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How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Personal Success Paperback – April 5, 2000


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How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Personal Success + What You Feel, You Can Heal: A Guide for Enriching Relationships + Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial; Reprint edition (April 5, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060932155
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060932152
  • Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (102 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #282,403 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

What you want materially and what you want spiritually are both important, says John Gray, Ph.D., in How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have. "Wanting more is the nature of our soul, mind, heart, and senses," he says. As an antidote of sorts to the sometimes overly strict books of late that advocate a life of utter simplicity, he concedes that it's okay to want a big promotion or fancy car. It's also noble to want a solid spiritual life and to want to be at peace with yourself. However, he says, you need to recognize and work on the many self-defeating behaviors that may be thwarting your chances for reaching your goals. In fact, he identifies 24 typical stumbling blocks to look for.

How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have is perfect for the ostensibly successful businesspeople who can't explain why they're miserable, or people who blame their partners for their miseries instead of looking inward. It's filled with anecdotes and tools to help you achieve a fuller sense of identity. Gray says that one of the most important steps to reaching this level of self-awareness is meditation, and Gray gives dozens of stepping-off points for meditation exercises to help you ascertain what exactly it is that you want, and how to remove any obstacles--whether external or internal. Take it from a man who used to be so ascetic that he was rendered homeless but now has achieved a strong sense of self and has managed to write nine bestselling books: both spiritual and material success are within your grasp. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

In this work, Gray moves beyond his popular Mars/Venus gender insights (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Audio Reviews, LJ 12/98) and looks at the total person. He believes successful people experience unhappiness because they are cut off from their essential, unique selves by blocked emotions. He also posits that people who are not connected with the inevitable negative emotions associated with identifying desires cannot prosper materially. Finding and maintaining one's authentic self and allowing it to manifest its desires allow material success to flow into a person's life and enhance happiness. While little of this is new to those familiar with Deepak Chopra, Suze Orman, and others, Gray's insights and exercises will prove useful for those who want to take responsibility for their own happiness and success. Gray's delivery is that of a skilled lecturer rather than a person reading from a text. Listeners who have access only to the abridged readings will need to follow up with the book or this set to obtain details for the concepts and techniques. Therefore, libraries that can afford the unabridged work should purchase it. Expect demand; highly recommended.AKathleen Sullivan, Phoenix P.L.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

This book, however, seems just the thing for me.
Cladinoro
I've recommended it to several friends already and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for personal success and happiness(just about everyone!).
"xu-xu"
The tools and insights from this book can help anyone and everyone to attain maximum enjoyment in life.
Simon Halliday

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

31 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Ms Diva on July 18, 2002
Format: Hardcover
I expected to hate this book. I got it for free because a box of books was donated to my office for our garage sale (we're a non profit agency). Surprisingly, I generally thought the book was pretty good.
Despite the fact that the phrase "love tank" is corny, Gray's point is a good one. He is trying to show people that true happiness and success isn't measured through the external trappings of wealth -- without an inner life, and an inner sense of worth, people will constantly try to fill up their emptiness with stuff. And all the "stuff" in the world won't make up for what is lacking in good relationships, a sense of emotional well being, spiritual development, and community. I agree with him there.
I don't however, necessarily accept that you need all ten types of love to be happy. I do know people who don't have a romantic partner who are quite satisfied with their lives. Same with people who don't have children. The latter especially didn't fit for me -- Gray argues that being an aunt or belonging to something like Big Sisters won't fill you; you actually have to be a parent or have a pet, because otherwise you aren't experiencing enough responsibility. In Western culture that may be true. In other cultures, like mine (I'm of Eastern European descent) aunts and uncles view their nieces and nephews as being like their own. I certain do with my little niece. So it isn't as simple as Gray puts it.
Oversimplification is the biggest drawback of this book, and the reason I didn't give it five stars. There isn't a whole lot in the book that's particularly new. The letter writing techniques he describes can be found in other Gray books. There is a wealth of material on meditiation on the market.
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22 of 22 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 23, 1999
Format: Hardcover
I enjoyed this book immensely and recommend it to everyone interested in making the most of their life. I've read a lot of self-help books on how to attain success through various steps, but this one truly addresses what it takes to get what you want. I learned that life's not about getting more and more -- it's about appreciating what you have and also making it okay to go for more. It tells how to break through emotional blocks, something that I saw John Gray do on his Oprah Personal Success series that aired in the Fall. If a person puts into practice what Dr. Gray suggests, good results will happen, I have no doubt. It's already happening in my life. This is no doubt the best investment in a book that I've ever made.
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Real Screenwriter on July 13, 2001
Format: Hardcover
This is a great book with really usable, practical advice on dealing with (Gray calls it "processing") feelings and getting beyond the blocks that keep us from being happy. It's not mumbo-jumbo, it's real-world stuff.
If you're angry at your boss, for example, Gray shows you how to go "back in time" and deal with the anger at your father for abandoning the family, or whatever your case is. Instead of staying immobilized by negative emotions, Gray shows you how to work through them, feel them and then move on.
Most importantly, he shows you how to really WANT what you want--how to be passionate and say, "That's for me," rather than being afraid to feel your goals. This is a really valuable lesson, at least for me.
I've read this book twice. The first time I basically blew off the methods Gray teaches, thinking, "It's too much trouble." The second time I was ready to learn, and it really helped me reach my goals and deal with some problem areas in my life.
Self-help books come in every variety from awful to incredible. This is one of the incredible ones, in my opinion, but only if you're willing to do the work to fix things. Nothing works in a vaccuum, and nothing gets done without effort.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Cathy Goodwin TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on March 20, 2003
Format: Paperback
I picked up this book inadvertently -- and was well-rewarded. While many popular books turn out to be fluff, this one has solid, original guidance.
Best section: obstacles. I've never seen such a useful guide to overcoming blocks. Gray identifies the top fifteen blocks and follows up with guides to letting go. Underlying blame is betrayal -- and blame is healed by anger. Wow!
And so on for the other blocks.
Another gem: When you're missing unconditional love and support, a therapist may help. When you want friendly support, better to have dinner with a group of friends. Sounds simplistic, and maybe it is, but there's no denying that some people do well with therapy, coaching and counseling while others say, "What's the big deal?" Gray's point may explain a lot.
Definitely on my "must read" list.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 24, 1999
Format: Hardcover
This book unveils powerful, yet simple truths about life how to get what we want. It can quickly strip away self-created, unconscious blocks to achieving personal success. Dr. Gray reveals, in an easy-to-read manner, practical steps and information that propels one into a new realm of awareness and experience. I am shocked at just how effective these exercises can be!! Since this book and his seminar, I can hardly keep up with the new opportunities available to me. The book suggests valuable guidelines for the inner work that has brought tremendous peace and love in my life. My dreams always seemed like "pie in the sky", just out of reach, but now they are coming true. Hats off to Dr. Gray for sharing his astounding wisdom with us once again.
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