Customer Reviews

How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have

5 star:		(51)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(27)

 

 

I expected to hate this book. I got it for free because a box of books was donated to my office for our garage sale (we're a non profit agency). Surprisingly, I generally thought the book was pretty good.

Despite the fact that the phrase "love tank" is corny, Gray's point is a good one. He is trying to show people that true happiness and success isn't measured through the external trappings of wealth -- without an inner life, and an inner sense of worth, people will constantly try to fill up their emptiness with stuff. And all the "stuff" in the world won't make up for what is lacking in good relationships, a sense of emotional well being, spiritual development, and community. I agree with him there.

I don't however, necessarily accept that you need all ten types of love to be happy. I do know people who don't have a romantic partner who are quite satisfied with their lives. Same with people who don't have children. The latter especially didn't fit for me -- Gray argues that being an aunt or belonging to something like Big Sisters won't fill you; you actually have to be a parent or have a pet, because otherwise you aren't experiencing enough responsibility. In Western culture that may be true. In other cultures, like mine (I'm of Eastern European descent) aunts and uncles view their nieces and nephews as being like their own. I certain do with my little niece. So it isn't as simple as Gray puts it.

Oversimplification is the biggest drawback of this book, and the reason I didn't give it five stars. There isn't a whole lot in the book that's particularly new. The letter writing techniques he describes can be found in other Gray books. There is a wealth of material on meditiation on the market. So if you read alot of self-help, some of the material in this book might seem redundant. This fact makes the book, which is about 310 pages, seem even longer than that.

Gray has a chapter that talks about different crisises at various life stages. Although he doesn't make the comparision, this chapter is reminiscent of Erik Erikson's eight stages of man. Had Gray referred to Erikson, this chapter might've had more weight. I was also frustrated because I know, as someone who's taken developmental psychology, that some of the life stages he mentions (mid life, retirement) have been shown in some studies to not result in crisis for a number of people. He makes no allusions to any evidence or research that might contradict his beliefs. In general, I was disappointed by the lack of references to other authors who share similar ideas.

I did find that his chapters on identifying and addressing the twelve blocks were really useful for me. I can also see myself journalling with some of the questions he gives in Ch. 17 to help the reader explore their past. Some of the suggested meditations are pretty good, too. So overall, there is some material in the book I could see myself referring to in the future, either for my own personal work, or to help a client. If you like Gray, and/or you want to learn to deal with your emotions more effectively, I'd say that this book is worth reading.

I enjoyed this book immensely and recommend it to everyone interested in making the most of their life. I've read a lot of self-help books on how to attain success through various steps, but this one truly addresses what it takes to get what you want. I learned that life's not about getting more and more -- it's about appreciating what you have and also making it okay to go for more. It tells how to break through emotional blocks, something that I saw John Gray do on his Oprah Personal Success series that aired in the Fall. If a person puts into practice what Dr. Gray suggests, good results will happen, I have no doubt. It's already happening in my life. This is no doubt the best investment in a book that I've ever made.

This is a great book with really usable, practical advice on dealing with (Gray calls it "processing") feelings and getting beyond the blocks that keep us from being happy. It's not mumbo-jumbo, it's real-world stuff.

If you're angry at your boss, for example, Gray shows you how to go "back in time" and deal with the anger at your father for abandoning the family, or whatever your case is. Instead of staying immobilized by negative emotions, Gray shows you how to work through them, feel them and then move on.

Most importantly, he shows you how to really WANT what you want--how to be passionate and say, "That's for me," rather than being afraid to feel your goals. This is a really valuable lesson, at least for me.

I've read this book twice. The first time I basically blew off the methods Gray teaches, thinking, "It's too much trouble." The second time I was ready to learn, and it really helped me reach my goals and deal with some problem areas in my life.

Self-help books come in every variety from awful to incredible. This is one of the incredible ones, in my opinion, but only if you're willing to do the work to fix things. Nothing works in a vaccuum, and nothing gets done without effort.

I picked up this book inadvertently -- and was well-rewarded. While many popular books turn out to be fluff, this one has solid, original guidance.
Best section: obstacles. I've never seen such a useful guide to overcoming blocks. Gray identifies the top fifteen blocks and follows up with guides to letting go. Underlying blame is betrayal -- and blame is healed by anger. Wow!
And so on for the other blocks.

Another gem: When you're missing unconditional love and support, a therapist may help. When you want friendly support, better to have dinner with a group of friends. Sounds simplistic, and maybe it is, but there's no denying that some people do well with therapy, coaching and counseling while others say, "What's the big deal?" Gray's point may explain a lot.

Definitely on my "must read" list.

This book unveils powerful, yet simple truths about life how to get what we want. It can quickly strip away self-created, unconscious blocks to achieving personal success. Dr. Gray reveals, in an easy-to-read manner, practical steps and information that propels one into a new realm of awareness and experience. I am shocked at just how effective these exercises can be!! Since this book and his seminar, I can hardly keep up with the new opportunities available to me. The book suggests valuable guidelines for the inner work that has brought tremendous peace and love in my life. My dreams always seemed like "pie in the sky", just out of reach, but now they are coming true. Hats off to Dr. Gray for sharing his astounding wisdom with us once again.

This book really surprised me. I have not been a fan of Gray's, but I am now. In this new era of energy shifts and higher consciousness, John helps you get through past issues and get on with life! I have read that some think all he talks about is God, and that is simply not true. Yes, he does mention God and devote some writing to it - but what self-changing book would be complete without bringing God into the picture?
This book helped open my eyes to some of my blocks in a very subtle AH-HA way. I also see many of Gray's points in issues my friends and clients are struggling with. If you feel unease and are overwhelmed by the changes in life, this is a good book to help pinpoint some of the root causes and find the solutions.

I listened to this book on audio tapes at the recommendation of a supervisor at work, not knowing what to expect. Boy, was I surprised. The simplicity John Gray uses is the key to absorbing the profound truths he exposes to his audience. I am buying the book now for a permanent reference in my library. The part about the love tanks was just wonderful, and explained things to me I was clueless about before. Too bad some of the negative reviewers can't see the depth and profundity of a work like this. I feel sorry for those who can't zero in and pick out the priceless gems in this book. Little things can make a stupendous impact if you're ready for them. Shalom to you all: "Perfect peace - nothing missing, nothing broken."

John Gray examines the stumbling blocks that keep us from getting what we want in life and how to remove them or rethink what they are and how they affect us. If you have every physical thing that you need but still feel something is missing, then this book is for you. If you think you could be happier if you only had more, then this book is for you. If you think that you have problems that others don't seem to have or that others have created for you, then this book is for you.
He takes an old proverbial saying that happiness is not in "getting what you want but wanting what you get" and he works outward from there. Dealing with many spiritual aspects and techniques to learn to be happy with your life, it is filled with ideas and helpful information.
The emphasis is primarily on prayer and meditation to learn to accept and be happy with your current situation. A good book and a recommended read, but know up front that it is not a guide to getting things, but a spiritual guide to becoming happy with what you have. Not for everyone but I am sure that there are those to which it will be a Godsend.

Over the years, I have read several self-help books to help me figure out why I am stuck and not getting anywhere. Most of them were OK, but they did not quite point in the direction I needed to go. I picked up Gray's book on a whim, and I am happy to say that it is changing my life. The ideas he presents are simple (when you think about them) yet so profound you cannot help but change if you apply them correctly. Most importantly, Gray outlines a plan of action to deal with what is holding you back that is clear, concise, and incredibly powerful.

If you are ready to stop spending time and money spinning around on the self-help carousel and start finally getting on with your life, I would strongly recommend reading this work.

When I first saw the title of this book, I thought it might refer to a tale on tongue twisters, but seeing John Gray's name ensured me it would be far more insightful than any tongue twister. Having read all of Gray's books, this one is outranked only by, "Mars and Venus Starting Over" (my favourite of all Gray's books) and secondly, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

In this book Gray points out the importance of being at peace with one's self, taking strength from your spiritual beliefs, and the importance of meditation in our lives. For me, personally, that spirituality and peace of mind came naturally many years ago through my beliefs in Buddhists philosophies; however, whatever it is you believe in, whatever your own religious beliefs may be, you will find this book has an important message.

The author also writes of many self-defeating behaviours which keep us from obtaining our goals and the fact many of us continutally blame others for our mistakes or failures. I absolutely love Gray's unique writing style, his anecdotes and his philosophical outlook on life. He brings to this book a wealth of priceless knowledge, inspiration and spiritual eenlightment. I have followed the principles Grey outlines here for years, partly through my psychology studies and partly through my Buddhist beliefs. While there is not a "one shoe fits all approach" that will guarantee actually getting what you want and wanting what you have, the concept has certainly worked for me over the years. Yes, there have been trials and tribulations, there are in everyone's life, but my materialistic needs are few and the inner peace, contentment, and personal happiness in my life are abundant. For those who are still searching for what they want in life, and those who are never happy when they get it, I highly recommend this fantastic book both from a psychological and personal perspective. Gray has an extraordinary ability to reach out and touch his readers, providing, of course, the reader has the ability to fully understand and grasp the context of his message. I highly recommend this sagacious, thought provoking book and hopefully, you will be blessed to get what you want in life and want what you have.