Customer Reviews

How to Go to Visitation without Throwing Up

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

A really good piece of work. Doesn't make the child responsible for the actions of the adults. Helps the child identify, understand and deal with the feelings in a hands-on manner. Amazing how it addresses many of the worries children face. Visualizing the big picture of parenting time while recognizing that it takes small steps to get there. Everyone must work hard to accomplish a process made more difficult by the legal system and distance. I have an adult child that faced these challenges and a small child that faces them now. I wish the grown child had had this book. The younger child really enjoyed it.

This book is very well written for kids of all ages. Joshua has written a book that will help many kids going through the life of being bounced around from one parent to parent which is not easy for a child at any age. ...Great job Joshua...

As good a book for parents as for children. This young author adresses the challenges children face and demonstrates how children and their parents inadverntly make things harder. His ideas for understanding and improving things are great.

I enjoyed the pages where Joshua identifes the many dangers in the world (in alphabetical order)including Ants,Avalanche, Baths, Bears, Bees, Burglars, Bombs, Crocodiles, Dogs, Drowning, Earthquake, Flood, Forest Fire, Homework, Hurricane, Kiss, Lightning, Monsters, Quicksand, Sharks, Snakes, Spiders, Stage Fright, Terrorist,, Things Under the Bed, Tornado and the Unknown. He lists where the danger lurks, such as Mountains, Where it is Warm or Everywhere. Then Joshua answers "Can I Get Hurt?" with responses like, No kid has ever died from getting clean. Not Ever. or Stay on paths, don't move logs, don't try to kill or tease snakes.

The pages about the things that worry children (including; the dark, getting sick, not having friends, getting dead, scary movies, tests at school, germs, answering questions in class, bullies, making mistakes, losing my things, AND MORE ...) and how he and his friends cope are WONDERFUL.

Lots of feelings explored in a very positive tone.

Any time you have a book written for children by children, you have a winning combination.
Barbara Donahue
Author, "The Anti-Rules, Now That You've Got Him, How Do You Get Rid Of Him?"

Children of divorce have to deal with a lot of problems that no one else ever experiences. One of the worst is when they have to tear up their lives to go on long visit to the parent they usually don't see.

I thought that How to Go to Visitation without Throwing Up was unusually good for those who have to go by plane alone for visitations.

My step-daughter often flew to Chicago when she was growing up to spend time with her father who had moved there. She adored her step sisters and brothers and always had a good time once she was in Chicago. But the thought of the trip and the return always daunted her. I analyzed this book in terms of how much solace it would have provided to her when she was about 10. I think the book would have been a brilliant resource for her.

The book has several different focuses which include:

1. Things that children wish their divorced parents would do and not do.

2. Things that children wish the other people in their lives would do and not do.

3. Affirmations to deal with fears about visitations and other scary subjects.

4. Advice on how to handle the trip with the most pleasure and least risk.

5. Lists to help organize for the trip.

6. Activities to do while traveling and during the visitation.

7. Solace that others have done this before and survived just fine.

In that sense, this isn't a book designed to be read and memorized from beginning to end. It's more like a book to dip into selectively when one needs objective support. It might especially come in handy when a child cannot reach a parent by telephone to talk about her or his feelings.

I suspect that Joshua Shane Evans' step-mother gave him more than a little assist on this project. I salute her for doing so . . . and doing so without adding her name to the cover. Nice!

Although I'm not a kid and I'm not a custodial parent, I am a grandparent of a child who lives with his mother (my son's ex-wife). My son sees his child often, but we don't, not the way we would if our son and his ex were still married. This situation gave me a unique perspective in reading this book. I knew visitation was hard on my grandson, not because he didn't want to be with his dad or his mom, but because it's hard to be torn in two. It's hard to have two bedrooms and two sets of clothes and two loyalties.

Joshua Shane Evans shows us, in this book, just how hard. So much of what I read was poignant and touching. On Page 10, under the heading "Why Kids Don't Want to Go" he says, "I get left out of a lot of things my friends get to do." And the older a child gets, the harder it is to split time, to leave friends, to get "left out" of what everyone else is doing. Even when you love the non-custodial parent and want to be with him or her.

Much of this well-done book consists of things to do while you're visiting your other parent--things that will take your mind off what you're missing at home and that are fun.

It's a shame kids have to suffer in a divorce, but it's a fact of life. So it's great that there are sensitive, smart kids like Joshua, who has let them know they're not alone.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

I was lucky as a child in that my visitation schedule was relaxed and without conflict. Unfortunately, too many children nowadays are caught between competing and often antagonist families when their parents divorce. 'How To Go To Visitation Without Throwing Up'is an appropriate-sized advice/activities handbook written by a youngster for other kids, and can serve as a handy companion for those times a child has to prepare for a visit to his or her now-divorced parent. The book is chock full of simple, child-friendly advice--including everything from pep talks (it's not your fault if there's tension between your parents) to easy-to-play games to make that plane or train or bus trip less stressful. These include riddles, brain teasers, puzzles, and anagrams. But maybe more important are simple, yet helpful exercises for kids to identify their feelings, hopes, and perceptions about themselves, their families and their situations. These include sample letters to write to family, identifying family conflict that might make you upset and how to deal with them; advice on how to help your parents; clarifying values, etc. These are all written in child-friendly language and in an upbeat format. Unfortunately, kids today live in a complicated world with lots of adults vying for their love and attention, and they too often get caught in the middle. This little book can help children during those potentially stressful moments--perhaps best of all, it can make them understand they are not alone in their situation regardless of the fact that sometimes competing family agendas make them feel that way.

How to Go to Visitation without Throwing Up is an excellent book for any person involved with a child being split between two caregivers/parents. Joshua Shane Evans genuinely shares his split world to benefit his readers. The book offers explanations about why kids don't like visitation, why they need to go and why they may feel sick or empty inside.

When children are affected by adult events, they may feel as if their familiar world is being rubbed out with a giant eraser and a new confusing picture is being drawn. This jewel for children has tons of activities to help children get through traveling time, alone time and thinking time.

How to Go to Visitation without Throwing Up is a therapeutic treat for worried young minds.

Highly recommended for all custody situations, professionals working with children, for parents, and child advocates.


Sherry Russell
Grief Management Consultant
Midwest Book Review

Joshua Evans wrote this book as a pre-teen, and in it he explains (in a very short and succinctly way) the emotions and struggles of being shared between two divorced parents and the ups and downs of being shipped off for visitation. He writes in brief sentences in a way that kids will love: from a child to a child. For example, he has a list of "Things that Make Me Sad," including, "It makes me sad when my mom and dad say bad things about one another."

His message can be summarized as: don't live in denial, but focus on the positive. You have no say in much of what happens, and your parents' problems are not your fault, so focus on making the best of it. The author innocently and candidly shares his feelings and (very sensible) conclusions.

Parents who must share a child (or children) would do well to read this little book to better understand a child's perspective.

Most of the book consists of fun games and ideas to help kids pass time while traveling long distances from parent to parent. One example involves counting how many people you see (for example, on a plane) have blond hair, brown hair, black hair, red hair, or are bald. Another involves "mapping a room." Kids will love these downtime fillers.

This type of book is freeing to children, letting them know that the way they feel is normal. They are not the only ones who have to deal with such struggles. Rather than taking the role of the victim, Joshua has chosen to do what he can and he has also chosen to make the best of what he cannot control (a good philosophy for all our lives). His example (and his desire to help other kids) will undoubtedly influence others.

Highly recommended!

This book appears to try to accomplish two totally different tasks. The first is to provide some insight and guidance to parents and children involving in divorce and custody.

There are some nice bullet points about how a child should deal with the division of time between parents. There are also some points that let a child know that most of the things they are going through are shared by many other young children ... they are not alone.

The second purpose of the book is to provide games and activities for a child to do. There are some interesting activities which appear to be targeted to children between the ages of 8 and 12.

While there is no way for me to judge the quality or interest of the activities, it appears that these could keep a child occupied on a long trip. So it appears that this could be well worth the price of the book a couple of times over.

If the bullet points help the child adjust to the trials of visitation, then it is well worth the price.

It probably would be helpful for parents to read through the book. The one lesson I think parents should take away is don't try to use the child as a pawn to inflict pain on the other parent. Allow the child to freely express their love for both parents.

While I have no first hand experience, I often see the damage done by parent in custody disputes. So if a parent see how this can affect a child, they might think more before engaging in such behavior.