Boston Globe, The Los Angeles Times and many others. Dr. Cloud co-hosts the nationally syndicated radio program New Life Live, which is heard in over 180 markets.
As a speaker, he is a favorite at corporate events, conventions, and public arena events on a variety of topics, speaking regularly through the U.S. and internationally.
In his consulting practice, he works with leaders in a wide range of organizations and corporations, from family help firms to Fortune 25 and Fortune 500 companies. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as an organizational and leadership consultant, spending the majority of his hands-on time with CEOs and executive teams.
Dr. Cloud founded and built a health care company which operated treatment centers in forty markets in the Western U.S. for which he served as Clinical Director for ten years. In that context of hands-on clinical experience, he developed and researched many of the treatment principles and methods that he communicates to audiences now. After selling the company, he devoted his time to consulting and coaching, spreading principles of hope and life-change through speaking, writing and media.
He is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, earning a B.S. in psychology with honors. He completed his Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Biola University, and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in the area of homelessness and the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

Customer Reviews

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This book is an outstanding read.
Martin D. Reiswig
This is the first book I have read by Dr. Cloud and found his mix of psychological and biblical advice insightful and interesting.
Heidi E. Brizendine
This book positively changed my outlook on dating.
Danami

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

125 of 142 people found the following review helpful By Paul Downs on April 7, 2007
Format: Paperback
Let me explain the way I date according to the book How to Find a Date worth Keeping. I have relatively recently changed somewhat the style of dating because of reading this book as well as Boundaries and Boundaries in Dating. Also,a visit to a Christian counselor to some extent and the book Safe People had some influence too.

Because of what I've learned about human nature (as well as super nature), there is a need to establish that the one you are with is able to delay gratification long enough to separate lust from love so that both people can objectively learn about each other. This takes a time period much longer than the traditional length of time to accomplish. Cloud and Townsend (the authors) suggest that anything less than a year is probably too soon to be talking about a truly committed relationship. They go on to say that 2 to 3 years is not an unreasonable time. They also say that it depends a bit on individual pace.

I used to focus on one woman at a time in the traditional way of dating until she or I decided we were no longer compatible, then move on or decide on being "friends". Now I casually date for a much longer period, dating a few women concurrently, to see which of those can hang in there with me in order to really get to know me, among other reasons.

(I'll stop here to clarify a definition. I think our world has two meanings for "casual dating" One meaning is as I have used it above - dating to get to know someone keeping the boundaries of physical interaction at a bare minimum initially.

The second meaning is quite the opposite and that is >>go out/have sex/repeat with different partner with a cavalier attitude.

When I use this term "casual dating" I'm using the first definition always.
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181 of 208 people found the following review helpful By Nicodemus Chan on February 5, 2006
Format: Paperback
Perhaps one of the things in a church culture is that there isn't enough mentorship from parents or from the church on proper dating.

One of the biggest and most misleading ideas implied in church culture or propagated in books are:

a) Just wait, God will provide for you a mate.

b) If you are spiritual enough, and seek God earnestly, God will give you the best. Don't settle for second best.

With that two statements, it misleads people who are seriously looking for a mate.

First, because of that a lot of people just sit around waiting for a life-partner to drop out of mid-air into their lives.

God certainly does provide, he provides the birds of the air food, but still the bird must look for the worm. God gave the Israelites the land, but they still had to go in and fight for it. It was not passive inactivity that won the day. God does his part, we must do ours.

Next, what is this idea of "second best"? If A was meant for B but instead marries C this will cause a chain reaction where B marries D which leads to E who was supposed to marry D to marry F and so on... So with just one choice, we cause the whole universe held together by God to crash? Even Microsoft Windows performs better than that!

So we end up with a lot of singles in church, waiting and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... just waiting... perhaps one of them thinks that she must serve God more or perhaps she wasn't spiritual enough.

So she volunteers... for the children's ministry. Good luck in increasing her odds of finding someone there.

Which leads to another thought. Before the invention of the automobile, most people married within a radius of 2 miles from where they lived.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Marc Swikull on April 10, 2009
Format: Paperback
Reading this book may save you from wrecking your dating life, loneliness, and lack of growth.

Henry Cloud approaches dating with sound, practical, Biblical wisdom:

(1.) Don't go it alone. (Instead, find a community of healthy Christians that can give you feedback, advice, encouragement, and provide some accountability in your dating life. The bottom line: We all have emotional, spiritual, psychological brokenness, and it frequently comes out in our relationships. Get some support!)

(2.) Revise your expectations. (Dating is not just about finding a mate. It's about growing in your understanding of your self, others, relationships, preferences, etc.)

(3.) Be systematic, but avoid artificial dating games. (Rather, be as healthy as you can be, and _be yourself_. Continue in the process of healing through dating by paying attention to your self (your feelings, your thoughts, your actions and reactions) and take back the results to your community.)

I can't recommend this book enough, especially for those who may have missed out on some of the growth-producing dating experiences people have in high school and college, or for anyone who's ready for a more practical approach to dating and spiritual growth.
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32 of 38 people found the following review helpful By Avid Reader on December 19, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I first read this book almost two years and posted a glowing review for it. As time as passed, I met many women, lost one, and now got engaged, my view of this book has become more negative. My biggest issue of recent is that he tells people (mostly women) to play the field more. That's great. But he doesn't spend enough time talking about fear of commitment, which us men have issues with. I used his book to avoid commitment, and lost a lady I really liked. When I went back to this book two years later, I noticed I didn't even highlight or make any notes in that section. So I wish he had made a bigger deal of that issue, especially for men.

I also think he should say something about long distance relationships, and that the only way to make them work is by face to face contact. Avoiding face to face because you are dating around is a terrible mistake. One has to get IN or OUT, but not in the middle. I also wish he had spent more time talking about breaking up.

What follows is the rest of the review I wrote originally.

When I first read this book, I thought it was more for women than men. As I read more, I enjoyed how he dug deep into the root of our own dating issues. Within the Christian dating, I observe many bad habits that people think are rooted in the Bible. For example, waiting on God, to which Cloud says, he hopes you like the UPS man. Instead he takes the position that you need to meet 5 people a week and then lays out many of the excuses people make, excuses that cover up our own issues. He further shows the reader how to evaluate these people. His underlying thesis is that dating is not about marriage, but about learning what you like and don't like, and dealing with your own issues before you get married.
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