Customer Reviews

How to Be a Help instead of a Nuisance: Practical Approaches to Giving Support, Service, and Encouragement to Others

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The author describes helpfulness as a cycle of turning inward to be present with oneself and reaching out to be present with others. The practice of mindfulness meditation underlies the entire cycle so those with some familiarity with sitting meditation or Chogyam Trungpa's Shambhala Training will quickly understand the author's viewpoint. The idea that each person has a basic "brilliant sanity" puts the helper and the client on an even footing, with neurosis or psychosis seen as an imbalance in one of the five qualities of brilliant sanity: openness, richness of experience, clarity, compassion, and skillful action. Many practical suggestions are given for providing a wide variety of help - from simple listening to helpful actions - including how to recognize when you can no longer help and tips on referrals. A compassionate approach to becoming a helpful friend to family members, friends, clients, colleagues, or customers - but especially to yourself.

I gave my copy away, so I'm buying two more, one to give away. This is a good and very helpful book. I have been the dispenser and the recipient of unwanted advice many times. How to be a Help... teaches us to ground ourselves and listen sensitively to others, as they try to find their own way through difficulties. This book is based on Buddhist teachings, but you don't need an interest in Buddhism to benefit from it. Highly recommended.

I re-read this book every year, when I teach a class in healing stories at a local college. This book is a joy to read, and provides terms for being compassionate with yourself, for trusting in your natural sanity to choose the right words at the right time, and for being present, instead of getting distracted when you wish to be helpful. She points out that the urge toward compassion is natural, and that we can learn to stay centered and open to ideas and feelings instead of going into auto-rescue mode when we care about someone. It's just a very clearing little book, and appropriate to anyone who cares and wishes to help.