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How Happy Is Your Marriage?: 50 Great Tips to Make Your Relationship Last Forever Hardcover – November 22, 2011

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 128 pages
  • Publisher: Harlequin (November 22, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0373892500
  • ISBN-13: 978-0373892501
  • Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.6 x 6.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,379,341 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Happiness expert and TV personality SOPHIE KELLER writes a regular How Happy Is… column in the Huffington Post. She has been a featured life coach for Whole Living magazine, is a contributing expert for Sirius radio and appears frequently on KTLA 5 Morning News, among other TV programs. She lives in Santa Monica, California. Visit her at

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Treat Your Relationship like a Flower

A marriage is made up of two living, breathing human beings who are constantly changing and evolving. Your relationship is a balancing act, because both of you are in such a constant state of flux.

Like a flower, your relationship grows and blossoms in its own time and at its own pace. You can never push it to evolve faster, just as you cannot pull at the roots of a flower to make it grow. It takes great sensitivity, awareness, patience, listening and endless giving. And, like a flower, your relationship has its own set of seasons. At times it grows quickly; at other times, slowly. Sometimes there are droughts and its growth stalls, and other times it flourishes, attaining new depths with ease. You never want to under water it and you never want to overwater it.

You will learn more about yourself in a marriage than you ever will being single, as your partner holds a mirror up to you, revealing where you need to heal and grow. Trust in each other to teach one another. Together, you can be stronger and freer than you ever could alone.

Have the Right Amount of Sex

Relax. There is no right or wrong amount of sex in a marriage. Every couple is different and everyone needs different amounts of sex. So as long as you are both in agreement and satisfied with the amount of sex that you're having, you're doing well. Sex tends to be a taboo subject, and as with money, it is often considered rude or tasteless to ask how much people have. But sex is just another part of life; it is not something that we should be embarrassed to talk about. Many great couples that I know have sex three times a week or more and many have it less. Ideally, you want to be with a partner who wants similar amounts.

However, if both of you want different amounts, then you really need to talk about it so that you both get your needs met. Do you each feel comfortable having sex two times a week, three times, every day? A friend of mine said that she was at her church one day and the sermon was on sex. The priest said to his congregation, "My wife and I have sex three times a week. That's how much I like to have it and how much I need to have it. We are both really busy, so we have set days and times, which we have put aside to make sure that our needs are met. So after this service, for example, we are going to have sex. [Perhaps at this point he gave a little too much information!] But you all need to be clear on what your needs are and make sure that you are getting them met." (Of course, this sermon could happen only in California!)

If you are someone who finds it hard to talk about sex and your needs, then the best way to approach the conversation is to:

1. Be really clear about what you want. Perhaps that means taking a moment to write down your thoughts for yourself to clarify matters before you chat about them.

2. Choose a time when you are both relaxed and feeling close to speak about it. Avoid this discussion when one of you is rushing in or out or is in the middle of an errand.

3. Approach the conversation positively. Sex for some can be a very delicate subject. If you both discover that you have different needs and one of you wants sex five days a week and the other wants it once a week, then do your best to accept each other's desires and come to a healthy agreement that works for you both. Perhaps that means that you settle on twice a week every other week and three times a week every other week. You really do not want to blame your partner if he or she has different desires than you. You both want to reach an agreement in order to accommodate one another's needs. The relationship is such an important part of your life that you both need to be prepared to make changes for each other.

4. Be open to discussing ways that you might bring more play and creativity into your sex life. This will help spice it up, and if one of you wants sex less often, this may encourage that person to be excited about having more.

Keep the conversation open and loving and allow your partner time to respond and express his or her opinion without interrupting.

Sex is, for most of us, an essential part of any relationship. Physical intimacy feeds your emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy as a couple. So even if you have children and you feel that your time is limited, you must still make time for sex. Your marriage is always going to be number one.

So don't shy away from talking about sex, make time for it and schedule it in if you need to. Be sure that your physical needs as a couple are being met!

Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Holly Scudero on March 6, 2012
Format: Hardcover
For most people, walking down the aisle is the easy part; the hard part is actually making that relationship work in the long-term. How do you cope when you start to notice your spouse's quirks? What if he snores? What if she doesn't actually listen to anything you say? How can you keep the spark alive through job changes and the arrival of kids? Sophie Keller, columnist and author and acknowledged "happiness expert," offers her advice in "How Happy is Your Marriage?," a cute little book featuring fifty tips to help keep your marriage, well, happy. The book starts with a quiz, which can help readers zero in on specific tips that might be useful to them. She follows up with plenty of advice. Some of it is obvious: learn to say sorry, understand how your moods affect communication. Some of it will definitely make you think: address differences in sleep habits, don't nag (but don't inspire nagging by not doing what you say you will), practice simple Feng Shui to keep harmony in the bedroom. There's nothing earth-shattering here, but Keller's tips could no doubt be useful to many people struggling in relationships today.

Originally published for San Francisco/Sacramento Book Reviews.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By C. B. Goodman on January 25, 2012
Format: Hardcover
Picked up this book out of curiosity and was surprised to find it's point of view incredibly constructive...and tough. It forces you to take a good look in the mirror at your relationship and truly look at it with a sharp eye. I, for one, find it be a great touchstone and it's already done wonders in improving communications between me and my partner.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Jenny 212 on January 18, 2012
Format: Hardcover
This book it a great way to remind yourself and your partner how to avoid getting stuck in behavioral ruts. It challenges us to think about the ways we interact and gives down to earth advice on how keep your marriage fresh one tip at a time.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By M Erbies on December 5, 2011
Format: Hardcover
A great mixture of common sense and new fresh ideas. creatively designed so you can address particular problems or just get good tips. A good read without being too 'earnest'.
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More About the Author

Sophie is the best selling author of 4 books on happiness, an inspirational speaker and a spokesperson for brands who wish to align with happiness.

As a thought leader in the happiness field, she teaches how to master happiness to create success and get astonishing results in your work, relationships and health.

Her books are 'How Happy is Your Love Life? 50 Great Tips to Help You Attract & Keep Your Perfect Partner.' 'How Happy is Your Marriage? 50 Great Tips To Make Your Relationship Last Forever' 'How Happy is Your Home? 50 Great Tips To Bring More Health, Wealth & Joy into Your Home', and 'How Happy is Your Health? 50 Great Tips to Help You Live a Long, Happy & Healthy Life.'

Sophie has appeared on countless TV and radio shows across the country, including FOX, NBC, ABC, CNN and CBS, and has had her own Balanced Life segment series on Tribune's KTLA 5 Morning TV News. Sophie has been featured in magazines such as Self, Whole Living, Woman's Own, The Best of You Today, Family Circle and The Best You and has contributed to over 100 articles for The Huffington Post, for whom she has also done a series of 12 live 'Ask Sophie' webinars. 'LG Electronics' appointed Sophie as their Good News Ambassador and she has partnered with 'Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution' to raise consciousness about health and happiness. Sophie is the creator of 'Healing After Miscarriage A Workbook & Meditation to Help you Heal After Losing A Baby'. For more information on Sophie & 'How Happy is' go to You can also follow her on Twitter @Sophie_Keller. And join the conversation on happiness on the How Happy is Facebook Page.