How Good Do We Have to Be?: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness [Hardcover]

Harold S. Kushner (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1996

Drawing on his experiences as a congregational rabbi, the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People explores the destructive effects of perfectionism and self-righteousness, showing how acceptance and forgiveness can improve our relationships. Tour.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Jewish and Christian religions reinforce feelings of guilt and inadequacy by using the story of the Fall of Adam and Eve to teach that humankind's spiritual inadequacies are inherent. Rabbi Kushner (When Bad Things Happen to Good People, 1981) here retells the Genesis story of the primeval couple to demonstrate that the imperfections of humankind do not merit the loss of God's love, nor should they foster the guilt and anxiety that they often do in a society driven by a misguided attachment to perfection. Combining psychology and spirituality, Kushner invokes the power of acceptance and forgiveness as a means of overcoming the insidious consequences of a preoccupation with perfection. For most libraries.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Kushner, best known for his best-selling When Bad Things Happen to Good People (1985), here deals with an equally vexing topic, overcoming shame and guilt. As in his other books, Rabbi Kushner turns to the Bible to find answers to hard questions, and when it comes to guilt and shame, there is no better place to start than at the beginning, with the story of Adam and Eve. The disobedience shown in the Garden of Eden came to be known as original sin, sort of a gene for badness that is passed down from generation to generation. But Kushner has a different take on the Adam and Eve story, seeing the duo as brave rather than disobedient, willing to risk paradise to become fully human. It must be said that Kushner tends to twist a tale until it fits the point he is trying to make (this is especially true in his discussion of Cain and Abel); nevertheless, his arguments, directly stated, are always thought provoking and people centered. Kushner is clearly writing to bring comfort and to show his audience how to find forgiveness in their own lives, whether that forgiveness is directed toward others or oneself. This is one psychological self-help book that deserves the popularity it is likely to achieve. Ilene Cooper

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 181 pages
• Publisher: Little Brown & Co (T); 1st edition (September 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0316507415
• ISBN-13: 978-0316507417
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.7 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #795,141 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Harold S. Kushner is Rabbi Laureate of Temple Israel in Natick, Massachusetts, where he lives. His books include the huge bestseller When Bad Things Happen To Good People and When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Bless Your Imperfections, April 3, 2004

By 

Carmen Matthews "The Serene Samurai" (San Diego, California) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How Good Do We Have to Be? A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness (Paperback)

I don't know if it is because I've read 3 other books by Rabbi Kushner, or because from the first words to the last words reading this book I feel like I am having a conversation with him. This includes many questions about life, the human condition, and religion that I have carried with me for a long time.

If someone had mentioned religion, God, or related words to me before discovering both Rabbi Kushner, and Dennis Prager, I would have been ready to bolt for the nearest door, because that had signaled what I called "Bible-thumpin time."

So, no matter where you stand on religion, politics, or the human condition, I invite you to open your mind to the possibility of forgiveness.

With the subtitle being "A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness," it's nice to notice that throughout this book Kushner discusses many examples of what guilt has been for us.

He uses "The Original Sin;" "Paradise Lost;" and many other stories that show how we have interpreted God's expectations of us to mean that we are born sinners who must become perfect. Which of course is not, as he points out, God's expectations of us.

Kushner adds, "My experiences as a clergyman and a counselor has taught me that much of the unhappiness people feel burdened by, much of the guilt, much of the sense of having been cheated by life, stems from one of two related causes: either somewhere along the way, somebody - a parent, a teacher, a religious leader - gave them the message that they were not good enough, and they believed it. Or else they came to expect and need more from the people around them --- their parents, children, husbands, or wives - than those people could realistically deliver."

His suggestion is that the story of the Garden of Eden is the story of the first human beings graduating from the uncomplicated world to knowinging that good and evil exists; and that what is most important to us, as human beings is to live with integrity.

This book also suggests that if Adam and Eve had not eaten from the Tree of Knowledge, they would not have had needs, feelings, or individual thoughts. So, it would not have mattered what happened around them.

A year ago, I asked a prominent religious leader in San Diego, "Do you believe that the active members of your church know what religion means to them - not your interpretation, theirs?"

This got his attention, and began a great collaboration.

Religion, as Rabbi Kushner describes in this book is, "... the voice that says, I will guide you through this minefield of difficult moral choices, sharing with you the insights and experiences of the greatest souls of the past, and I will offer you comfort and forgiveness when you are troubled by the painful choices you made."

Imagine if millions are guided by Rabbi Kushner's definition of religion - wouldn't we be more accepting of unique differences?

Wouldn't we accept our limitations - and, by accepting them, evolve beyond our wildest dreams?

Wouldn't we simultaneously be enough, while we win more than we lose?

And wouldn't we laugh more?

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Spiritual Sigh of Relief, October 11, 2001

By 

Leigh A. Merryday "lacyboot" (Palatka, FL United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How Good Do We Have to Be? A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness (Paperback)

I was asked recently in my bible study group who I would most like to meet. It was an easy answer -- Harold Kushner. I struggled for many years (after a private Baptist school upbringing) to come to terms with my doubts about God, who was presented to me as a cruel, vengeful God. My struggle turned toward anger. After reading Rabbi Kushner's book, I felt as if a great weight were lifted from me. My soul just seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. God, as introduced by Rabbi Kushner, makes sense to me now. I have begun to see that God has simply been poorly represented by so many. This book gave me (a hard sell if there ever was one) peace. I began to study the Bible with new eyes. I began to look at myself and others with greater compassion. This is a simple book -- with life altering implications. Buy this book. Read this book. Share this book with others. (Note: Kushner's other books are wonderful as well!)

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One Day of Reading - A Whole Lifetime of Guilt Removed!, April 15, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: How Good Do We Have to Be? : A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness (Abridged Edition) (Audio Cassette)

Having been raised in a family of six children, I was certainly able to relate to the sibling rivalry that existed because of original sin. This book was read in one day, and removed from me a whole lifetime of guilt from not understanding the bigger picture of my family's hardship. All of my other brothers and sisters are getting this book as a present this year, so that they too can understsand how God's love for us as individuals overcomes any childhood adversity we may have had. In addition, the myth of how Eve was created as a second to Adam was destroyed forever. Now as I prepare to enter into a marriage with 'my better half', I am able to realize the importance of finding the other person that completes you spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Thank you Harold Kushner!