How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have [Paperback]

John Gray (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 4, 2001

Western therapies combine with Eastern meditation to give a proven method for becoming happy, confident and content by taking five basic steps: identify blocks to your personal success; understand your soul's desire; release negative emotions; identify needs and take action; make decisions daily.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

What you want materially and what you want spiritually are both important, says John Gray, Ph.D., in How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have. "Wanting more is the nature of our soul, mind, heart, and senses," he says. As an antidote of sorts to the sometimes overly strict books of late that advocate a life of utter simplicity, he concedes that it's okay to want a big promotion or fancy car. It's also noble to want a solid spiritual life and to want to be at peace with yourself. However, he says, you need to recognize and work on the many self-defeating behaviors that may be thwarting your chances for reaching your goals. In fact, he identifies 24 typical stumbling blocks to look for.

How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have is perfect for the ostensibly successful businesspeople who can't explain why they're miserable, or people who blame their partners for their miseries instead of looking inward. It's filled with anecdotes and tools to help you achieve a fuller sense of identity. Gray says that one of the most important steps to reaching this level of self-awareness is meditation, and Gray gives dozens of stepping-off points for meditation exercises to help you ascertain what exactly it is that you want, and how to remove any obstacles--whether external or internal. Take it from a man who used to be so ascetic that he was rendered homeless but now has achieved a strong sense of self and has managed to write nine bestselling books: both spiritual and material success are within your grasp. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

In this work, Gray moves beyond his popular Mars/Venus gender insights (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Audio Reviews, LJ 12/98) and looks at the total person. He believes successful people experience unhappiness because they are cut off from their essential, unique selves by blocked emotions. He also posits that people who are not connected with the inevitable negative emotions associated with identifying desires cannot prosper materially. Finding and maintaining one's authentic self and allowing it to manifest its desires allow material success to flow into a person's life and enhance happiness. While little of this is new to those familiar with Deepak Chopra, Suze Orman, and others, Gray's insights and exercises will prove useful for those who want to take responsibility for their own happiness and success. Gray's delivery is that of a skilled lecturer rather than a person reading from a text. Listeners who have access only to the abridged readings will need to follow up with the book or this set to obtain details for the concepts and techniques. Therefore, libraries that can afford the unabridged work should purchase it. Expect demand; highly recommended.AKathleen Sullivan, Phoenix P.L.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 316 pages
• Publisher: Vermilion; First Edition edition (January 4, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0091851262
• ISBN-13: 978-0091851262
• Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.8 x 7.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (97 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,093,415 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Probably 3 and a half., July 18, 2002

By 

Ms Diva "cycworker" (Nanaimo, B.C. Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Personal Success (Hardcover)

I expected to hate this book. I got it for free because a box of books was donated to my office for our garage sale (we're a non profit agency). Surprisingly, I generally thought the book was pretty good.

Despite the fact that the phrase "love tank" is corny, Gray's point is a good one. He is trying to show people that true happiness and success isn't measured through the external trappings of wealth -- without an inner life, and an inner sense of worth, people will constantly try to fill up their emptiness with stuff. And all the "stuff" in the world won't make up for what is lacking in good relationships, a sense of emotional well being, spiritual development, and community. I agree with him there.

I don't however, necessarily accept that you need all ten types of love to be happy. I do know people who don't have a romantic partner who are quite satisfied with their lives. Same with people who don't have children. The latter especially didn't fit for me -- Gray argues that being an aunt or belonging to something like Big Sisters won't fill you; you actually have to be a parent or have a pet, because otherwise you aren't experiencing enough responsibility. In Western culture that may be true. In other cultures, like mine (I'm of Eastern European descent) aunts and uncles view their nieces and nephews as being like their own. I certain do with my little niece. So it isn't as simple as Gray puts it.

Oversimplification is the biggest drawback of this book, and the reason I didn't give it five stars. There isn't a whole lot in the book that's particularly new. The letter writing techniques he describes can be found in other Gray books. There is a wealth of material on meditiation on the market. So if you read alot of self-help, some of the material in this book might seem redundant. This fact makes the book, which is about 310 pages, seem even longer than that.

Gray has a chapter that talks about different crisises at various life stages. Although he doesn't make the comparision, this chapter is reminiscent of Erik Erikson's eight stages of man. Had Gray referred to Erikson, this chapter might've had more weight. I was also frustrated because I know, as someone who's taken developmental psychology, that some of the life stages he mentions (mid life, retirement) have been shown in some studies to not result in crisis for a number of people. He makes no allusions to any evidence or research that might contradict his beliefs. In general, I was disappointed by the lack of references to other authors who share similar ideas.

I did find that his chapters on identifying and addressing the twelve blocks were really useful for me. I can also see myself journalling with some of the questions he gives in Ch. 17 to help the reader explore their past. Some of the suggested meditations are pretty good, too. So overall, there is some material in the book I could see myself referring to in the future, either for my own personal work, or to help a client. If you like Gray, and/or you want to learn to deal with your emotions more effectively, I'd say that this book is worth reading.

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great insights given on how to break thru blocks to success., February 23, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Personal Success (Hardcover)

I enjoyed this book immensely and recommend it to everyone interested in making the most of their life. I've read a lot of self-help books on how to attain success through various steps, but this one truly addresses what it takes to get what you want. I learned that life's not about getting more and more -- it's about appreciating what you have and also making it okay to go for more. It tells how to break through emotional blocks, something that I saw John Gray do on his Oprah Personal Success series that aired in the Fall. If a person puts into practice what Dr. Gray suggests, good results will happen, I have no doubt. It's already happening in my life. This is no doubt the best investment in a book that I've ever made.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Goofy Title, Good Book, July 13, 2001

By 

Real Screenwriter (Little Rock, AR USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Personal Success (Hardcover)

This is a great book with really usable, practical advice on dealing with (Gray calls it "processing") feelings and getting beyond the blocks that keep us from being happy. It's not mumbo-jumbo, it's real-world stuff.

If you're angry at your boss, for example, Gray shows you how to go "back in time" and deal with the anger at your father for abandoning the family, or whatever your case is. Instead of staying immobilized by negative emotions, Gray shows you how to work through them, feel them and then move on.

Most importantly, he shows you how to really WANT what you want--how to be passionate and say, "That's for me," rather than being afraid to feel your goals. This is a really valuable lesson, at least for me.

I've read this book twice. The first time I basically blew off the methods Gray teaches, thinking, "It's too much trouble." The second time I was ready to learn, and it really helped me reach my goals and deal with some problem areas in my life.

Self-help books come in every variety from awful to incredible. This is one of the incredible ones, in my opinion, but only if you're willing to do the work to fix things. Nothing works in a vaccuum, and nothing gets done without effort.