How to Be a Help instead of a Nuisance: Practical Approaches to Giving Support, Service, and Encouragement to Others [Paperback]

Karen Kissel Wegela (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 24, 1996

Despite our good intentions to help others, we often hold back because we don't know what to do or are afraid to intrude. Even when we overcome our hesitations, we sometimes find that we have made things worse with our attempts to help. Karen Kissel Wegela combines the insights of traditional meditative practices and modern psychology to address these problems, concluding that the most important thing we can offer to anyone in distress is our mindful presence, without agendas or expectations. When we learn to cultivate this ability to be open-heartedly, compassionately present, we find that we can intelligently apply a variety of skills and techniques, including listening, being mindful companions, and forming supportive teams for individuals and families. We may find that our actions benefit us as much as they do the people we seek to help.

This books provides concrete practical advice, with techniques and exercises for developing the capacity to serve, support, and encourage those in need—for people in the helping professions as well as for everybody else who wants to provide genuine help to others.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In her step-by-step handbook, Wegela, director of contemplative psychology at the Naropa Institute, guides readers through the process of becoming present to oneself so as to be able to offer meaningful help to friends, relatives and clients in distress. She states that a sense of lovingkindness toward oneself will flow naturally toward others as help is offered. A practice of give-and-take grounded in Buddhism and meditative practices such as tonglen (learning how to breathe in someone else's emotion and breathe out reassurance and compassion) underlie Wegela's self-healing techniques. Writing in simple, direct language, she uses brief clinical and personal histories to illustrate her points. Three appendices offer useful information on additional professional resources, the Naropa Institute's contemplative psychology program and meditation centers.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"In her step-by-step handbook, Wegela, director of contemplative psychology at the Naropa Institute, guides readers through the process of becoming present to oneself so as to be able to offer meaningful help to friends, relatives and clients in distress. She states that a sense of lovingkindness toward oneself will flow naturally toward other as help is offered. A practice of give-and-take grounded in Buddhism and meditative practices such as tonglen (learning how to breathe in someone else's emotion and breathe out reassurance and compassion) underlie Wegela's self-healing techniques. Writing in simple, direct language, she uses brief clinical and personal histories to illustrate her points. Three appendices offer useful information on additional professional resources, the Naropa Institute's contemplative psychology program and meditation centers."—Publishers Weekly

"Karen Wegela's book is first-rate healing technology. It teaches the art of doing good well—of making work with others a profound means of working on ourselves. I wish I had read it thirty years ago instead of having to find all this out by the Braille method."—Stephen Levine, author of Healing into Life and Death

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 252 pages
• Publisher: Shambhala; 1st edition (September 24, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1570621500
• ISBN-13: 978-1570621505
• Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.7 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #841,259 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Put your own oxygen mask on first then assist others, August 4, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Be a Help instead of a Nuisance: Practical Approaches to Giving Support, Service, and Encouragement to Others (Paperback)

The author describes helpfulness as a cycle of turning inward to be present with oneself and reaching out to be present with others. The practice of mindfulness meditation underlies the entire cycle so those with some familiarity with sitting meditation or Chogyam Trungpa's Shambhala Training will quickly understand the author's viewpoint. The idea that each person has a basic "brilliant sanity" puts the helper and the client on an even footing, with neurosis or psychosis seen as an imbalance in one of the five qualities of brilliant sanity: openness, richness of experience, clarity, compassion, and skillful action. Many practical suggestions are given for providing a wide variety of help - from simple listening to helpful actions - including how to recognize when you can no longer help and tips on referrals. A compassionate approach to becoming a helpful friend to family members, friends, clients, colleagues, or customers - but especially to yourself.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A lovely, intelligent book, August 27, 2001

By 

Roger Mastrude "Roger Mastrude" (Capitola, CA USA) - See all my reviews
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Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: How to Be a Help instead of a Nuisance: Practical Approaches to Giving Support, Service, and Encouragement to Others (Paperback)

I gave my copy away, so I'm buying two more, one to give away. This is a good and very helpful book. I have been the dispenser and the recipient of unwanted advice many times. How to be a Help... teaches us to ground ourselves and listen sensitively to others, as they try to find their own way through difficulties. This book is based on Buddhist teachings, but you don't need an interest in Buddhism to benefit from it. Highly recommended.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Breath of Fresh Air, March 30, 2008

By 

Gillian Holloway - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Be a Help instead of a Nuisance: Practical Approaches to Giving Support, Service, and Encouragement to Others (Paperback)

I re-read this book every year, when I teach a class in healing stories at a local college. This book is a joy to read, and provides terms for being compassionate with yourself, for trusting in your natural sanity to choose the right words at the right time, and for being present, instead of getting distracted when you wish to be helpful. She points out that the urge toward compassion is natural, and that we can learn to stay centered and open to ideas and feelings instead of going into auto-rescue mode when we care about someone. It's just a very clearing little book, and appropriate to anyone who cares and wishes to help.